The Day he was Pushed to Far
by Severus Draconis Potter
Summary: Unable to deal with the pain and loss he felt during the third task; Harry slowly startes to fall apart,the others around him oblivious to it all. The loneliness was eating him up until one day, Harry finally snaps. Mentor/Severus *Suicide-Themes/Death*
1. Chapter 1

**A/N-I am totally aware of my already unfinished stories, and I will continue them as well, but this popped up. Anyways this was a Challenge on Potions and Snitches called; Pushed to Far. It was so interesting to me, I could resist. I hope you guys like it, and if you dont I'm sorry my story isnt for you but please dont Flame.**

**Chapter 1: On the Edge**

Life at the Durselys had always been bad, but the summer before 5th year Harry found out it could get much, much, worse. Besides the fact that he awoke every night from nightmares from the third task, his Uncle seemed to have lost all of his patience. Harry couldn't remember a day this past summer of his Uncle not raising a hand to him. But he took it in stride; it was nothing less for what he deserved. After all it was his fault that his classmate Cedric was dead, he just had to share the glory so to speak.

The guilt of that night was always fresh in his mind the next morning, and it made him physically slow because of the lack of rest he was getting. That being said Dudley was always around to give him a push, a shove or kick of some sort. He didn't bother to fight back; he was so tired of this. Besides he knew that if he hurt his cousin his Uncle would be ruthless. Even if he knew he deserved to be beaten, it still hurt.

As he looked out the window on the moving train his thoughts drifted back to something he had found while he was cleaning the house the other day. He always knew that his Uncle had a gun in the house; after all he had tried to shoot Hagrid when the half-giant came to pick him up in first year. What Harry didn't know was that Vernon had a collection of guns that were hidden in the closet. It was just his luck that he had found them, and though he knew it was wrong to steal Harry took one. It was a small silver handgun with 4 holes in the front where the bullets came out. On a whim he grabbed a box of bullets before he ran back to his room and shoved it under the floorboard. To be honest he couldn't figure out why he took the gun, but something in him needed it.

If anything he felt safer with it, after all what wizard was expecting him to use a muggle weapon against them. If anything they would scoff and mock him for having it, until they got hit with it. He knew that guns were dangerous, but since he had a madman after him and since his wand tended to cancel its self out, he needed another form of protection. Ignoring the feeling in the back of his mind, he closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep.

Not sure how long he slept he was suddenly awaken when he heard a drawl coming from the compartment door. Harry sighed softly; for once couldn't Malfoy just leave him alone? He really didn't want to deal with the Slytherin snake at that moment. He was feeling very breakable for the moment, and he didn't want to do something he would regret. Blanking his face he turned to look at the blonde in the door.

"What do you want Malfoy?" Harry said tiredly.

"We just came to see if they let you come back to school this year."Draco said with a sneer.

"And why wouldn't they?" Harry asked in confusion. The blonde's answer really did throw him for a loop. What the heck was he talking about?

"Since you killed Diggory; but I shouldn't have been surprised after all you are the Gryffindor golden boy can't do anything wrong now can you?" Draco shook his head before slamming the compartment door close. As he walked back to his own seat, he was unaware of what his words had actually done.

Harry sat there in shock, willing the tears not to fall. He was so grateful that Ron and Hermione were prefects and weren't sitting with him at the moment. He was unable to keep his composure and the tears came as he knew they would. He turned his head to the window again, wishing he was with Sirius. It wasn't worth it to come to school, especially when he knew deep down that this was only the beginning. He really didn't want to deal with the stares that he knew was coming. Harry sighed softly, as he tried to stop his tears. Any of his friends could walk in anytime and he had no desire to explain anything to them.

As Harry calmed down, he smiled beneath his tears. Wonder if Malfoy would treat him like that if he knew that Harry had a way to end his life that wasn't Avada Kedavra. He shook his head, already imagining the blonde pissing his pants when he found out just what a gun could do. Harry shook his head feeling sick all of a sudden, he shouldn't be thinking about that. He didn't wanna shoot Malfoy did he? The git was just a bully right? Harry sighed, maybe he really was going crazy, and he had to keep those thoughts to himself. He could already imagine Hermione if she somehow found out about what he had brought to school. He didn't bother to wonder if Hogwarts had a spell that prevents muggle weapons. He knew there was none; wizards always seemed to be so sure of themselves. He wondered how they would feel to know that the muggles outnumbered them at least 150-1.

Dressing in robes, he waited until the train had pulled into the station. He forced himself to put on a smile as he friends came towards him. Harry hugged Hermione, being careful of his injuries not wanting to raise any suspicion. As they headed for the carriages, he stopped suddenly and stared at them in horror. What the hell was pulling it along?

"What the hell are those?" He asked looking at Ron, who was staring at Harry in disbelief.

"What's what Harry? I don't see anything," Ron replied looking back from the horseless carriage to his mate.

"You don't see what's pulling the carriages?" Harry asked in shock.

"There's nothing Harry, the carriages have always been horseless remember?" Hermione said matter-factly.

Harry didn't say anything, wanting to touch the animals to make sure that they were real. But their appearances really put that off; why couldn't anyone else see them?

"I can see them, so don't worry you're not going mental," an airy voice behind him said.

He turned around to see this girl with white blonde hair, who he was introduced as Luna Lovegood. Harry smiled at her before climbing into the carriage. He wanted to ask her more on why they were seeing it, but he could see how Hermione was looking at Luna so he didn't dare. Harry didn't say much the entire ride, still caught up in his thoughts. As the carriage stopped he got out and started heading towards the great hall with his friends. Keeping his head straight ahead, he ignored the looks he was getting as he gingerly sat down at the Gryffindor table and waited for the sorting to finish. As each house gained new members he looked at the first years, remembering a time when he still had that innocence they had and he missed it.

Harry shook his head before starting in on his food, not the least bit hungry but not wanting Hermione on his back. He ate slowly, knowing how his stomach tended to be when he came back from summer break and he didn't want to upset it and have to go to the infirmary. He couldn't bear the thought of anyone finding out about his scars, especially Snape he would say that Harry had done it for attention. He shook his head; why in the hell would you want to get beat for attention. He shrugged before his stomach started to protest the rich food and played with it trying to pass the time.

Soon enough everyone was heading for the dorm, once again Hermione and Ron leaving him for their prefect duties. He walked in the back, not wanting to converse with anyone just wanting to be alone. He was actually coming to like the loneliest, he didn't have to worry about pretending, and he could just be. That changed the minute he stepped passed the fat lady and the rest of the tower quieted as he stepped inside.

"What's going on?" Harry asked, wondering why everyone was now staring at him.

"Thanks to you my mam almost didn't let me come back to Hogwarts, that's what's going on." Seamus said angrily.

"Why would that be my fault?" Harry asked in confusion.

"Because you were spouting off that that you-know-who is back." Seamus continued.

"That's because he is back, I wasn't lying. I saw Voldemort come back, and I saw him kill Cedric." Harry replied ignoring the gasps when he said the name.

"Yea, if it's true then how come you have no proof? Who's to say that you didn't kill Cedric yourself, just so you could win the cup?" Seamus replied, crossing his arms as he waited for an answer.

"That's the stupidest thing I have ever heard, I would never kill anyone. Cedric was my friend, how dare you accuse me of that." Harry said his green eyes hardening. He had been expecting this from the snakes, but never from his own house.

"Well it says so right here in the prophet, why would they lie?" Seamus said holding up the paper.

"This is rubbish, and you're all stupid for believing this. I'm going to bed," Harry said angrily turning around and walking up to his dorm. He refused to let them see how much that hurt him. He frowned as he walked over towards his bed, pulling his pajamas out and closing the curtains around him.

What gave the right to accuse him of such nonsense? He could never kill anyone? How could they just turn on him like that? He lived with them for 4 years already, weren't they supposed to be his friends? Harry got dressed for bed and stuck his wand under his pillow. He sniffled softly, feeling the realization that he really didn't have anyone at the moment. What was he going to do? He sobbed quietly, hoping that tomorrow would turn out better. As he dozed off another piece of his fragile heart broke off, ignorant of that fact that Harry was starting to teeter on the edge of sanity and insane.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N-This is a Mentor type story in case anyone else was wondering. As you can tell it Angst, it will get better, just not anytime soon. And I'm so happy you guys like it so far thanks so much for the reviews.**

**Chapter 2: Nearing the Breaking Point**

Harry woke up the next morning with his pillow in his mouth and his throat sore. He frowned hoping he hadn't woken anyone up. The last thing he needed was giving them something else to talk about him with. He quietly opened the curtains and was shocked to see that his dorm was empty. Dread was in the bottom of his gut as he glanced at the clock. His eyes widened as he took in the time, it was 7:45am and class started at 8:00am and he still didn't know his schedule. He jumped out of bed and quickly got dressed in his robes before grabbing his backpack.

Making sure he had his wand he quickly made his way towards the great hall. As he neared it he could see Ron and Hermione and he called out to them, hoping that they weren't ignoring him. He smiled when that didn't seem to be the case.

"Oy, Harry where have you been?" Ron asked looking at his friend in shock.

"In the dorm, why didn't you wake me up?" Harry asked curiously.

"Seamus said that you had gone already. I was a bit miffed that you had left without me," Ron explained.

"He clearly lied; I only just woke up a few minutes ago. Do you know what our schedule is?" Harry asked as ignoring the hunger pains in his stomach. He was used to it, and truth be told he had worse.

"Why would he lie? What the hell is the matter with everyone today?" Ron mused as he looked at the glares that his dorm mates were giving Harry.

"They don't believe that Voldemort is back. Essentially I'm a liar Ron," Harry said tiredly as he looked over the schedule and groaned.

"That's rubbish, how else would you explain Wormtail still being alive?" Ron asked as he shook his head.

Harry shrugged not wanting to talk about it anymore. He needed to keep his cool at the moment and talking about his house turning against him wasn't helping. Why in the hell did Dumbledore do this every year? He frowned as they started to make their way toward potions with the Slytherins.

The walk to the classroom was shorter than he ever thought it could be and he forced himself to take a deep breath before walking in and taking his seat. They took their usual seats in the middle of the classroom on the Gryffindor side and got their things out. Harry hoped that Snape wouldn't call him out today, but he knew better. The class got quiet and Harry gripped the desk with his hands as the potions master walked to the front of the classroom.

After giving his yearly speech Harry watched as those dark eyes hone in on him and his heart skipped a beat for the moment preparing for the worse. To his relief and suspicion Snape didn't say anything, but the glare in his eyes told Harry everything he needed to know. What did Snape think he did now? For Merlin's sake he hadn't even been at breakfast. Harry sighed as he got started on his potion. He took caution today, not liking the gaze directed towards him.

As he was reading over an instruction in the book, he turned towards his cauldron when he heard a splash. He looked inside it in horror before turning to look at Malfoy who was looking at him smugly. Gone was the pale blue potion and in its place was this puke green one. Harry's eyes widened as he tried to figure out what Malfoy threw it in before Snape came and checked on him again; but he was too late.

"Inadequate Potter, 15 points from Gryffindor," Snape sneered as he looked in Harry's cauldron.

"Professor that wasn't my fault, Malfoy threw something into my cauldron." Harry said defending himself.

"Oh I forgot Prince Potter, can't do no wrong. Grow up Potter; you need to learn to take responsibilities for your own actions and stop blaming others. What kind of fool do you take me for?" Severus said sneering at him, daring him to lie.

"I'm telling the truth Professor, if you would just listen to me for once then maybe you would see that Malfoy was to blame for this." Harry said angrily, shaking off Hermione's hand on his shoulder. He was just so tired of this.

"Talking back to a Professor, 15 more points from Gryffindor and detention tonight at 7:00pm;" Severus said walking away to berate Neville.

"What, I didn't even do…" Harry shut up when Ron kicked him and he turned his angry expression to his mate.

"Just don't Harry, you know it'll only make it worse." Hermione said reasonably as she turned back to her potion.

Harry frowned and nodding wanting nothing more than to curse both Malfoy and Snape at that moment; why did they hate him so. What did he do to Snape to make him treat him this way? Harry sighed as he glared at his desk, not doing anything the rest of the period. The minute class was over Harry grabbed his things and headed to his next class. He ignored the looks his so called friends were giving him for losing 30 points in potions. As if they had never been a victim of Snape's temper.

Classes seemed to pass by slowly for Harry that day, especially when it seemed like the only people who would talk to him were Ron and Hermione and he had noticed that even they were giving him looks. As they walked to the great hall for lunch it was no surprise that it quieted when he came in. Keeping his gaze straight he headed for his chair, ignoring the fact that his so called friends were staying far away from him. He turned to Ron only to find him in a conversation with Dean and Seamus. Harry stared at his friend in disbelief but shook his head.

"Hey Neville," Harry murmured when he realized the shy boy was across from him.

"Hi Harry," Neville replied quietly. "My Gran and I, we believe you." He said quickly before turning to his food.

Harry smiled in spite of his pain, both physical and inner. As he ate his lunch his gaze landed on the head table and he frowned as he recognized everyone but this woman in pink. Was that the new DADA teacher? He raised an eyebrow and turned back to Neville.

"Whose she; that lady in pink?" Harry asked curiously.

"That's Professor Umbridge; she's gonna teach DADA. She usually works at the Ministry; didn't you hear her say this last night?" Neville asked.

"I was too tired last night, thanks though," Harry replied turning back to his meal.

As lunch finished up, he had to wonder would this woman also try to kill him like the past DADA teachers. They made their way to his favorite class ever and the minute he stepped into the door, he just knew it was gonna be a bad day. As Harry took his seat and waited for class to start he glanced at Ron who had seated himself by Harry. He shrugged but didn't say anything. Just because his dorm mates were mad at him, didn't mean that his best friend couldn't talk to them.

As class started and the toad like lady started talking Harry heart got heavier and heavier. He needed this class more than anyone in the entire school and she was telling them that they weren't going to be working on any spells. He didn't understand this; why in the hell would Dumbledore allow her to teach here? He frowned and raised his hand, but Hermione beat him too it.

As he listen to her explain to them that they would have no uses for their wands in here, he could see that he wasn't the only one with a confused expression on his face. He had stuck his hand up second and now more people had joined in. Why wasn't she calling on him? Harry frowned having enough of being ignored before just deciding to speak.

"Voldemort is back Professor, I saw him." Harry said loudly, wishing everyone didn't cringe away.

"Enough Mr. Potter, you are lying. If he-who-must-not-be-named were back the Minister would know about it." Delores said gleefully.

"Fudge is an idiot and in denial; besides how else would you explain Cedric's death?" Harry asked angrily.

"Mr. Diggory's death was an accident. Before he participated he was aware of the risks to compete in the tournament. I would suggest you cease this talking Mr. Potter. It would do well if you would stop sprouting off all these lies." Delores said getting angry herself.

"They aren't lies Professor it's the truth, Voldemort is back and we need to learn spells to defend ourselves against him." Harry said voice getting louder. He knew what he saw, and he saw Voldemort being resurrected. He even had the scar to prove it, after all he had used his blood.

"Detention tonight Mr. Potter at 7:00pm and leave my classroom at once." Delores yelled, smiling evilly as she had a special detention in mind for him.

Harry frowned, two detentions in one day. Well didn't he feel so special.

"I already have a detention at 7:00pm with Professor Snape," Harry replied as he grabbed his bag.

"Then you will come to mine first I will let him know to expect you later." She replied smoothly before gesturing for him to leave the class.

Harry shook his head and walked out the classroom and down the corridor. Not knowing what else to do he headed back towards the tower. He was in a daze as he walked up to his dorm room. This year was already shaping up to be the worse one yet and it was only the first day. Throwing his bag on his bed, his feet walked on their own accord to his trunk. Getting on his knees he looked at the bottom of his trunk, and grabbed his invisibility cloak. Taking the bundle in his hand he walked over to his bed and closed the curtains.

Harry took a deep breath before he started to unwrap the cloak. He just needed to make sure that he had really brought it. The box of bullets dropped out first and he found himself entranced as he opened it and took one out. He knew then that he was right in his decision on bringing the gun here, especially since they weren't going to be learning any defensive spells this year.

He played with the bullet in-between his fingers before reaching on the bed and picking up the gun. It wasn't a heavy weight; it fit perfectly in his hand. He wondered what it'd be like to shoot this at someone. 3 people came to mind as he transferred the gun from one hand to the other. Harry was relaxed as he stuck the bullet into the gun and cocked it before looking at it again. He never realized how easily muggles could end their life; almost as if he was having an out of body experience he lifted the gun up to his head.

He could end it right now, and he chuckled wondering if he would survive this. It was better for everyone if he had died that night. Why was his life so full of pain, why did everyone have to hurt him? He shook the conflicting thoughts away as he ran his hands over the gun, wondering what it felt like to be shot. He wasn't stupid and he knew that it would hurt no matter where you got shot. What he was referring to was; how did it feel to know that you were dying? He pondered on it for a while until something broke him out of the trance and he heard voices in the common room. Harry quickly shoved the gun and the bullets back into his cloak and wrapped it up again and put it back into his trunk.

As he sat back on his bed, he couldn't help remembering the feeling of the coolness of the gun on his hands. When he had it in his grasp, he had never felt more in control of himself in his entire life then at that moment. Was it really that simple? And if so what did this mean?


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N- Before you ask I have NO idea how frequent I'm gonna update this story. At the moment I post it as soon as I finish a chapter. Please review I love them lots. Flamers can drown in a pool of rotten and moldy fruit. That is all :)**

**Chapter 3: Drowning in Pain**

Harry drifted off to sleep a few minutes later, feeling content with himself. He jerked awake when he heard the boys in his dorm come up and he stilled on the bed. Harry could hear them talking to one another and he was just about to reveal himself when he heard Dean say his name. He forced himself to be still and listened to their conversation.

"Thanks to Harry, we're down 30 points already and it's only the first day." Dean replied annoyance in his tone.

"We're actually down 70; Umbridge took 40 points away as well." Seamus replied angrily.

"Guys lay off, you know how Snape is. Besides Harry will gain all the points back when he catches the snitch," Neville said quietly.

"Shut up Neville, was I talking to you?" Seamus said as he took off his tie and tossed it on the bed.

Harry frowned at that; Neville didn't do anything but defend him. He shook his head as they continued to talk about him as if he wasn't there. Couldn't they tell that his curtains were drawn; maybe they wanted him to hear them? Harry blinked away the tears of hurt in his eyes unable to believe that. Maybe they really didn't know, he nodded wanting to give them the benefit of the doubt. He stayed on his bed quietly until it he heard them walking out. Taking a moment to collect himself he opened his curtains and saw Neville looking at him in shock. At least Harry knew that Neville didn't know he was there.

"How long have you been there Harry?" Neville asked softly.

"Since I got dismissed from DADA; thanks for defending me Neville." Harry said with a small smile, though his eyes betrayed him as they shone bright with hurt and unshed tears.

"You're my friend Harry, don't worry about it." Neville replied.

Harry nodded before standing up and stretching.

"Wanna go to dinner?" Harry asked wondering where Ron was.

"Alright, let's go," Neville replied getting up and following Harry out of the dorm.

Harry didn't say anything as he came down and heard the chatter and conversations in the common room silence as he walked down. He saw Ron and Hermione talking to Ginny and Dean. Harry didn't say anything to them he just followed Neville out the portrait. They walked to the great hall in silence, and Harry had to wonder why his life tended to take these twists every year. Just once he wanted a normal school year, was that too much to ask.

As he sat down he ignored the stares and tried to eat, wondering what he was going to be doing in detention with the toad lady. Harry sighed wishing he was back in his bed surrounded by his curtains. All too soon it was nearing 7:00pm and he got us and walked to his Defense teacher's office. The minute he was granted entrance he walked in and stared at the office. It was littered with pictures of all sorts of kittens and cats. It gave him a new meaning to the word cat lady. He nearly snickered before taking a seat in the desk across from him.

"In case I hadn't made myself clear I do not tolerate any type of lies. You are here because you spread; evil, nasty, attention-seeking, stories." Delores lectured.

"They weren't lies," Harry protested, ignoring that voice in his head that told him to shut up.

"Do not argue with me Mr. Potter, you and I both know you are just an attention-seeking brat. I will not tolerate this from you or anyone else. As it is you have just earned yourself a week of detention." Delores said with a smug look on her face.

Harry thankfully said nothing this time, though he glared at the desk. He never thought he could've hated someone this much. He hated Umbridge more then he hated his Uncle and his sister Marge and that was saying something. Harry didn't say anything as she laid a piece of parchment on his desk and a funny looking quill.

"You haven't given me any ink," he said looking at her strangely.

"Oh you don't need any for my special quill," Delores said as she took a seat at her desk.

Harry didn't say anything to that as he started to write he looked up again.

"What am I supposed to be writing?" Harry asked tiredly.

"I must not tell lies," Delores said with a grin.

Harry didn't react as he turned his gaze to his paper. He started writing the words on the parchment, not thinking anything of it until he felt it. He felt this hot, searing, pinching feeling in his left hand. He gasped as his words on the paper, somehow ended up on his hands. What the hell kind of quill was this?

"Is there something wrong Mr. Potter?" Delores asked unable to hide her smug grin.

"No Professor, everything is fine." Harry replied quietly.

He had dealt with worse pain then this and he wouldn't give her the satisfaction. Harry continued with his lines as the minutes ticked by. Like he did when his Uncle decided to punish him Harry simple detached himself from the pain, until it was like he wasn't there. He didn't allow himself to think, that would only make it worse. At first the words in his skin would heal over, but the longer he did it the longer they stayed. Not sure at all how much time had passed he was surprised to see her stand up.

"Detention is over Mr. Potter, I will see you here tomorrow at the same time. Don't forget about your detention with Professor Snape." Delores said as she sat back down.

Harry stood up, keeping his left hand to the side as he headed towards the door. He stopped and turned when she called him again.

"I may have neglected to tell Professor Snape about your detention with me. Silly me I forgot," Delores said giggling.

Harry blanked his face, hoping Snape would at least listen to him for once. He nodded before walking out of her classroom and heading towards the dungeons. Checking his watch he saw that it was 9:00pm, he hoped that Snape was in a good mood. Harry scoffed knowing that was the dumbest thing he could ever think of. Snape was NEVER in a good mood; Harry was sure the only way his potions professor would be happy was if he got himself killed. Harry sobered not wanting to think about this so close to the Slytherin territory. He kept his hand on his wand as he walked and made it to the man's office door. Taking a deep breath he knocked.

"Enter," Snape said neutrally.

Harry walked in and closed the door behind him.

"I'm here for my detention sir," Harry said politely.

"I do believe I told you to be here at 7:00pm Potter. If I'm not mistaken it's just after 9:00pm. You are 2 hours late," Snape said as he gazed as his student across from him.

"I had detention with Professor Umbridge sir, she said I was to go to hers first." Harry replied honestly.

"I will talk to Delores later to confirm that and if I find out that you are lying to me Potter; the consequences will not be pleasant." Snape threatened.

"Yes sir," Harry replied as he waited to see what his teacher wanted him to do.

"You will be scrubbing cauldrons, without magic. If I find out that you have used your wand that will be another detention tomorrow."Snape said.

Harry shrugged, he wasn't incompetent. Thanks to his so called family he was proficient at cleaning, not that Snape would ever believe that. Harry sighed before taking out his wand and placing it on his teacher's desk who looked at him in surprise. Harry didn't bother to explain as he made his way into the classroom. He started the faucet in the sink filling it with hot water and soap before grabbing the scrub brush. Harry looked around at the cauldrons on the floor, knowing this wouldn't be hard. He would take this over lines any day.

Harry wasn't thinking as put the cauldron cleaner into the water. It was like his body switched over to automatic or something. He stuck both his hands in the water and jerked them out as he hissed in pain. His eyes watered as he blew on his left hand where his previous punishment was. He was in the middle of swearing when he registered that he was no longer alone in the classroom.

"Is there a problem Potter?" Snape sneered from the doorway.

"No sir, I just burnt my hands from the water is all." Harry lied.

"Clearly I was correct when I said that Prince Potter doesn't know how to do any type of manual labor." Snape replied in disgust.

Harry was tired of fighting and he didn't want to deal with this. Ignoring the searing remarks from his teacher and the pain from his hand he put his hands back into the water. His hand burned when it came in contact with the cleaner but Harry ignored it for the most part. He found himself welcoming the physical pain, which made this detention more bearable. Sooner than he ever thought it would be Snape came and told him that the detention was over and that he had 5 minutes to get to his tower before curfew. Harry didn't say anything to that as he put away the brush and emptied the water out. He sighed as he made his way back to his teacher's office to grab his wand. His wand was still on the man's desk and he plucked it off before making his way out the man's office. As he quickly headed through the corridors Harry took this time to look at his left hand and he grimaced. It looked as bad as it felt; maybe he should have said something to Snape about it. He shook that ridiculous thought away, knowing that his teacher would probably agree with Umbridge wholeheartedly. If anything Snape might even regret that he hadn't thought of a detention like this before. Harry made his way to the tower without any problem, keeping his head down as he walked up to his dorm room.

Harry didn't say anything as he walked in though he could feel the glares coming from his so called friends. He didn't want to deal with their abuse he was so tired of fighting everyone and feeling like he was alone in everything else. He walked over to his trunk and pulled out the mirror that Sirius had given him and placed it into his pocket. He needed to talk to someone or he swore he would go crazy.

"Ron, what was our homework in DADA?" Harry asked after a moment, needing something to waste time on.

Harry raised an eyebrow as Ron ignored him, though he knew that he heard him because he saw Dean glanced at him once and elbowed Ron. Harry frowned, it was gonna be like that then? Why was he even surprised? Ron had abandoned him last year, why should this year be any different. Harry closed the curtains on his bed and curled up under the covers. He meant to lay there until everyone fell asleep but he found himself closing his eyes and falling asleep as well.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N- There are a few more aspects of the story that needs to fall into place before "IT" happens. It will come soon enough, anyways I hope you guys like this chapter. Reviews are AWESOME and I love you guys for them! Flamers can drown in a pool of chocolate pudding.**

**Chapter 4:Losing It**

Harry woke up the next morning, feeling more tired and drained then he had ever felt. As he rolled his tired body out of bed, he reached over to grab his glasses. He winced as he looked at his left hand but there was nothing for it. At the moment he was trying to figure out just what the hell he had been dreaming about. What kind of dream consisted of a hallway and a door at the end? What was that about? He shrugged but since his scar didn't hurt he didn't think that it was related to Voldemort and if it was he wasn't sure what he was supposed to do.

He wasn't oblivious and he had noticed that Dumbledore refused to look at him. It was almost like he couldn't stand the sight of Harry anymore. Harry frowned already thinking that Snape had gotten to the Headmaster. He sighed he was used to dealing with things on his own so he knew that this wouldn't be any different. He patted his pocket and smiled when he felt the mirror still in his pocket. His dorm mates appeared to still be sleeping but Harry didn't want to risk it right now.

Besides he wasn't even sure that Sirius could even help him. Grabbing his clothes and robes Harry hurried into the bathroom to take a shower and get dressed. He was winced when he looked at his hand thankful that it didn't seem to have swelled up. His injuries on his body were still fresh and he had no doubt that if Madame Pomprey were to heal his hand she would also run a scan on him like she always did. As he was walking out the bathroom he found himself face to face with Ron. Harry schooled his face not wanting the other boy to see how much he had hurt him; but he wasn't sure he had done a good job.

"Harry, I'm sorry about ignoring you last night." Ron said apologetically.

"If you're sorry, then why did you do it in the first place?" Harry asked quietly.

"Seamus was saying something, "Ron replied with a shrug.

"Its fine Ron, you don't have to pretend that you wanna be my friend anymore. I can deal with this on my own." Harry replied ignoring that hurt feeling in his heart. He was beginning to get use to it.

"Harry it's not like that," Ron tried to explain.

"I get it Ron, you don't have to explain." Harry said before he shook his head and walked back into the dorm.

Harry forced himself to smile cheerfully despite the lump he was feeling in his throat. He needed to get out of the dorm now. He grabbed his bag and quickly left, heading downstairs where he was intercepted so to speak by Hermione. Harry hadn't really noticed her that much due to her prefect duties but he could tell already that she knew something wasn't right with him.

"Morning Mione," he said with happiness that he didn't even have.

"Harry, are you ok?" She asked concern in eyes.

"I'm just trying to forget the feeling of not having friends. I should be used to this Mione; they do it almost every year." Harry said with a forced grin.

He couldn't be around her, when he was with her he always felt inclined to spill his guts. He couldn't afford to have her figure out the pieces. Harry knew without a doubt that if she found out about the gun she would take it away; or worse tell the teachers. Harry knew that she wouldn't understand just why he needed to have it with him.

"Where's Ron Harry?" Hermione asked, oblivious to his inner struggles.

"Upstairs with his friends, I'll see you at breakfast." Harry said quietly walking pass her and out the tower.

He breathed a sigh of relief once he was out, the tower felt so suffocating to him at the moment. He shook his head before starting the trek towards the great hall. He was about 20 feet from it when he felt a spell wiz by his ear and he stopped and turned around in alarm. His eyes widened, he hadn't seen Malfoy nor the rest of the Slytherins sneak up on him. Was he that caught up in his thoughts?

"What do you want Malfoy?" Harry asked unable to curb the hatred in his voice. His tone took the other boy by alarm if his eyes were anything to go by.

"We just felt like catching a lion is all Potter, where's your Gryffindorks?" Draco taunted.

"Back in the tower, what do you really want?" Harry asked his hand gripping his wand tight.

"Nothing from you, we just have to be on our guard whenever you come around. After all I wouldn't want to drop dead, considering what happened to Diggory." Draco teased.

Harry's jaw tightened as he clenched his teeth. He didn't throw the spell that killed Cedric but he knew in his heart he was responsible for his death nonetheless. He breathed loudly in anger, leave it to Malfoy to bring that up.

"Yea, keep that in mind if you want to keep on living," Harry said neutrally, knowing they wouldn't know what he meant.

He smiled cruelly, it was too simple. Malfoy versus him, especially when Harry brought the gun into play; that Slytherin ferret wouldn't have a chance. He would be on the floor bleeding before he could even raise his wand.

"Right, Potter you can't kill me. I know spells you haven't even heard of." Draco said evilly.

"Is that right? You wanna put your money where your mouth is?" Harry taunted.

"What does that even mean Potter?" Draco asked in confusion.

"It's a muggle saying, in short all I meant was two words; prove it." Harry said as he narrowed his eyes.

"Prove it here, in the middle of Hogwarts? Are you nuts, where that muggle loving old coot can catch us? Please I have more tact then that," Draco said as he shook his head.

Harry shook his head, knowing Malfoy was a chicken. He after all had remembered their first year and Malfoy telling Filch on them; the little worm. Harry raised his wand to curse him, after all and eye for an eye and the little snot had cursed him. He sighed as Snape seemingly to come out of nowhere and catch him.

"Detention tonight Potter at 7:00pm and 20 points from Gryffindor." Severus said his lips twisted up in a grimace. He had just gotten done talking to Delores and found out that the Potter brat had lied to him.

Harry groaned loudly and watched as Malfoy and his goons walked away and towards the great hall. What the hell? How in the fuck was he going to be in two places at once? He waited for his teacher to talk and he wasn't disappointed.

"You ungrateful brat, just what do you think you were doing raising your wand to your classmate?" Snape rounded on him.

"Malfoy had cursed me first, I was defending myself." Harry angrily replied back.

"If he had really cursed you then why was his wand hand on his side? I do not tolerate being lied to Potter, you are already on thin ice. I talked to Delores and she has informed me that you did not have a detention with her last night." Snape said as his black eyes pierced into Harry's green ones.

"I did have a detention with her, and I have the marks to prove it. Not to mention our whole DADA teacher heard her give me one. She's the one who's lying, not me." Harry said the anger and hurt inside of him growing. Why did everyone have to be against him?

"What are you talking about Potter? What marks?" Severus asked, taking a moment to calm down. Detentions should not leave marks, what the hell was going on?

"As if you actually cared sir, if that is all I will be there tonight. Though you might want to look into the book that shows which kid has detention. You will find I am in there with both you and Umbridge. If that is all I'm going to breakfast," Harry said turning around and walking towards the great hall.

If Harry had looked behind him he would have seen that his Professor had a thoughtful expression on his face for once instead of his sneer. But Harry didn't look back, he needed a distraction; at the moment the gun was looking like the only way he could be happy. As he sat down on the bench to scoop some food on his plate ignoring the fact that he wasn't even hungry. Harry had a thought on where he could carry out his plans without being caught.

The Chamber of Secrets had merit him being the only person who could speak to snakes in the castle. But he shook his head that could never work, especially since he had a few people he wanted to take with him. Harry ate his food absently as he thought about it, smiling a real smile for once as his plans seemed to get less fuzzy and more clearer.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N- Harry is nearing his point of no return if you will. The last part has to fall into place. For those of you curious why I didnt have Harry just use a spell. Well thats simple really. If I wanted my story not to be so orginal I would do so. Anyone can use a spell, but Harry was versed in the muggle world as well so he would know about weapons that wizards couldnt, and could use them to his advantage. I dont understand how someone can read all the way to the current chapter and then flame it. Rather ridiculous really, clearly something in it intrigued you. If you didnt like it, Dont waste your time reading it. Ok this is the longest A/N ever..on to the story guys :)**

**Chapter 5: I'm all alone, who will save me Now?**

Harry was finished with breakfast by the time the other Gryffindors came down to eat. He took that as his cue to leave and he was nearly free from them when he realized that Neville and Ginny were following him. He sighed and continued walking until they were outside the doors of the great hall.

"What are guys doing?" He asked tiredly.

"We were checking to see if you were ok. Are you ok Harry?" Ginny asked quietly.

"I'm fine, though I was expecting Hermione to be here too." He joked lightly.

"She would be, except she's chewing Ron out at the moment." Neville replied softly. "Don't change the subject; something is going on with you." He continued.

"I'm just tired of this every year; it kinda makes me think I wish I wasn't the bloody boy-who-lived." Harry said before walking off and heading to potions.

Neville looked at Ginny as they watched Harry walk away, that didn't comfort the Gryffindor boy in the slightest, if anything it made him fearful at what Harry could do if he was pushed too far.

Surprisingly Potions went pretty well considering everything that happened this morning. The Slytherins were all trying to mess him up but it seemed like someone had placed a shield on his cauldron. He looked to Hermione to thank her, unaware of the dark eyes that watched him the entire class. Harry winced as he cut up the ingredients as he noticed his left hand taking an almost purple color. With his history with bruises he was almost certain it was getting infected and sighed wishing he and Snape were on a good enough level where he could ask for essence of murlap.

Harry shook his head since they weren't and silently finished his potion. Class was soon let out and he more or less wasn't there mentally as he went throughout his classes. Detention soon came and he headed down to Umbridge's office. He didn't react when the blood quill was given to him. He simply gave in and wrote the lines silently, hoping Snape wouldn't be angry with him for being late.

By the time he finished his lines, his hand was now bleeding freely and he wasn't looking forward to washing cauldrons. He actually felt like he would cry if he did. But that would be surprising; Harry couldn't remember the last time he cried. Crying made you feel better, and he deserved to suffer; after all Cedric was dead. Shaking that thought away he made his way to the Dungeons; and forced himself to relax, knowing that he would never make it through the detention if he didn't calm down. After gaining entrance into the man's office Harry stood in front of his desk keeping his gaze focused on the wall next to Snape. He was surprised when his teacher told him to sit down. Harry took a seat in confusion as he looked at the man.

"You were right; you did have detention with her yesterday. My question is why she lied about it. Can you shed some light on that Potter?" Severus said neutrally.

"She hates me of course," Harry replied quietly.

"Why does she hate you? You've only had two classes with her this year," Severus replied.

"Because I say that Voldemort is back, she says he isn't. I'm just a child, therefore I must be wrong. What is detention today sir?" Harry replied tiredly, he didn't want to talk to the man, or anyone for that matter.

"Lines, you will be writing lines. And do not mention that name in my presence," Severus replied with a wince before pointing to the desk in the corner of his office.

Harry's eyes widened as he looked at the man in horror, this had to be some bloody joke right? His hand was still bleeding and now he had to write more lines? Harry took a breath before remembering that Snape hadn't had a quill that made him bleed before nodding and making his way to the desk. Once again he didn't see the dark gaze on him calculating.

Harry plowed through his lines and was released wondering what the hell that had been about. Snape hadn't yelled at him or anything was the world going mad or something? He shook his head as he made his way to his tower. Ignoring his so called friend trying to get his attention, Harry bade Neville goodnight before falling asleep. He woke up a few hours later with a scream as the scar on his forehead continued throbbing. He looked around the dorm with terrified eyes, before closing them which turned out to be the worst thing as he remembered just what Voldemort had been doing.

Harry put his hand over his mouth before running to the bathroom, unaware that the boy's in his dorm were looking at one another in horror. They had seen his bleeding scar, they looked at each other quietly but no one moved except for Neville and Ron who looked more scared then any of them. Harry leaned against the wall as he flushed the toilet, as he walked towards the sink to rinse his mouth he saw his friends by the door.

"Are you alright Harry?" Neville asked.

"I don't know," Harry replied hoarsely and honestly for once.

"What happened?" Ron asked breaking the silence after a moment.

"Voldemort was playing his favorite game," Harry replied bitterly.

"Which was what?" Neville asked softly.

"Muggle hunting," Harry replied forcibly, as the nausea returned.

"Did you want to go to Dumbledore Harry?" Ron asked softly.

"No he's ignoring me, I'll just talk to him tomorrow if I really have too." Harry answered brushing pass them and back to his dorm.

He ignored the other two boy's stares as he closed his curtain. He could hear everyone else getting back to bed, but Harry couldn't make himself even try to sleep. These visions were getting more and more brutal. Why did he have to see them? Why was it always him? How did he prevent them? He didn't sleep the rest of the night.

A month or so had gone by and Harry's injuries on his body were mostly healed, though a few welts were still opened, and he hoped that they wouldn't become infected. He hadn't been sleeping well due to the visions he got every other night. He was always so tired, but he couldn't do anything, the Headmaster refused to look at him.

By the time the next day rolled around, he was dead on his feet. Dressing as quickly as he could he made his way to Dumbledore's office. He looked around the man's office before explaining to him what he had been seeing all these sleepless nights. Harry listened even as the man refused to look at him, but he was used to adults giving up on him. Life at the Durselys had taught him well.

"Have you ever heard of Occulmency Harry?" Albus asked neutrally.

"No sir, what it is?" Harry asked quietly.

"It's magic that doesn't require any type of spell that allows you to block your thoughts from others." Albus replied.

"You mean I can hide them from Voldemort?" He asked cautiously.

"Precisely my boy, you will be learning it." Albus replied.

"Will you teach me?" Harry asked quietly.

"No I won't be teaching you, Severus will."Albus answered gently.

"Snape, but he hates me." Harry cried out in horror.

"Professor Snape doesn't hate you Harry," Albus replied.

"Whatever you say sir," Harry replied, there was no point to fight, knowing what Albus Dumbledore wants he would get.

"At 7:00pm tonight, be at his office Harry for your first lesson." He said softly.

"Whatever," Harry replied before walking towards the door.

He couldn't understand what he did to make the headmaster hate him so. Did he really hate him enough to make him study with Professor Snape? Harry surprised himself by being able to handle everything the Slytherins were throwing against him this year. Not to mention, ever since that nightmare where he woke up the whole dorm, Seamus and Dean had been looking at him weird. Not that it was something new to him, he hated the way his house was treating him, made him wish he was a Huffelpuff instead. After all; your friends in that house were very loyal to you. He was still the freaky kid even in the magical world.

Harry hated this feeling, of being good one moment and then being angry all the time. He just wanted to be, for once to not think of anything. School had gotten busy and it had been a while since he had thought about the gun in his trunk let alone held it. He could do it tonight just to reassure himself that it was still there. As he opened the door to exit the man's office Harry couldn't resist saying one more thing.

"I'm sorry for whatever I did headmaster, please don't hate me too." He whispered before closing the door behind him.

Harry would never know that the old man had heard his words plain as day and had tiredly sat down as Fawkes played a mournful tune, the old man oblivious to what it really meant.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N- As someone has clearly explained that they understood just fine about why Harry is using what he has, I dont feel the need to repeat myself. Go back and reread the first chapter. Well then we are getting close to that moment. Next chapter has different points of views so you can see how everyone prepared themselves for something they never expected. Tell me what you think by reviewing. I shouldnt have flamers this far into the story, but some people are like that, so all you flamers out there. You can get shrunk to about the size of a roach, and then get squished by a steeled toed boot. That is all, on to the story.**

**Chapter 6: The Plan**

Harry walked into Snape's office later that night, not at all sure of what he was supposed to do. The headmaster hadn't been that all generous to just how the man was going to teach him. To be honest he was feeling a bit lost. He didn't know what to expect and that was his downfall. He could see the glint in the man's eye as he barked at him to clear his mind?

"How am I supposed to do that?" Harry asked quietly.

But Snape either didn't hear or was ignoring him before Harry's mind was forcibly invaded into. At the moment he could see himself back at the Durselys as Uncle Vernon choked him for waking them up in the middle of the night. He was abruptly brought back into Snape's office before Snape was yelling at him again. The next memory was Dudley pushing him down the stairs and his already welted back hitting the floor.

"Stop!"Harry yelled shaking his head, as he fell back into the wall.

He breathed a sigh of relief as he landed back into the man's office.

"Clear your mind Potter, do you think I want to see your pitiful memories?" Severus sneered.

"Then stop digging through my head for them." Harry yelled back.

"Clear your mind!" Severus yelled again before he was pointing his wand once again at Harry.

Harry's head jerked at the invasion but just like before he couldn't stop it. Memory after memory of his horrible childhood came forth showing his teacher everything. He had no type of secrets at that moment and it scared him. What if Snape found out about the gun? As they displayed Harry's detentions with Umbridge Snape quickly left his mind and was looking at Harry in anger.

"What was that I saw?" He asked in a dangerous voice that sent chills through Harry's body.

"Nothing," Harry replied feeling like his head was about to split open.

"Who helped you plant those lies? I know for a fact that your family dotes on you," Snape said angrily as his perception of the boy tried to shift after everything he had just saw.

"No one did sir," Harry replied not wanting to talk about this.

"Then what did I see," Snape pressed, his curiosity sparked over what he thought might have been a blood quill in a detention.

"Nothing sir," Harry replied softly.

"You're a liar Potter, whose memories were those because it wasn't yours? Prince Potter would never stay in a home that would hurt him. He loves attention and he would tell the first person he saw that he was being abused." Snape reasoned.

The last remaining parts of Harry's heart broke off at that moment. His teacher who had blatantly violated his mind just called him a liar. And attention sinking brat, there was nothing else he could say to that. It must be true Umbridge said it, Dumbledore hated him and now Snape said it. He was a toxin, a waste and he didn't deserve to live. Besides what was the bloody point when he was called a crazy loon every year.

How in the hell could you fake memories anyways? He shook his head as his heart started to harden it didn't even matter to him at that moment. That gun was coming out to play, and he needed to figure out what to do. He smiled cruelly knowing tomorrow would be perfect. Umbridge was going to be visiting the potions classroom tomorrow for an evaluation on Snape's teaching methods.

Harry smiled a disturbed smile as he realized that Snape, Umbridge, Malfoy would all be in the exact same place at the same time. He knew that the castle locked itself down when it felt that its occupants were being threatened. And that meant that the minute the first bullet was shot, the classroom would be on lockdown. The castle wouldn't know that the danger was inside with them.

Harry kept his frightful smile on his face as his plans started to fall into place. First he would need to get the gun and then he would head to the come and go room. He mentally thanked Dobby and Fred and George for showing him the room of requirement. He could have target practice there, and by the time tomorrow morning came he would be ready. Harry breathed a sigh of relief before returning his focus to his teacher who was looking at him oddly.

"We're done here Potter," Snape said quietly, as the boy's memories threatened to overwhelm him even as he fought them.

"Finally," Harry replied stretching for a moment.

"Read the first 5 chapters before our lesson tomorrow." Snape said neutrally.

"Yes sir," Harry said before turning to make his way out the door.

"Your wand Potter, you of all people should know how much you need to carry this more than anyone." Snape said scolding him, as he held out the item.

"Like I'll need it after tomorrow," Harry said off-handily before grabbing the wand and sticking it into his pocket.

Harry quickly walked out of the office and down the corridors. He was deep into his thoughts trying to figure out how this would go off without a hitch.

As Harry tried to perfect his plan the dark eyed man he had just left was feeling on edge. Severus had heard the Harry's chilling last words, and that didn't bode well for him. He had worked with a master who didn't seem to be afraid of death and he had seen his share of horrors. But he could truthfully say, hearing that last sentence from the child, the Gryffindor golden boy no less, was frightening. Severus nodded intending on watching the child closely tomorrow. He didn't want the boy to do anything rash like kill himself surely his life wasn't that bad.

He forced himself to occlude those memories away before he deposited them in the pensive he would look at them all closely tomorrow. He knew that the child who couldn't even block his thoughts didn't have false memories but that fact that he was the Potter spawn made him think illogically. The boy was guilty until proven innocent in his eyes.

Harry hurried back to the tower before walking into the common room and into his dorm. He ignored Hermione's wondering gaze as he headed up the stairs. Reaching into his trunk he pulled out his invisibility cloak and made sure it had everything tightly wrapped up in it. Grabbing the mirror that allowed him to talk to Sirius and his photo album, before standing up; he was ready.

"Harry, where are you going?" Neville asked quietly from his place on his bed.

"Just want to take a walk is all," Harry replied neutrally.

"Do you mind company?" Neville asked, something about the tenseness in his friend's shoulder wasn't sitting with him right.

"Thanks but I'm good Neville." Harry answered honestly.

"Alright Harry," he replied lying back on his bed.

Harry breathed a sigh of relief shoving everything into his small book bag before making his way downstairs. He was promptly pulled into the group by Ginny and Hermione who looked like she had just got done scolding Ron.

"How were remedial potions?" Hermione asked quietly.

"Snape hates me, so it of course sucked." Harry responded.

"It'll get better Harry, believe me." Ginny replied softly.

Harry didn't say anything, how long had he said the same thing to himself when Uncle Vernon had thrashed him. His only regret about tomorrow would be the fact that his Uncle wouldn't be there. Oh Harry would have loved to take him out, or even better allow Voldemort to have his way with him. Harry shared no love for his Aunt's husband and he was sure the feeling was mutual.

"I'll see you guys tomorrow," Harry said after a few minutes.

"Where are you going?" Ron asked, finally speaking up.

Harry didn't answer he hadn't forgiven his friend yet. He wasn't even sure if Ron was his friend or not at the moment, he was always so bloody off and on.

"Where are you going Harry?" Hermione finally asked, when it seemed liked Harry wasn't going to answer.

"Just need to clear my head, by myself is all." He replied.

"Oh we understand, be careful and all yea." Ginny answered.

"I will and thanks Ginny for everything." Harry replied looking at her fully.

On impulse he reached over and hugged her tight, he would miss her most of all. She seemed to always understand what it felt like to have the evil Dark Lord in his head. Considering she knew what it felt like, she never judged him on that and for that he was grateful.

"What was that for Harry?" Ginny asked curiously, Harry never initiated a hug.

"It felt like you needed one," he replied softly before standing up and making his way out the common room.

"Something's not right," Hermione mused quietly to the small group a few minutes after Harry had left.

"I know, I'm getting kinda scared and I don't even know what's wrong." Ginny replied softly.

"We'll just have to watch him is all," Hermione replied gently.

Harry made his way to the room of requirement the room setting him up immediately. Throwing a few silencing charms and asking for a sound proof room he got to work. Surprisingly after his 5th shot or so, he found that he had pretty good aim. Harry then took the time to practice his shield charm making sure it was pretty strong. It would suck to get cursed and go down before he could do a thing. One more thing he needed to do was try out that spell he has seen in the Chamber of Secrets his second year.

It was a simple yet complex locking charm. The reason why it was so complex was that you had to be a parsel tongue to cancel it. And seeing as there was no one else in Hogwarts he was pretty confident that it would work. It took him about an hour to perfect the spell and he was feeling it. Not wanting to go back to the tower, the room quickly provided him with a shower and a bed.

As he got into bed, he pulled out the mirror and smiled when his godfather's face appeared.

"Hi Sirius," he said cheerfully.

"Hey Harry, hows school going?" Sirius asked.

"It's going great, I miss you." Harry choked out as a lump unexpectantly appeared in his throat.

"I miss you too kiddo, don't worry I think that we'll get to see each other over Christmas." Sirius replied happily.

For a moment after hearing that Harry wanted to reschedule everything, but he knew it would be impossible. After all when would all three of the pains in his sides ever going to be in the same place as him at the same time. It had to be tomorrow, no excuses.

"That's great Sirius," Harry replied softly.

"What's the matter kiddo?" Sirius asked concern marring his features.

"Nothing, I'm just really, really going to miss you is all." Harry replied without thinking.

"I'm not going anywhere Harry," Sirius replied gently.

"But I am," Harry whispered softly before shaking his head.

"Never mind then," he said with a forced grin.

Harry noticed that his godfather didn't seem convinced and it took him about a half hour more until the frown had left his face. Harry hoped that Sirius didn't say anything otherwise the jig would be up and would be in St. Mungo's in 7 minutes. After saying goodbye to Sirius Harry put the mirror away and took out his photo Album. Looking at the pictures of his parents and promising to be there with them soon he dozed off into a pleasant dream, a smile on his face for once.

Meanwhile back in the dorms, Ron was currently getting ready for bed. He was trying to figure out where Harry had gone, and opened his mate's trunk to see if he brought the invisibility cloak. He sighed when he saw it gone; well there was no point to look for him now. As he was closing the case something gold caught his eye.

He picked up the small item that had the color of copper and a small point at the top. He looked at the item curiously not sure at all what the hell it was. He shrugged before closing the trunk, and placing it on his dresser by his bed. He would ask Hermione tomorrow she knew everything. Ron got ready for bed and quickly fell asleep unaware of the dangers unfolding tomorrow.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N- I love reviews but I'm sick of the abuse, so I've disabled anoyomous reviews, you wanna flame do it from you from your own account. Am really tired of explaining my story, I'm starting to think that the flamers get off to it in a sick way. Like they only feel better about themselves and their stories by putting others down. Theres a difference beetween critisim and just plain being mean. Anyways I've always checked back with my HP books, and online and it doesnt say anywhere that I have found that Hogwarts was shielded against muggle weapons. Like I said before magical beings(either light or dark) knew they were different from muggles, and didnt see them as a threat. On another note this is a FANFIC site, i can do whatever I want with them in MY story so get over it. Makes me not wanna write anymore,(rant over lol) On to the story.**

**Chapter 7: Foreboding Feeling**

Severus woke up the next morning feeling like he hadn't slept at all. There was an ominous feeling in the pit of his stomach as he got dressed. He couldn't shake the mood that something was going to happen today. What that was he didn't know but he knew that it was going to be bad whatever it was. He made his way towards his office and summoned the pensive.

Though he hated the child with a burning passion that rivaled his hate for his dogfather and father he couldn't stop thinking about what he thought was a blood quill last night. Taking a deep breath he plunged into the basin.

Ron woke up the next morning, glancing curiously as he saw Harry's untouched bed. Where was his friend? He shook his head and hurriedly got dressed. As he was grabbing his book bag he nearly forgot that golden item on the dresser. He grabbed it and shoved it into his pocket intending on showing it to Hermione at breakfast.

Albus Dumbledore couldn't shake the sensation that something horrible was going to happen today. As he talked to his familiar he went through all the possibilities of Tom attacking the school. It didn't seem likely at the moment, but that worrying feeling didn't go away. He sucked on a lemon dropped as he took his seat in the great hall. He looked reflexively towards the Gryffindor table, surprised when he saw 2/3rd of the Gryffindor Trio. He turned to ask Minerva something when he saw that Severus was also absent, until he saw the man stiffly take his seat. That only left him one thing to wonder; where in the world was Harry?

Ginny looked at Neville before looking at Hermione and her brother. Did Harry already eat? She frowned as she nibbled on her breakfast but she didn't want to bring up his absence. She could see in Hermione's eyes that she too was wondering just where Harry was. Ginny smiled when she saw Ron stuffing his face as usual, before turning back to her food. Harry tended to skip a meal or two, and she shouldn't be worried about anything; should she?

Severus was staring unseeingly at his breakfast, his mask just as blank as any other day. Only today the emotions he felt were rage and anger on behalf on one Harry Potter. He heard that annoying giggle from the toad Professor and his lips unconsciously twisted into a sneer. How dare she sit there and eat like she hadn't done anything? How dare she treat any child like she treated Harry? Somewhere between the time he saw the child's memories last night and the blood quill detention, the boy no longer was just Potter.

The boy was more than that, how one child could keep his silence that long. Severus nodded his head; he had no doubt that Harry's hand was infected. Today during class, he grimaced as he remembered the evaluation with that witch. Oh well, as soon as he started class he would meet with him in his office and give him the potions. Severus didn't even have to ask why the boy didn't go for help, having seen enough memories to know why. He shook his head, he would have to take the child to Madame Pomprey as well, since this was more her expertise.

He found himself turning his gaze towards the lion's table expecting to see a raven haired child with dark eyes in between a red head but he didn't. The boy couldn't afford to lose meals, so where was he? Severus didn't worry about it, knowing he would be in potions by the time class started. He finished his food quickly; he would need to talk to Dumbledore after classes today.

He knew for a fact that Albus would not appreciate it anymore then he did that someone had hurt his students. Potter couldn't be the only one could he? How many other students were there who were also afraid to speak up? Severus stood up from the table and made his way out the hall and towards his dungeons. He didn't want to give that blasted woman any reason to write him up. She was a liar and a few more choice words. He let himself into his office and after making sure his classroom was in pristine condition he sat down in his office to wait.

Harry woke up the next morning bright eyed and happy for once. He had a mission today and he knew what he had to do. Wishing for a room closer to the tower he smiled when it appeared. He grabbed his pack with his special things and headed through the entrance. As he came to an empty common room he realized that everyone was probably at breakfast. His stomach grumbled audibly, he had been without a few meals but since this was his last day he wanted to be full. He called for a house elf and ate his fill before getting everything ready for class.

He placed a strong anti-summoning charm on the gun and bullets, expecting someone to try to take it from him. He placed a shield around him, and was quite proud of how strong it seemed to be. He didn't want to get cursed before he could even do anything. He could already see the headlines now; the boy-who-lived a suicidal maniac. He chuckled that first part is true but he wasn't crazy. This was the sanest he had ever felt in his life.

The plan was to disarm the most people he could or just those three main people. He winced at he placed his wand in his left hand. He could barely grip it tightly, considering how much it had swelled up. It was purple; and yellow and white puss was coming from it. He had no doubt that it was infected. Oh well he only needed his right hand to shoot the gun. He sat down on the bed and wrote a small will, so that his money wouldn't go to the ministry when it was clear that his friends would need it more. He placed the letter in an envelope and set it on Ron's bed with a sticking charm.

Harry took a deep breath before loading the gun and placing the remaining bullets in his pockets. He cocked the gun and took off the safety, before nodding to himself. He was ready, he could do this. Harry smiled a grim smile before picking up the mirror once more expecting his godfather to come on but was surprised to find it Remus.

"Where's Sirius?" Harry asked softly.

"Hangover, so he's sleeping it off," Remus replied apologetically.

"Oh," Harry answered.

"Is there anything I can help you with cub?" Remus asked cheerfully.

"No there isn't, thanks though," Harry responded softly.

"Alright the Harry, I know you have class so I won't keep you." Remus said kindly as he prepared to say goodbye.

"I hope you can forgive me Moony for leaving you and Sirius," Harry said almost inaudibly.

"What did you say cub?" Remus asked his brow furrowing in confusion. He could have sworn he heard him apologize for leaving them. He shook his maybe he heard wrong.

"I said I miss you guys," Harry replied quickly.

"We miss you too cub, "Remus answered with a wary smile.

"Bye," Harry finally said before placing the mirror in his trunk with the rest of his valuables.

Harry took a breath before exhaling as he headed out the dorm and to the common room. He took a look around, before deciding he wasn't gonna miss this place. Walking out the portrait he heard the bell ring for the first class. He smiled a grim smile as he marched to the Dungeons, never being more excited for potions then he was at that moment. His black shoes echoed almost silently on the stone floor as he stopped in front of the classroom. He was late by just a few minutes, but he didn't care. He took one more breath before he schooled his expression to that of being bored before turning the knob. It was time to die.


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N- I realize the title isnt original, but some of you are a bit of slave drivers lol. My fault really for leaving you with that cliffy I suppose. For those of you who keeps calling Severus cruel, he's not for the thousanth time, hes just more stubborn. Jeesh give the man time to redeem himself. I hope you guys like this chapter and yes, sh#t hits the fan begining now. I dont know if enjoy is the right word but here it is. **

**Chapter 8: All Hell Broke Loose**

Harry wasn't surprised when he every head in the classroom swiveled in his direction in varies expression of shock and horror or in the case of Malfoy and the Slytherins; glee. Everyone knew coming to Snape's class late was suicidal, he smirked at the irony. As his teacher barked to the students who immediately went back to their work he took this time to quietly place his locking charm on the door. He turned around quickly once he felt the magic set before looking at Snape who for once wasn't glaring at him. The toad however was smiling cruelly at him, and out of reflex his hand twitched.

"Mr. Potter, my office now." Severus said firmly as he gave some instructions to the class.

Harry sighed but walked into the man's office. He took a seat down in the chair across the desk. Snape arrived about a minute later and placed a one way silencing spell around them. It allowed them to hear what was going on in the classroom but they couldn't hear what they said in the office. Harry smirked cruelly perhaps this could work in his favor. He could shoot Snape right now and be done with it.

His good hand was already thinking that, and it was slowly inching towards its bag to bring the gun out. He stopped however when his teacher moved to sit on the desk right in front of him.

"Let me see your hand Harry," Severus said tiredly, already having the correct potions he needed on the desk.

"Sir, what are you talking about?" Harry asked innocently as he sat frozen in his seat.

"You know what I'm talking about, so don't insult my intelligence by trying to play dumb. In case you are really being obtuse for the moment let me point it out to you. Give me your hand, the one whose wounds were inflicted by a blood quill. Let me see how far the infection has gone." Severus said with more patience he had ever used towards Harry before.

Harry could do nothing else but stare. His left hand lifted up without thought as he placed it on the man's thigh with no comment. Harry watched the usually stoic and blank face, hold horror and rage for a moment before it blanked over again. He narrowed his eyes; Snape couldn't be getting that mad over him?

"Why didn't you tell someone?" Severus asked as he withheld a wince.

Severus sighed softly as he poured a numbing potion on the hand, waiting a moment for it to take effect. He didn't want to cause the boy any unnecessary pain, knowing the child didn't need to suffer anymore.

"I'm crazy and a fraud and an attention-seeking brat. Who the hell would have believed me?" Harry scoffed.

"Dumbledore would believe you as would your head of house."Severus replied indifferently.

"You mean the headmaster who won't even look at me? The same one who's pretending I don't exist? I don't think so," Harry replied, watching in morbid fascination as his teacher worked on his hand.

"Albus has his reasons I assure you. You could have come to me even," Severus said the words slipping out before he could take them back.

"Whatever, I'm used to not being able to count on people. It was my mistake in the first place for thinking I could trust him. And you know damn well I couldn't have just come to you. You would have tossed me out on my arse but not after telling me I deserved it." Harry replied angrily.

His hand unconsciously held the gun now, he felt himself calm down as he touched it. Snape didn't know it but he was treading on thin ice at the moment.

"I would never tell you or any student that they deserved to have a Professor abuse them. I'm harsh yes, but when have I ever raised my hand to a child Potter? I hate all of you equally." Severus admitted with a smirk as he rubbed the essence of murlap on his hand.

"Well that's comforting in a way, at least coming from you it is." Harry replied tightly, the effects of the mild numbing potion wearing off.

"Are you in pain child?" Severus asked handing him a pain potion before he could even answer.

Harry didn't bother to say anything as he drank from the vial. His grip on the gun loosened as he thought about something. Why in the hell was Snape helping him?

"Why are you being so nice to me?" Harry blurted out; after all he had nothing to lose.

"Because, I was wrong to treat you the way I did. I know you didn't plant those memories, and believe me when I say that we will be speaking to the Headmaster about your appalling relations later on today." Severus said as he wrapped up Harry hand in a water proof bandage.

Harry nodded but he couldn't say anything as he stared at his teacher. Was the man confounded? What the fuck was going on? This didn't make sense in the slightest it just made him more confused. As he watched Snape cancel the privacy charm and gesture for him to walk back into the classroom, he was in a daze. Snape had been nice to him, but why? Harry looked at his bag and at his newly wrapped hand.

The man had just taken care of him for reasons Harry still didn't know. Maybe he didn't have to shoot Snape. He nodded as he looked at the pink toad in the corner but he was definitely shooting her and that ferret Malfoy. It was genius really that the only available seat was in the back towards the left that gave him an almost perfect shot of the toad woman. Harry could feel the giddiness throughout his body he was ready for this.

Ron had looked up stunned when he saw Harry come in late, and got scared for his mate when Snape called him into his office. As he went back to his cauldron he remembered something he had forgotten to show Hermione. He dug into his trouser pocket and pulled it out. Snape had come out his office but he was glaring daggers at Umbridge, Ron couldn't blame him. Quickly taking advantage of the distraction he turned to her.

"Hermione, do you know what this is?" He asked placing the golden item on the desk and rolling it to her.

"It's a bullet Ron, see how the….," Hermione trailed off in horror as she looked at Ron.

"What's the matter Mione?" Ron asked softly.

"Ron what the bloody hell are you doing with a bullet?" She asked eyes wide in shock.

"I found it," Ron replied softly, he would have commented on her language but her tone told him this was a serious matter. "What's a bullet Hermione?"

"It's something that people use to kill either other people or animals; though you would need a gun for that. Now where did you find this?" She asked slowly.

"In Harry's trunk and what's a gun?" Ron asked grimly as he looked at the now offending item on the desk.

Hermione was horrified at what she had just heard, ignoring Ron's inquiry about what a gun was. She hoped to Merlin or God or whoever was up there that Harry didn't have a gun to go along with that one bullet. Were there more bullets where this one came from? She turned to look behind her but she couldn't see him clearly from where she was. Why was he sitting on the Slytherin side of the room anyways?

Harry slowly took out his gun, after making sure that no one was paying any attention to him and pointed it at the woman. He held his breath, and closed one eye before the silence in the classroom was shattered by this loud BOOM! Everyone jumped in fright a few of the kids screamed and covered their ears, but Harry only smirked as Umbridge screamed a terror-filled shriek and fell to the floor.

Her stomach was gushing blood and it was staining the stone floor. Everyone's eyes were riveted to the woman on the floor who was starting to spit out blood. They watched her horror-filled eyes for a just a second as it seemed like everyone was holding their breath. For one moment all was quiet, until someone screamed and all hell just broke loose.


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N- This chapter might not be the best, because of the so many reviews I got about one certain thing I had to rearange the next few chapters I had already written. Anyways I hope you like this one, and I'm sorry for all the cliff hangers, i swear they seem like the best place to stop. I dont intentally mean to keep you guys holding your breath so to speak. Enjoy.**

**Chapter 9: What do you Believe in?**

Harry calmly moved his bag in front of him on the desk and placed the gun on it before resting his head on the bundle. He was the only one in the classroom not freaking out. Well except for Snape who by then was ordering silence in his classroom. The minute everyone had quieted down everyone heard it. There was this long agonizing alarm before they could hear several walls down the corridor closing, along with doors.

The fire in the fireplace changed from green to red in an instant and Harry grinned. The castle was locking itself down. He could see his classmates trying to open the door, and he was very happy that he had placed his charm on it first as the castle hadn't yet locked them in. He could hear a bolt sliding into place though he couldn't see it before everything was quiet all except for one voice.

"Attention students and Teachers! Do not panic, the castle has lock itself down, because it either felt threatened for itself or its inhabitants. I will be working on opening the doors to the classrooms as soon as I can. I repeat remain calm!" Albus Dumbledore's voice said as it sounded throughout the entire castle.

Harry looked around his class again, they wouldn't remain calm especially since the danger they were warned of was in the room with them. He could hear Umbridge gurgling on her blood and soon everyone turned and remembered her. Snape was quickly yelling out directions as he conjured towels and was pressing it to the woman's stomach.

Severus wasn't a healer and though he had basic healing training he wasn't proficient as a healer and he didn't know if the bullet was still in her stomach or how to close her stomach up.

"Keep pressure on it, do not let go of that towel for anything! Do you hear me?" He said sternly, as he ran to his office to get some potions.

"Yes sir," Neville Longbottom and Vincent Crabbe replied. Neither boy looked at the woman they both hated, but instead at each other. Old rivalries weren't present between them at that moment. Each of them just worried if they were next, speaking of which; what had just happened?

Hermione walked over to the lady who had made her question her faith in teachers and gasped. She had done a report on bullet wounds back in primary school and she knew without a doubt just what this was. But it was too much of a coincidence right? Harry wasn't capable of murder was he? She turned around to see him looking just as calm as ever, and that chilled her to her bones.

Harry noticed a few wands scattered over the floor and quietly went a picked them up. He hid then in his bag placing an anti summoning charm on them. Breathing a sigh of relief he was nearly done, all he needed to do was take out Malfoy and then himself. Snape could clean this up. He nodded and turned his head eerily towards the blonde boy who looked like he might be sick. Harry walked over towards him the gun lying limply at his side.

"What do you want Potter?" Malfoy tried to sneer, but his sweaty, pale face hindered the effect.

"To kill you, plain and simple," Harry replied coldly.

"You can't kill anyone Potter, it would take a dark wizard and you are as light as they come." Draco scoffed not at all afraid at the moment.

"You don't need to have a wand to kill someone. You see what happened to Umbitch?" Harry asked softly.

"Yes," Draco whispered as he turned to look into green eyes that looked much to calm for his sake.

"I did that," Harry responded with a merciless smile.

"How did you do that? The potions classroom prevents any type of defensive or offensive magic in here," Draco replied confused.

"I didn't use magic, as for how; the same way I'm going to kill you." Harry replied with a real smiled as he brought the gun forward.

"What are you gonna kill me with then?" Draco asked turning his head, wondering why he felt the need to go towards the back of the classroom in the first place. No one was paying them attention or so he thought.

"This is a muggle weapon, it's called a gun. Now when everyone says I'm a killer they will be speaking the truth and nothing but the truth." Harry replied as he cocked the gun. He pointed the gun directly in the middle of the blonde's chest and stared at him.

Though Draco didn't fully understand just what the thing was he knew that whatever had hit his teacher had cause extensive damage and he didn't want to get hit by it. He didn't want to die, and his breaths hitched up. His eyes widened in horror as he watched the boy close one eye. His body was trembling uncontrollably and against his will he felt his pants get warm and the tell-tale sound of water splattering on the stone floor. He was beyond scared to feel humiliated at that point.

"You've pissed yourself, so much for your pureblood etiquette," Harry taunted.

Hermione stood up from her place on the ground and looked back to where she had last seen Harry. She glanced around the classroom widely, when she didn't seem him. That it until she caught sight of Harry pointing a gun at Malfoys chest. She tried to summon it but it didn't come to her, and she swallowed back her fear. She turned to look for her teacher and bumped directly into his stomach.

"Excuse Miss Granger," Severus replied absently as he handed Neville a pain potion to give to the woman.

"Professor she's been shot." Hermione replied quickly, one eye still on the boys. They seemed to be talking, that would bide her some time. How much she didn't know.

"I know that Miss Granger, what I want to know is how she got shot. No one here in Hogwarts has a gun," Severus answered agitatedly.

"Yes they do," Hermione said softly.

"Who do you mean?" Severus asked urgently.

"Harry has a gun, and he shot her." Hermione answered as a lump appeared in her throat. Saying it seemed to make it true, but she couldn't understand why; her best friend wasn't a killer.

"That's the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard Miss Granger. Now if you will excuse me I need to help your Professor," Severus said with a shake of the head, everyone knew that Harry was harmless.

"I'm not lying sir look; he's about to shoot Draco next," Hermione said frantically pointing towards the back corner.

Severus's heart stilled as he saw the scene in front of him. He looked at the girl and gesturing for her to stay where she was he quickly but quietly made his way towards them. He didn't want to surprise Harry and have him shoot the child even sooner. He was having trouble believing it even though he was looking directly at them. How hadn't he noticed this in the memories?

"Potter, why are you doing this?" Draco asked, eyes filling with tears. His life was flashing through his eyes, and he was painstakingly becoming aware of every horrid thing he had ever done to the boy across from him.

"If you have to ask, then you deserve this death more than anything. If I could stomach it I wouldn't use this method at all, I would draw your death out so you could suffer every minute of it." Harry replied enunciating the last sentence quietly with a glint in his green eyes.

Draco's tears fell after hearing that, he could see his head of house coming towards him and he wanted to scream but he didn't want to get shot. He could hear the classroom still as one by one; everyone became aware of just what was going on in the back corner.

"I'm sorry Potter," Draco said quickly, and through his fear unsure if he even meant it or not.

"I don't think you are Malfoy, you know what I think? I think that you're only apologizing because you think that's going to stop me from shooting you. A lovely Slytherin tactic but it's not gonna work," Harry answered with a smirk.

"You'll get the kiss for this, or Azkaban if you kill me." Draco said as a last resort.

"Please, right after I relieve you of your pathetic existence, I will be following you into the afterlife. I have no plans to live after today," Harry replied as if he was discussing the weather.

"You're mad," Draco exclaimed before he covered his mouth hoping he didn't anger the boy.

"Damn right I am, you all have seen it. This time I will be guilty for my crime, and when Voldemort comes back and kills your family, betcha anything this day will come back and bite you in the arse, hard. And you know what I'm going to be doing?" Harry asked with cruel laugh. "I'm going to be laughing my ass off beyond the grave waiting to see how many of you poor souls he's gonna take down." Harry finished before his gaze were back on Draco.

"Scared Draco?" He asked, remembering what the blonde had asked him second year.

"Terrified," the Slytherin boy replied as he shut his eyes tight.

"That's not part of the game; you're supposed to say 'you wish'," Harry said with a grin before his face blanked over.

He could see Snape pulling out his wand and Harry moved the gun from his chest to his head.

"Come another step Professor, and I'll blow his brains out," Harry replied neutrally.

"Harry you don't want to do this," Severus said stopping in his tracks immediately.

"I have to do this," Harry replied softly, looking at the blonde who was gazing at him with a sorrow filled expression.

"Why do you have to do this Harry?" Severus asked softly.

"Because if I don't he will never understand how much he hurt me. I want him to understand how he made me feel." Harry replied as his voice wavered for a moment before it steeled again.

"And he does Harry, I know he does. This isn't the way to show him, you are not a killer Harry Potter," Severus replied calmly.

"Oh but I am, according to the papers; isn't that right Seamus? Dean, you wanna back up your best mate?" Harry taunted as he looked at the two boys who seemed to be close to tears themselves.

"Harry don't do this," Ron cried out from the where Snape had told him to stay.

"Oh now you're on my side Ron? Did you know Professor that my entire house turned on me, because of the papers?" Harry stated casually.

"Did they Harry, how did that make you feel?" Severus asked, wanting to keep him talking.

"Hurt, and alone, like I did at the Durselys. I don't wanna talk about me Professor," Harry said his eyes never leaving the blonde.

"Alright we won't talk about you child. What did you wanna talk about?" Severus said feeling like if he could keep the boy talking he could somehow get him to lower the gun.

"Maybe we can talk about how close you came to dying today." Harry answered with a nod.

"What do you mean Harry?" Severus asked with a silent gulp.

"I was gonna shoot you in your office earlier, but you showed me kindness; why?" Harry asked, voice still tinged with the confusion he still felt.

"Like I told you before I protect my students, all of them. From teachers, their parents, students and even themselves," Severus replied honestly, though fear twisted deep in his gut at Harry's revelation.

"So you mean you would step in front of Draco and take the bullet for him if you could?" Harry asked in shock.

"I would, if it came down to that." Severus replied softly, hoping it didn't.

"If it was me, would you still do it?" Harry asked, quietly.

"I would in a heartbeat, why would I allow Lily's son to die?" Severus answered back, unable to keep the emotion from out of his voice. He slowly walked forward, being careful not to garner attention.

"You knew my mum?" Harry asked in bewilderment as he turned to look at his teacher.

He thanked his seeker reflexes because he could see Malfoy turn either to run or grab the gun and Harry reacted instantly.

"Where do you think you're going Mr. Malfoy?" Harry asked in a low, cold voice causing the boy to still in his tracks.

"Nowhere Potter," he replied softly.

"That's right, you are going nowhere. I grow tired of your games, for a snake you're not very cunning. "Harry replied cruelly.

"Don't do this Harry, this isn't you." Draco pleaded.

"Since when did you start calling me by my given name? No matter, but since you said it I should give you the same honor. Do you believe in heaven Draco?" Harry asked evenly.

"What's heaven?" Draco asked his eyes overflowing with his tears, dripping off his face but he didn't notice.

"A place muggles believe you go when you die," Harry answered serenely.

"Please I don't want to die," Draco begged.

"Wow, I have reduced the Slytherin Prince to begging; never thought I would see the day. It's too bad that neither of us will be able to enjoy it. Goodbye Draco," Harry said easily.

"Harry, Lily was my best friend." Severus quickly said, sighing inwardly in relief as it had the desired effect on the boy; who turned to look at his teacher in disbelief.

"Mum was your best friend? How come no one ever told me this?" Harry asked quietly, as his emotions threatened to overwhelm him.

"I wasn't sure you really wanted to know that your mother was friends with the greasy bat of the dungeons." Severus replied honestly.

He would say whatever needed to be said to keep the boy from shooting off that gun. Harry didn't need any deaths on his conscious, no matter what the boy thought he would not be able to kill himself at least not on Snape's watch.

"Can you tell me about her?" Harry asked softly, his eyes shining bright with tears.

Severus could see Draco trying to move away and he subtly shook his head. One wrong move and he had no doubt that his Slytherin would be on the floor gushing blood like Umbridge. Harry was still very much on edge and it frightened him to his core. He continued making his way slowly to the boys.

"She had a great laugh, and her hair was a vibrant red; every time I see your eyes I think of her because you inherited them from her. She was very protective of her friends, and she loved learning about magic. You're very similar to your mother; I just didn't see it before." Severus admitted quietly. He was very aware that the entire class was listening but he didn't care, keeping his gaze steady on Harry.

"How was she in school? Was she smart?" Harry asked, as his sight started to blur from his tears.

"She was extremely smart and talented in charms and potions. Lily saw the best in you even when you couldn't see it yourself. She was very forgiving, and I was young and stupid." Severus said closing his eyes as his own emotions tried to break through his barriers.

Harry watched his teacher with shiny eyes, wishing he could have known his mother, and got to know the woman Snape was talking about. He turned once more towards the Slytherin and stared at him, knowing his parents wouldn't want him to do this, and had they been alive he would have never even thought of something like this.

"Thank you for telling me Professor, but that doesn't change anything." He said softly as he tightened his grip on the gun and leveled it at the Slytherin.

Harry could see and hear how everyone tensed and he laughed inwardly, wanting to relish in the moment, but knowing he couldn't. He meant what he said, wanting the boy to suffer and he would make sure that his last remaining moments he had, would hurt. Harry smiled a malicious smile before cocking an eye up, as he prepared himself to shoot. He startled and jumped back when Snape suddenly inserted himself in between Draco and himself.

"Professor Move," Harry said calmly.

"I can't let you do this Harry," Severus said softly, his heart pounding in his throat. He had never thought he would go out like this, but he would do what he could to protect his students; all of them.

"I don't wanna shoot you Professor, so please get out of the way." Harry said voice starting to rise in anger.

"Harry, you don't wanna do this. I know you don't," Severus continued as if Harry hadn't spoken in.

"I do wanna do this, I wanna end it right here and now," Harry said nodding his head vigorously to prove his point, his face annoyed with his teacher's hindrance.

"Then you're gonna have to shoot me Harry to get to him," Severus said calmly.

"Fine, if that's what you want then I will." Harry said heatedly.

"Then do so," Severus said, closing his eyes; preparing for the impact.


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N- I never expected this story to get so much love so to speak, I was just responding to a challenge, though I dont think this is what she had in mind lol. You guys are getting two stories in one day, because I felt the love in your reviews, THANKS SO MUCH GUYS. So I changed the rating from T to M, because apparently it needed to be. Thanks for the heads up guys, and a warning is also included in the summary. With that said and done, let me warn you again. This chapter contains Suicide Themes obviously, Blood loss, a death and ALOT of angst. Hope that helps, you. On to the story.**

**Chapter 10: Freedom comes at a Price**

Harry closed his one eye so he could aim the gun and took a breath but he couldn't make himself shoot it. He breathed loudly; leave it to Snape to mess up everything.

"Fuck you Snape!" He yelled turning around and shooting at the desk to the left of his teacher and Draco. Thankfully no one else was near them and the bullet harmlessly hit the desk, though everyone flinched anyways.

"If that's the way you feel Harry, "Severus said without humor as he opened his eye to look at Harry.

He could hear Draco's ragged breathing behind him, and he longed to turn around and see how his Slytherin was doing but that would be suicidal; quite literally.

"Give me the gun Harry," he said holding it hand out, palm face up.

"No, you can't have it." Harry replied shaking his head and backing up.

"You're not going to shoot anyone else," Severus said gently, though firmly.

He had no doubt that had he not told Harry of his mother, nor helped him the boy wouldn't have a problem going through him so to speak. He couldn't have ended up just like Umbridge shot and bleeding on the floor.

Speaking of which, he didn't even know how she was now and at the moment he couldn't check on her. Harry was still holding the gun and was mockingly pointing it at his housemates. Severus wasn't surprised to note that when Harry cocked the gun Thomas broke down and sobbed while Finnegan's black trousers glistened with wetness. He couldn't blame either of them; Draco had done the same thing as Finnegan. He was interrupted from his musings by Weasely who suddenly yelled.

"Harry, don't you fucking dare!" Ron yelled and the class quickly turned from Snape to the Gryffindor.

Harry startled as he looked at Ron, he was in the process of placing the gun underneath his neck by his chin. With morbid curiosity he wondered how it would feel to have all his teeth shattered at one time before he blew his brains up. He had read somewhere that the human head would be alive for 8 seconds after death, when it was decapitated. Would it be the same if he blew his head off? He locked gazes with Ron's and shook his head. He could see fear and shock, and disbelief all prominent in his features.

"I have to do this Ron," Harry replied softly.

"Why do you have to do this though?" Ron asked quietly, his voice pleading.

"Because it's the only way I can be free," Harry answered voice raw with sadness.

Harry turned away from his friend, not even looking at Hermione. He looked back at Draco, who wondering when he had fallen to the floor. The boy was quietly sobbing or so it looked liked. When did Neville get over here? Why was he helping the Slytherin? Wasn't he helping Umbridge? Harry bit the inside of his lip; he had forgotten about her.

He wondered if she was alive before slowly walking towards the front of the classroom until he was standing over Umbridge. He could see the fear in her eyes, how she was still alive was anyone's guess. He wondered if her magic was keeping her alive, well it wouldn't last for long.

"Bet you wish now that you hadn't made me carve lines into my hand. I must not tell lies remember Professor? Since I must be truthful, I want you to know that I'm going to kill you, right here and now. And you want to know the good thing about it; I'm going to get away with it." Harry said in a dangerous voice.

He held the gun in front of him directly at her. He heard her give off a gurgled scream, but no one in the classroom came to her aid. Harry figured they were either all afraid of what he might do to them, or they all secretly wanted her to die too.

"Harry don't do it, she's going to die anyways," Severus said tiredly from where he was slumped on the wall.

When Harry had said that he had come mere inches from being one of his victims, Severus had quickly gone through every memory he had of the child and he could see himself being much too cruel to the young child. A boy who was just eager to learn about magic and he had ridiculed him and made Harry feel worthless. It felt like he was looking on the outside in, how could he do that to this child? How could he hold a grudge so?

The sad part was that when he was punishing Harry, he didn't see it that. All he thought about was take that James Potter, never mind that the boy didn't even know his father. He punished him whenever he got the chance which was often. It was only that small act of kindness today that had saved him, Severus had no doubt that had he not examined the memories more closely he would have been laid out right next to Umbridge, and Draco would have been dead.

"How do you know that?" Harry asked softly.

"My blood replenishing potions are nearly out of stock, and I can't close her wound. We both know the castle isn't going to open the door anytime soon." Severus replied quietly.

"You have a point Professor; to shoot her now would be giving her a quick death. I did want her to suffer," Harry said nodding before accidently on purpose stepping on her hand. He was rewarded with a gurgled groan and he smiled a sadist smile.

Harry walked towards his teacher's desk in the front of the classroom and sat down. As he stared at the silver handgun, he suddenly felt apprehensive, what was he waiting for? This was his moment, what he had been looking forward to all year. Why couldn't he end it? As he contemplated his thoughts he was aware of 2 eyes that stayed on his constantly. He knew who it was before he looked up into her sad brown eyes.

"Hermione, don't look," Harry said softly, not wanting to curse her with the gift of seeing thestrals.

"Then don't do it Harry, like Malfoy said this isn't you. The Harry I know would never be this selfish," she said tearfully.

Harry's eyes hardened like ice the minute she finished, and the temperature in the classroom when down a few notches. He watched his friend for a moment, and stared into her now terrified brown eyes and spoke.

"The Harry you know is a fraud; he shows you what you want to see in him. The real Harry is angry and afraid, and he hates life. He hates how his entire life has been incredibly fucked up. How no one has given a damn about who he was inside. They only saw what they wanted to see. It's a wonder he hadn't snapped before today. This is the real me; deal with it." He said mockingly before picking up the gun again.

He could see his speech had affected his peers but he couldn't be bothered by them anymore. He was growing tired of looking at their faces; he didn't want to feel guilty. If they looked at it his way, they would all be better off.

Harry exhaled once and placed the gun underneath his chin again, wondering what the best way to do it. He sighed there wasn't anyone he could ask now could he? He gave the classroom one more glance around; before he cocked the gun again, the sound echoing around the classroom. All eyes turned to him and his face lit up into a vindictive smile. A morbid part of him wanted to know how it felt and he moved the gun to his chest instead.

"If you don't want to be cursed with the sight of seeing thestrals, I would advise you to look away," was all he said before he closed his eyes.

Severus who had been fairly quiet up until that moment suddenly jumped out and glared at the child with angry dark eyes.

"Don't you dare waste Lily's sacrifice Harry James Potter," He said chest heaving in anger.

"I can do whatever the hell I want to Snape, I never asked her to die for me." Harry replied crossly.

"She did it because she loved you, she wanted her son to grow up and live his life. You're dishonoring her by taking it away by your own hands," Severus answered.

"Oh am I? Then maybe I should just wait for Voldemort and let him take me. No you wanna know what I think; I think mum would understand, if she was here. I think she would want me to be happy, "Harry answered haughtily.

"She wouldn't want you to kill yourself Harry, I knew Lily." Severus whispered.

"I wouldn't know, because I didn't." He replied in a dead voice.

"Think about your dog-godfather, how is the mutt going to feel?" Severus asked grasping on straws.

"He survived the first round, Padfoot will be ok. He's got Moony this time anyways," Harry said in the same flat voice.

"Albus would miss you terribly…," Severus started but was interrupted.

"I don't think so, Dumbledore means nothing to me. He doesn't care, I'm nothing but a tool, I think I've known for a while." Harry replied rubbing a hand tiredly through his hair.

"You're more than just a tool to Albus," Severus replied.

"I'm tired Professor, I just wanna sleep," Harry said softly with the shake of his head.

"Harry don't do this, you're more than just a tool to me as well." Severus admitted with a sigh.

"Don't say things, you know you don't mean." Harry said wearily.

"I meant every word Harry Potter; I don't want you to do this." Severus said as he crept forward, wondering if he could launch and take the gun away from the child himself.

"Well it's too late Professor," Harry said softly before turning his tortured gaze to the blonde who was silently crying on the floor.

"Hey Draco, this was for meant for you." He said green eyes piercing silver eyes.

Harry closed his eyes he could hear his teacher trying to summon the gun before he tried to stun him but Harry's enchantments held strong. He took one more deep breath and imagined himself flying through the air. The room around him disappeared, the fear and horror was gone in an instant. Harry smiled as he lost himself; he wanted to feel like this all the time and he would soon.

"I'm so sorry mummy," he whispered tearfully before he pulled the trigger.

"Harry NO!" Severus yelled though it was too late.

The gunshot echoed around the classroom, only this time to everyone there it seemed like it was the loudest in comparisons to the other too. The gun clattered to the floor as did Harry's body, and he hit the floor with a thud. Everyone was silent, but each face was stuck on different emotions that were yet the same on each person. Fear, disbelief, shock, and terror were in every single eye.

Harry stifled the urge to cry out, this was beyond painful. He regretted his curiosity at that moment, wishing he had taken the option of choosing his head. The tears that had filled his eyes overflowed down his face and he waited for the darkness to overtake him. He hoped it wouldn't be long, this hurt like hell and he was trying his hardest not to make a sound.

Severus ran to Harry immediately, he had taken a vow and he would not let Lily's child down. He had already killed his mother; he didn't need to add her son to the list. He was sure that the wizarding world hadn't dealt with a gunshot wound in a long time; and especially not one this extensive. He held the child in his arms, banishing the gun to his office. Severus's carefully constructed blank mask started to crumble, as he looked at the pain filled eyes. He took off his robe and pressed it onto Harry's chest to stop the bleeding.

"Granger, go into my office and get me a pain potion, a mild one now!" Severus said quickly. He wanted to take the edge off the pain, but he knew that if he made it go away, Harry might let death take him. He hoped it wasn't too late to save the child.

"Professor, don't be mad," Harry rasped out.

"Harry don't try to talk, but I need you to be strong for me. I need you to fight the darkness." Severus said urgently.

"I don't want to fight it," Harry gasped out.

"For me Harry, please fight it," Severus said as tears slowly fell from his dark eyes and down his face.

"For you," Harry replied softly as he struggled to catch his breath.

The gurgling sound from Umbridge had finally stopped and no one needed to look at her to know that she was indeed dead. No one said anything at all; the only sound was quiet breathing with the hitching breaths of Draco, who had yet to speak. The sudden sound of a bolt sliding was heard and then there was a strong magical presence in the air. The door blasted opened; thankfully the children had the good sense to move away. Severus looked up with tearful eyes and only muttered one word;

"Albus."


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N- This chapter may seem like its unimportant, but its paving the way so things can fall into place. Um this is everyone's reaction to what just happened last chapter, it will return to Harry's if he lives. Thank you soooo much for the reviews, they were awesome and I'll try to reply to them all as soon as I can. And just because I uploaded two yesterday, doesnt mean I wasnt gonna upload it today lol. Enjoy at the moment, their is a reprieve from the angst, but it shall be back. What can I say, I like angst, and this story is full of it. As you know in life it has to get worse before it can even get remotely better. Ok seriously on to the chapter and yes i was totally listening to the Fray when I wrote this chapter.**

**Chapter 11: How to save a life**

Albus Dumbledore was usually never rendered speechless but when he walked into the potions classroom that what happened to him exactly. It took but a moment to survey the room, and he could see blood everywhere. Yet as he studied the children they all seemed to be ok, stave for one in particular; Draco Malfoy. The young Slytherin was sitting on the floor staring blankly at the wall; and shivering.

His knees were to his chest and he was rocking back in forth, he looked to be in shock. He wondered curiously why Mr. Longbottom had put a robe around his shoulder and was offering comfort. His heart went out to the child and he quickly sent a patronus to Poppy to prepare her. He turned his head when he heard his name and got the shock of his lifetime.

Severus was holding a limp and bloody Harry Potter in his arms. He glanced to the left to see Delores staring unblinking at the ceiling and he knew without a doubt she was dead. He didn't know what happened here and it didn't seem like anyone would be talking anytime soon. All this took less than a minute for him before he was reactivating the floo.

"Everyone who is not injured please make your way to the infirmary. Severus and I will see to it that Mr. Malfoy and Mr. Potter will get there immediately. Close the door on your way out, it will be spelled shut until a time for when I need to return here. Go NOW!" He said firmly when it seemed like no one was moving. He picked up the blonde child who face was as white as a sheet and had dried tear track running down his cheeks. He walked towards Severus and just gestured to the man to go first. After Severus disappeared in the flames he followed in after him.

Neville was the first one to stand up when his Headmaster and Professor left, and he gently lifted up Pansy who was still crying on the floor. He didn't feel like talking, at the moment he wasn't sure if his voice even worked. He looked at his classmates once more before nodding with his head as he exited the classroom. He could hear them all following him silently, Professor Snape would be proud.

No one made a sound except for the occasional sniffle as they made that long trek to the hospital room. Neville had no words as he led the group, this felt like a surreal dream of some sorts. He wished that this was all a dream, but he knew it wasn't. He didn't know how to feel at that moment, and judging by everyone's expression they didn't either. It seemed like Dumbledore had opened their classroom first because they didn't meet anyone on the way there.

The castle was eerie, maybe it was just him though. He opened the door to the infirmary and he could see Madame Pomprey along with about a dozen medi-witches and wizards who were jumping from the two beds between them. He walked towards a bed, not wanting to see Harry or Draco and laid Pansy on it. He didn't know what to do, but that didn't matter when Pansy pulled his arm for him to stay. He sat on her bed and held her hand and still said nothing. The rest of the class stayed the same, silent but they were watching their brains unable to comprehend what just happened.

Everyone else quietly took their seats wherever they could, no one paying attention to houses. They kept their gazes away from the beds across from them, not wanting to see anything else at that point. The infirmary was loud and no one was paying any attention to them, but they still said not a word.

Ron was numbly holding Hermione's hand, he felt so detached from his body. He could see himself sitting on the bed tears silently falling from his eyes. How was this possible? He could see above the whole infirmary, it was like he was flying without a broom. He was quickly brought back down to earth when he heard his Professor's terrified voice. As he tried to focus on what was being said, the sound suddenly turned off and Headmaster Dumbledore was standing in front of them.

Severus was rocking agitatedly in his chair while the healers worked on his students. Draco had yet to speak a single word. The healers couldn't determine when he would come out of his shocked state. He didn't even seem to be in his body at the moment, he wasn't responding to anything. Harry was another story all together, though Harry had held on like he asked the news was still very grim.

He had passed out the moment Severus had landed into the infirmary; and lapsed into a coma. Albus's phoenix had donated a few tears but the child still only had a 60% chance of ever waking up again, but he had to believe. This child had beaten the odds so many times, and he hoped he would be able to pull through just one more time.

He could see Albus talking to his class but he couldn't be bothered to pay attention as he watched the two boys fight for their lives. How had no one noticed how close Harry had been to the edge? Why was the child constantly overlooked; was it because of his status? He knew had he not let his hatred blind him he would have seen. He had never felt more ashamed of himself then at that moment.

Because of his negligence a woman was dead, and two boys with bright futures of ahead of themselves might follow her. Though Draco wasn't shot, but his body had gone into severe shock and Severus knew that could be just as dangerous.

It was irony really, the boy often bragged about becoming a death eater, but when faced with the possibility of death he couldn't handle it. He couldn't blame either of them though, they were only children. He was brought back to the present when a small beeping was heard. His heart leaped into his throat as they tried to revive Harry again.

As soon as the healers focused their attention on the Gryffindor, it seemed like Draco suddenly gasped out of nowhere a minute later and soon they were struggling to bring them both back. He couldn't lose them; he would gladly take their place. They hadn't even had the chance to live yet. His breathing got heavy and the vision in the corners of his eyes got blurry and black spots started coming in. He sat down in the chair, trying to calm himself down, trying to find his collected mask. But gazing at the dying children on the bed, he couldn't do anything but stare.

Albus was gently trying to pry the information about what happened in the potions classroom but no one was talking. They were all eerily quiet, which wouldn't be such a shock but given the nature of the two house he was on edge. He noticed that they seemed to gaze at Mr. Longbottom every now and then. He knew the boy possessed a power but he was always so shy. What in the heck had happened in there to make the children look to him as a leader?

"Mr. Longbottom, Neville? Can you tell me what happened in potions class today?" He asked softly.

"He'll be sent away if he lives," Neville said hoarsely.

"Who will be Neville?" Albus asked kindly.

"Harry," he muttered almost inaudibly.

"You're telling me, Harry did this?" Albus asked, shock marring his tone.

Neville nodded, his throat still felt incredibly dry to keep talking. He looked at the Headmaster closely, hoping the man would come up with a plan to keep this from the press. Though no one at the moment spoke, that didn't mean that they would keep their silence for long. Though they were all getting along for the moment, they were still Slytherins; Slytherins who had parents that wanted Harry alive or dead.

Albus glanced over his shoulder for a second before turning back to the children who were looking at him with their sad eyes. He had a plan that was crazy he knew but it would protect all that were involved until he could figure out how to keep Harry safe from the ministry. What he was about to suggest wasn't technically legal, since you were required to have parental consent to do it on a minor.

He couldn't afford that at the moment, not when time was of the essence. He still needed to go into the potions classroom and discard Delores's body, and find a way to cover up her death until the time came where he could reveal it. This was going to be a tangled web of lies, and unless he wanted to get caught in it, he had to be careful.

"Here's what we're gonna do, what happened in that room must not be made public." He said calmly, expecting and outcry from the Slytherin's mostly but there was none. He wondered if they were still in shock, he still didn't know what happened in that room, only that Harry was the cause of it.

"What do you want us to do? Are we gonna take an oath?" Theodore Nott said from his position on the floor.

"If you would all be willing, I can however obliviate you if you wish it." Albus said gently.

"No I want to remember this, I deserve this guilt. We should have never teased him so much. He can't help that his parents are dead, we caused this so we will live with the consequences." Pansy said with so much clarity in her voice, Albus had to wonder yet again what had happened in that classroom.

He could see the rest of the students both Gryffindor and Slytherin alike all nod their heads in agreement to her words.

"Alright repeat after me," Albus said before he started the oath.

He made it as tight as he could, so that no one could release anything from it. He knew that some wizard's oath had loopholes, but he made sure that this one was airtight. They would all know what happened, but they would not be able to talk about it unless they were in the presence of another who already knew the secret. Because it would be so simple for someone to eavesdrop, they would also not be able to say a word if there was a chance of someone overhearing. It was very difficult to do that oath with so many people, but not a problem for Albus Dumbledore.

There was a bright white glow that surrounded them all for a moment, before it disappeared and they knew that it had gone through. He could see some of the children looking behind him towards the boys and he waved his wand and closed the curtains to block their view.

"I don't want to give you anymore nightmares," Albus said kindly as he took a seat.

"We understand, but can you update us on how Harry and Draco are doing?" Hermione asked softly.

"I will child, as long as one of you can tell me what exactly happened in that classroom." Albus replied.

"Harry just had enough," Ron answered neutrally.

"What did he have enough of?" Albus asked dread running through his body.

"Of everything," Seamus replied, his tone full of regret.


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N- I am aware this is the shortest chapter yet, but I'm exhausted. It will return back to the guys after this one, but I needed to get Neville point across. I wont be able to update this week, not until Thursday because my finals start today and I'm already tired. The next one will be longer, hope you guys like it.**

**Chapter 12: Sticks and Stones**

"So what did he do?" Albus asked softly.

Neville shook his head, not wanting to talk about it here. In the infirmary, it was like adding salt on the wounds. They couldn't talk about it when Harry and Draco were fighting for their lives. He didn't want to be here if either of them didn't make it, he knew that he wouldn't be able to bounce back from that.

"Can we move somewhere else to talk?" Neville asked quietly.

"Of course my boy," Albus replied, gesturing to them to follow him.

As the headmaster ushered them into another room so they could all have their talk, without a chance for them to see their classmates. Neville looked down at the hand he was holding, though he never envisioned using a gun like Harry, he himself had thought about it too.

Everyone here constantly told him that he didn't deserve to be here, even his own family thought he was a squib. Most of the Gryffindors and the rest of the school believed that he was sorted into the wrong house and at times he felt the same way.

He felt like he didn't belong anywhere, and as he looked around at the saddened faces of his classmates he had to wonder if they really got it. Did they really understand just why Harry went mad? Neville had thought about ending his life numerous times. Would this incident prove to them that bullying had consequences?

Would that see that words hurt more than a spell? Words tended to linger, and the more you thought about it, the bigger your doubts become. Since he didn't seem like anyone was going to talk any time soon, he let go of Pansy's hand and moved to stand by the Headmaster.

"Can I help you with something Neville?" Albus asked kindly.

"I think I can help you and everyone else understand; just why Harry did this." Neville said as he swallowed the fear, his stomach was churning in anxiety.

"You do, how Mr. Longbottom?" Albus asked gently, as dread returned to the pit of his stomach.

"I too have thought about ending my life." Neville said quietly, though everyone heard him perfectly.

They replied to his statement as one, as each person looked at him in shock and horror.

"I know what you're thinking, why would I want do something like that? The Longbottom name is a known throughout the wizarding world, pureblooded as well. I have everything going for me and yet I don't. I am constantly following someone I never knew, trying to reach expectations for a man that will never be me." Neville said with a shake of his head. How many times had his teachers compared him to his father? He could only guess how Harry had handled his boy-who-lived status; that was too much pressure for anyone.

"Bullying, especially by your house mates takes a toll on you. Life starts to dull as the people you live with relentlessly tease you. The rest of the school you can take but when your house who is supposed to be your family, starts in on it, the will to live diminishes." Neville explained more calmly then what he felt, his heart was hammering in his chest.

"Why didn't you say anything Neville?" Hermione asked softly, she hadn't spoken since Harry had snapped at her.

"I tried and that didn't do anything. Most of you think that just because I'm in a corner of the room I can't hear the things you say. I can hear every single word you say about me, and they all hurt. There are days where I wish I was deaf so I didn't have to hear the insults." Neville admitted.

"Have you ever, almost done it?" Blaise nearly whispered, they knew just what it meant.

"I have a few times, and before you ask it was easy. I found an abandon classroom, there are loads as you know and I turned my wand on myself," Neville explained calmly.

"Why didn't you do it?" Blaise asked again, knowing that what's everyone wanted to know regardless of the looks they were giving him for asking it.

"Because; someone always seemed to know when it got too bad for me to handle," Neville replied softly, remembering the interruptions at just the right moment.

He could see his words had hit their mark, and he had often wondered if there were others like him. Others who were struggling to fit in, who didn't want to disappoint their family, or house. He knew he and Harry couldn't be the only ones. They needed to all band together and fix this, he had no doubt that others could be nearing their breaking point and no one would know until it was also too late.

"So those of you who have bullied people for no reason, just because they didn't have the same status as you, because you felt they were beneath you; when those kids finally crack take note that just like Draco was on Harry's list, you will be on theirs." Neville said in a serious tone, they had never heard him use.

He saw that many of the kids paled, both Gryffindor and Slytherins alike. He knew that he had scared them, but he didn't care. They were all old enough to know that even words had consequences. He wasn't as lost as they all assumed he was, and he knew that his two classmates were fighting for their lives in the infirmary all because someone didn't stop it.

By the time an adult came into the picture to help Harry it was already too late, he knew a few of them were bound to have guilt of their conscious and for that he was grateful. Without it he was sure that they wouldn't learn, as Pansy had pointed out they needed to remember all of it.

"Enough on that lets tell the Headmaster what really happened in potions." Neville said before launching into the story, each person jumping in with their own point a view until they had reached the end.

Albus listened to the story silently, horror growing as they explained why Harry felt he had to do it. His eyes watered and he shook his head, feeling so ashamed of himself. He didn't think of Harry as a tool, he loved that boy as if he was his grandson. He always tried to protect Harry; he knew that Harry would be the end of Voldermort's reign of terror. He had only wanted to let the child hold onto his innocence a little bit longer. He sighed as his hand covered his face feeling more guilt.

Albus sighed softly, he would fix it; Harry had been through too much. He would make sure that Fudge couldn't lay a hand on Harry. At the moment he needed to see how they were both doing. He didn't know how Draco would react when he woke up. He knew that if the boy didn't agree to the oath that Lucius would be at Hogwarts within the hour after he found out. And for Harry and him that would be bad, extremely bad.


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N- I know I said that I wasnt going to update this week, but my finals are nearly over, last day for me is today (YAY) and since I was up way to early, I figured why not. I hoped you guys like this chapter, and all those wondering about the angst, It will return I promise you. how do you think everyone is gonna feel when they find out Harry's 'dead? Not to mention, Harry is far from cured, you dont go from suicidal to alright in a few days..it doesnt work that way trust me... Anyways on to the story.**

**Chapter 13: The cover up**

After the healers had done what they could; both boys breathing had steadied but they had yet to open their eyes. Severus looked across the infirmary wondering where Albus and his other students were. Now that Draco and Harry were out of death's doorway so to speak he could assess the whole situation. He wouldn't be surprised if his Slytherins had already owled their parents home about what happened. He knew once the word got out about the Malfoy spawn being a target Harry was as good as dead; if he ever woke up that is.

He had failed the child so much already he would do everything in his power and Albus's to keep that boy out of the clutches of the ministry. They already believed Harry to be a nuisance and a liar about the Dark Lord's return. Severus looked at Poppy who was taking turns comforting each boy as she ruffled their hair the scene was heartbreaking and as much as he didn't want to leave he knew he had too if he wanted to execute his plan.

"Poppy take care of them, allow no one to see either of them without myself present. I need to talk to Albus," Severus said quietly.

"Of course Severus," Poppy replied gently, a sadden expression on her own face.

Severus nodded and walked out the infirmary, wondering where they were. He passed a classroom and could see Neville Longbottom standing next to Albus and he unlocked the door and went in. None of the children said a thing at his arrival but their eyes told him everything he wanted to know.

"Who's planning on owling their parents?" He asked neutrally, wishing it wasn't illegal to obliviate children.  
"None of us sir," Blaise said softly.

"Excuse me if I find that hard to believe. The majority of you hate Mr. Potter and I was sure that a few of you would relish in his capture." Severus said black eyes burning with rage as he seemed to catch the eye of each student.

"We don't hate Harry Professor," Pansy said softly since it seemed like no one else in her house were volunteering to answer. They knew that their head of house was a death eater even if their headmaster didn't know that. They had no plans to cross him, and though she had been frozen in fear she hadn't missed the affection he showed Potter.

"Then please explain something to me; what were those taunts about his dead mother and her blood status? Who he was as a person? I know for a fact a few of you would love to see him tortured. So pardon me for being skeptical," Severus said in a cutting tone, he was rewarded when they flinched.

"Severus, they took an oath with me, they are telling the truth." Albus said finally stepping in. He knew that the man had the power to intimidate just by looking at someone, and he could see that the children weren't immuned at all.

"Very well, go to your respective dormitories, and try to get some rest. If you need any dreamless sleep stop by the infirmary and Poppy will give you some." Severus said dismissing them; he really needed to talk to Albus.

Albus waited until the last child had walked out of the room before turning to Severus. He eyed him carefully trying to see how the man was. He hadn't been blind to the man's show of tears.

"We need to talk Albus," Severus said conjuring a comfortable chair and sitting in it. He would prefer to talk in the man's office, but he couldn't bear being that far from the infirmary.

"I know Severus, how are the boys first off?" Albus asked in concern.

"Draco is going to be fine; he will wake up when he is ready. Harry is half and half, we're hoping for the best though. Poppy has done all that she could," Severus explained.

"Alright, that's some good news at least. I need to go take care of Delores and then figure out how I'm going to protect Harry," Albus said tiredly.

"I have a plan to protect Harry, I just don't know if he will go for it." Severus said with a sigh.

"Are you gonna let me in on the secret?" Albus asked, not up for guessing at the moment.

"I am but I need first I need you to have a look at these when you get a chance." Severus said holding out a vial with the memories of Harry's abuse, both from his relative and Umbridge.

"Whose are they?" Albus asked taking it and securing it in his robe.

"Harry's, it will shed some light on why he did what he did." He answered, wishing once again that he hadn't been so blind. He knew what it felt like to have a death on your soul, it changed a person.

"Alright, I will watch them. Now what's the plan of yours?" Albus asked resignedly.

"It's simple Albus, we just need Harry to die," Severus said simply.

"After we just fought to keep him alive, that doesn't make any sense." Albus said in alarm.

Severus would have smirked as he realized he had made Albus feel like he usually did to him. If the situation hadn't been so serious he would have laughed.

"I meant we need to make a copy of Harry and have that copy die when the minister and Lucius come to get him." Severus explained.

"What makes you think Lucius will need to come?" Albus asked hoping he would be able to get through to Draco.

"Because his son was threatened, and I doubt this has changed anything for Draco." Severus replied knowingly.

"You honestly think that the Malfoy boy hasn't changed Severus?" Albus asked in shock.

"I know my students Albus, I have no doubt that a few of them are feeling some remorse but Malfoy in particular hasn't. He will completely ignore the fact how close to death he came in favor of sticking it to Potter." Severus said bluntly, knowing if the boy had been shot it would have been a wake up call.

"Alright I understand the reasoning, tell me more Severus." Albus said feeling his age for once as he listened to the plan.

Severus figured they could each make a copy of Harry and Delores. He still wasn't sure how Albus planned to make Umbridge disappear that easily, she was Fudge's lapdog. He had no doubt that when Draco woke up the next morning he would be in contact with his father. What they needed to do was to talk to Harry as soon as possible.

That way they could move him and place the copy in the bed. He figured that Harry could take a blood potion from either him or Albus; therefore making him a nephew. Then he would be introduced to Poppy, who would also be in on the charade. He was skeptical about involving Minerva, how she hadn't seen the boy deteriorating was anyone's guess.

"I have the blood potion already made in my lab. We need to talk to him so we can see who he's going to choose."Severus said as he finished.

"He will choose you Severus," Albus said in a final tone.

"It's his choice; I will not bind him to something he doesn't want to do. I will already be keeping a closer eye on him as it is. You didn't hear him in the classroom Albus; I had never heard a child sound so cold and cruel. He taunted Delores while she died," Severus said eyes clouding in remembrance.

"Which is why you are the correct person for the job," Albus said feeling like he had failed this child, all over again. He didn't think he would ever get used to the guilt; it seemed to intensify every time he found out how much Harry had been hurt.

"We will see; how are you going to take care of Delores?" Severus asked, not wanting to go into his classroom and see the carnage.

"I'm not exactly sure yet, but I need to dispose of her body immediately."Albus said following Severus towards the Dungeons.


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N- I'm freee No more school...until like the end of August..but we're not thinking about that right now lol. This was Draco's thoughts, and yes he's alive(no surprise there lol) hopefully he'll come around, after all he didnt hear Neville's speech or Pansy's words. Hope you guys like this, and I love the support for this story, I never knew it would get this much love. Thanks. **

**Chapter 14: Guilt and Remorse**

Draco woke up silently and looked around, for a moment he got scared until he smelled the antiseptic. What was he doing in the infirmary? What time was it anyways? He frowned lightly trying to remember when it hit him! Memories of that day assaulted his mind and he whimpered as he remembered how terrified he felt.

He had never known fear like that in his life, and he didn't want to feel it again. He didn't think that Potter had it in him, and yet he shouldn't have been surprised. He could remember the words that pushed him over to the edge and he retreated inside his mind. He was so afraid of coming out, he didn't want to die.

"_Hey Draco, this was meant for you," Harry had said, before he shot himself in the chest._

If Snape hadn't stood in front of him he knew he would have died that day. He could remember Longbottom of all people helping him, but the rest of the memories were fuzzy. He shivered as he pulled the blankets up he didn't want to think about that anymore anyways.

Though he tried to change his train of thought it kept coming back to that day in potions. His perceptions of muggles were shattered in an instance, why would they invent a weapon that could inflict that much damage in so little time. Draco shook his head not wanting to think about the silver handgun and turned to find himself staring into the eyes of Harry Potter.

He gasped on his breath, scared for his life. What were they thinking putting him in a bed next to Potter? The other boy wasn't saying anything just looking at him, his green eyes sparkling sadly in the moonlight. He shook his head, against the odds Potter had once again survived. Draco bit his lip as he looked around the infirmary wondering where Madam Pomprey was, because at the moment he didn't want to be alone in the room with the Gryffindor.

"Relax Malfoy, I don't have the gun. Snape took it," Harry said softly as he watched the emotions play out on the other boy's face.

Harry had known the minute he saw the white walls, that he had been unsuccessful in his attempt. He knew that Snape had caught him at his most vulnerable and had asked for him to fight the darkness for him. He didn't know why he did, only that it felt right. If he was being honest he never expected to make it. Death didn't scare him, and if the bed he was on wasn't spelled against him leaving he would get up and try again. He mused to himself, until he had realized that someone else was in the hospital with him.

Harry looked at the Slytherin with a neutral glance; he didn't feel hatred for the blonde anymore. Though he hadn't killed him he knew that the boy was scared silly of him. He could see it in his body language, and he found himself speaking to reassure him. Of course the boy didn't believe him since Harry had technically pulled a gun on him, but it is what it is.

"I'm really sorry Harry," Draco whispered regretfully. And as he apologized this time he knew he meant it. He hadn't known that his actions against the other boy were taking a toll on the lion's sanity. He liked that; out of everyone here Harry didn't tolerate anything from him. Weasley was hotheaded and Granger was book smart but Harry was both and he matched Draco almost equally.

"You told me that in the classroom," Harry replied with a wary smile.

"I didn't mean it then; I was scared so I said what I thought you wanted to hear." Draco admitted quietly.

"I know," Harry said with as shrug.

"So will you forgive me?" Draco asked, wondering why he really cared about gaining forgiveness from the boy anyways.

"No," Harry said simply with a shake of his head.

"Why not?" Draco asked in shock, hurt coursing through his body.

"You don't deserve my forgiveness," Harry said harshly, before turning on to his side away from Draco.

"What do you mean I don't deserve your forgiveness? If my father finds about this you will be kissed instantly," Draco said in a pompous tone, thinking he could scare him into accepting it. But he knew the minute the other spoke that it had backfired.

"And that right there explains why I won't forgive you. Do you honestly think I fear Lucius Malfoy? How dare you think that you can threaten me into accepting that pitiful apology? Life doesn't revolve around you; you wanna know why I won't accept it?" Harry asked softly.

"Yes I do," Draco whispered even though something in him warned that he didn't really want to.

"If I were to die, you would have to live with that shame that what I did was partly your fault. Knowing that I never accepted your apology and unable to do anything about it. It's gonna eat you alive in the end. The hurt that you made me feel will always be with you, you will have the guilt weighing so heavily on your heart you will feel like you're suffocating at times. I think it's nothing less then what you deserve since I couldn't kill you," Harry said coldly.

"But you aren't going to die, your better now." Draco said as he swallowed the remorseful feeling in his throat. Potter was right he could feel it festering in his chest as they spoke.

"You have no way of knowing that, now do you," Harry said mysteriously.

Harry tugged the cover over his head, wondering if this was the start of it. He wasn't in a forgiving mood, if anything he was pissed that he couldn't finish out his mission. Just because you apologized to someone didn't make everything was ok. Malfoy's apology doesn't change anything.

It's a start, but Harry was no longer the fool they thought he was. At the moment, he needed a plan. His eyes widen before shaking his head, knowing that he had to get out of the wizarding world as soon as possible. He had no doubt that the little ferret would tell his father about what happened here he would get the kiss no doubt.

Draco was angry and he pushed down that so call feeling of guilt. The minute he woke up tomorrow his father would hear about this. How dare that prat not accept his apology? Everyone knew Malfoys didn't apologize for anything and Potter should have considered himself lucky. He narrowed his eyes as he laid back down; he couldn't wait until morning.

Harry stayed silent until the blonde boy's breathing evened out as he fell asleep. He looked at the clock, noticing it to be 10:00pm and he doubted that the headmaster would be asleep. He flicked the covers back and let his legs hand over the side of the bed and waited.

3 seconds went by when he heard the door to Pomprey's office open and she came out. She smiled at him, and he found himself unable to return it. He had no doubt she knew what happened and he didn't want to hear the disappointment or a lecture.

"Don't worry dear, it will be alright. Severus will make sure of it," Poppy said cryptically as she checked over Harry, and gently patted his hair.

Harry didn't say anything though he flinched when she touched the bandage on his chest. He looked down at it, the wound where he had shot himself. It didn't hurt per say, but he found himself fascinated with it nonetheless. He reached his hand to touch it before it was swatted away by Poppy.

"No touching it, it's still in the healing stage. We didn't do all that work just for you to mess it up?" She scolded gently before looking towards the infirmary entrance as the doors opened.

Harry's heart stopped for a moment until he realized that it was Snape and Dumbledore. He wondered what they were doing here, if they wanted to talk about the shooting he wasn't in the mood.

Snape had altered his plans, and he wasn't sure how he felt about that at this moment. While he wanted to be reunited with his parents, he couldn't get off the fact that Snape said he would waste his mother's sacrifice if he took his own life. Harry shook the thoughts away as he looked at his Professors.

"What's my fate sir?" Harry asked quietly so not to wake up Malfoy.

"Do you still wish to die Harry?" Severus asked softly as he spelled Harry's bed with a privacy charm.

"More than anything," he answered with an anguished tone.

"Then allow us to kill you." Albus said kindly, hoping this would help the child heal. He didn't let it show but inside a part of him felt like it might die as he heard Harry's tone. How had they all be so blind?

"How are you going to do that? You're the lightest wizard as they come; headmaster." Harry said to him as he stared at them in shock. What the bloody hell was going on?

"We're not explaining it right child, so let me just be blunt." Severus said with a shake of his head.

"Ok," Harry said confusion still in his tone.

"You are no longer going to be Harry Potter; we will allow him to die so you can start off new." Severus explained as he watched the child's face.

"Wait, you're saying I get to be a whole new person with no expectations?" Harry asked softly, the hope evident in his voice.

"Yes, if you would like that, we can do it." Albus replied, deciding at that moment that he would personally see if there was a flaw in the Prophesy, Harry had suffered enough.

"When do we start?" Harry asked a smirk on his face as he looked at them.

"Now, if you're well enough. We need to move fast, you must be present at the same time your copy dies, so that no one will suspect you." Severus explained.

Harry looked at the two men in front of him before nodding. He couldn't help but grin inwardly as he realized how torn up everyone was going to be when they found out that he had 'died'. The interesting part was that he would be able to witness it all, he was no fool and he knew that there really wasn't another way for him to stay free.

His soul was tainted and he pushed that haunted feeling back at the thought of the cruel woman dying. He had done that, and at the time he had felt no remorse. He didn't know what he was feeling right now, but he would think on it later. He slowly stood up.

"I'm ready," he said firmly.

**What did you think? Do you think this plan has merit? Hope no one finds out, or they might all end up in Azkaban.. And yes..we will get to see Sirius's reaction along with everyone elses. Flamers...can burn out and die :)**


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N-I needed to give myself a break from the angst,because I'm tired of crying on my keyboard as I write lol. Give it a few chapters it will return. At the moment, here is the next chapter**

**Chapter 15: Uncle who?**

Harry stood up a bit wobbly reaching a hand out and was surprised to find Snape looking at him in concern. He shook that thought away as he looked at the blonde on the bed one last time. He would get a surprise like he wouldn't believe and Harry found himself glad that he would be there to witness the whole thing. He could care less about the wizarding world, they turned on in an instant, and his house showed him that. Hermione had even told him he wasn't acting like himself, as if she knew who he really was.

A part of him knew that this plan had a few flaws and one slip up could be the end; but he wasn't focusing on that. At the moment, all he cared about what hurting the people who hurt him first. He was so into his thoughts he didn't notice that they were at their destination until he bumped into the Headmaster.

"Sorry sir," Harry replied quietly.

"Quite alright child, come into Severus's office and we'll go through with the plan with you."

Harry nodded before taking a seat, thankful that the door to the classroom was closed. He couldn't believe that he was still living and though he wish he hadn't made it he was curious to know how he was going to hide.

"There is a type of potion that would essentially rearrange your features to match that of whoever donated the blood. It's called a blood potion," Severus explained.

"So I assume it's one of you," Harry said tiredly, still not healed from his near death experience.

"You've assumed right Harry, Severus has donated the blood. When you drink it you will resemble a relation of his," Albus explained quickly, as they both held their breath waiting for what they thought was an outburst.

"So I'll be a nephew or cousin or something? Will I still have access to my Potter vault?" Harry asked softly.

"Of course child we would never try to strip that away from you. I have already sent a letter to the Goblins in case the Ministry tries to freeze your accounts. Your vault will remain yours no matter what," Albus said.

"When are we gonna do this?" Harry asked as he closed his eyes unable to keep them open.

"Now preferably, we have no doubt that Mr. Malfoy will tell his father everything." Albus said as he picked up the vial on the desk and held it out for him.

"Right, ok well here it goes," Harry said slowly, not even able to open his eyes as he drunk the potion. It tasted metallic but he swallowed it down with no question and waited. He didn't feel anything happening and he forced one eye open to stare at his Professors.

"It takes time, but you will change while you sleep. Come with me Harry, you're dead on your feet," Albus said gesturing for him to stand up.

"I can't sir," Harry whined quietly but couldn't make his body obey; he was just too tired to move.

He felt someone lift him up, not really noticing who as he drifted off to sleep.

Severus cradled the small teen in his arms and looked over at his mentor.

"Where will he be sleeping?" He asked curiously.

"Tonight in the infirmary, tomorrow I have no doubt that the castle will provide you with a room, until he can get resorted." Albus said intending on going back into the potions classroom to make sure that he had cleaned up everything.

"See you tomorrow them Albus," Severus said before making the trek back to the infirmary. He placed the child on the bed, before walking over and spelling the golem. Deeming his work done Severus headed out of the infirmary and to his quarters.

Harry woke up the next morning and groaned as the lights assaulted his eyes. The first thing he reached for was his glasses only to realize that not only were they gone; but that he could see without them. He smiled before stretching, feeling better than he did last night. Out of curiosity he looked inside his shirt to find the self inflicted wound, only to discover it was gone. Not knowing what else to think he made his way towards the bathroom and got a shock.

His hair was black like Snape's and it was long to his shoulders, his cheeks were more defined like the potion's master, but he couldn't find any repulsion as he looked at himself. His eyes while they were still green they had darkened slightly but he was happy they had stayed the same. Cleaning up and getting dressed he made his way out of the bathroom only to come face to face with Malfoy.

"Who are you?" The blonde sneered, though Harry could see his heart wasn't really in it.

"Who wants to know?" Harry asked, they hadn't discussed on a name and he couldn't think of one on the spot.

"I do," Draco said with narrowed eyes, the kid in front of him looked familiar. Had they met before?

"Well too bad, because I don't feel like telling you." Harry said with a smirk, as he made his way back to his bed.

He could hear the blonde stuttering out words when the door to the infirmary busted opened to reveal Fudge, Malfoy, along with Professor Snape and Dumbledore.

"Father," Draco said as he quickly made his way over to the aristocrat.

"Are you hurt at all Dragon?" Lucius asked as he looked at his son in concern. Draco had only told him that the boy had pulled a muggle weapon called a gun on him, and had shot himself.

"I'm fine father," Draco replied softly aware of the eyes on them.

"What is going to be done about Potter?" Lucius said angrily as he turned towards Albus and Fudge, clearly expecting an answer.

"He will be dealt with accordingly, I knew he was trouble. Yes I did, I spoke of it," Fudge said pompously.

"Harry isn't well, he needs time to heal." Albus butted in.

"Nonsense, he's just going to be carted off to Azkaban, where the dementors will have him." Fudge replied a bit too smugly.

Before anyone could say anything they heard a gasp and they all turned as one to look at the small figure on the bed. 'Harry' was shivering and gasping on air, and they all stared in horror and confusion because they didn't know what to do. It didn't matter because Poppy quickly came out there and got to work. They could see the sweat on her brow so they knew she was trying her hardest but as they looked at boy struggling to breathe on the bed they could see that it wasn't working.

Draco was looking on in shock, horror and fear. He shook his head, this couldn't be right could it? Hadn't he just talked to Potter last night? The boy had looked healthy enough, what had gone wrong? He was angry at the boy, but he never believed that his father was serious about getting him kissed. He frowned as he silently took a seat on his bed, as he watched the slow rising of the lion's chest. He could see the breaths taking a much longer time for him before his chest rose once more and then nothing.

There was silence in the infirmary each person staring at the bed in horror, hoping that the child would come back. No amount of enervates from the Headmaster or Poppy would bring the child back. Everyone stared at the bed, unable to believe their eyes, the only sound was quiet breathing before the real Harry who was sitting on a bed across from them spoke up.

"Uncle Severus who was he?" He asked innocently, though inside Harry had to fight to keep his face neutral and confused.

He was rewarded when nearly everyone turned to look at him in shock. He bit the side of his cheek hard as he saw the expression of his potion's master's face. Well they had agreed he would be a nephew right? The only people who seemed to be enjoying his sentiment, was Poppy who was hiding her face in her hands, and the Headmaster's who eyes were twinkling non-stop as his lips twitched. Harry smirked as both Malfoy's looked from Severus to Harry and then back; this was definitely going to be interesting.

**What did you think? I'm aware my chapters arent that long, but its either short and I update frequently, or longer, and not as much. **

**Flamers...can be snuffed out by a snowball to the face :)**


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N-Thanks so much for the support, and I hope you guys like this chapter as well. Here we get to see the begining of Draco's depression...Harry sounds a bit mental...thats intended as Albus said before he isnt well..**

**Chapter 16: And so it Begins**

"Albus just what is the meaning of this? What is this child doing in here?" Fudge spluttered out.

"Cornelius, we are in the infirmary. Poppy wanted to make sure that Emerson had everything in order before he started school." Albus explained smoothly.

Harry grinned; he liked that name actually and was happy that the Headmaster had picked it. He shuddered to think what he or Snape would have come up with, the possibilities were endless. Harry had to keep his grin hidden though he wanted to burst out laughing when he saw how red the Minster's face was getting on the Headmaster's explanation.

"Severus, you didn't tell me you had a son," Lucius said with narrowed eyes; their Lord would not be happy about this.

"That's because he doesn't, he's my Uncle," Harry said with a shake of his head, as if the man was slow. He could see the mirth in Madame Poppy's eyes and had to turn away, lest he break out into the much needed laughter.

"Why are you starting so late?" Lucius asked with a frown.

"I don't know; ask Uncle Severus not me," Harry replied before his stomach gave an audible growl and he blush.

"I'll get your breakfast right now dear," Poppy said as she quickly made her way into her office.

"So who was he?" Harry asked again.

"Who was who?" Fudge asked.

"The boy who died on the bed," Harry said softly, watching all eyes go back to his fake self.

"Harry Potter," Albus said looking saddened and distraught but Harry knew otherwise.

"The boy-who-lived is dead?" Harry asked in shock.

"It seems so," Lucius said coolly.

"Maybe we should take his body with us," Fudge started before he was interrupted.

"You'll do no such thing. That child, as well as his relatives deserves a funeral. I will see to the arrangements myself, come along Cornelius we have much to discuss." Albus said taking the Minister's shoulder and walking out of the infirmary.

Harry noted that Malfoy senior was looking at him in interest and he turned towards the younger one to see what he was doing. Draco hadn't turned his face from the bed where his 'body' lay. The boy's mouth was open and he had yet to move.

"Dragon what is it?" Lucius asked as he turned around to find his son in this state.

Draco didn't say anything; he couldn't even if he tried. He had remembered his talk with Potter the previous night. Had the boy known that he wasn't going to make it? He felt horrible, like a wretched person. He hadn't told his father that t Harry had shot Umbridge, but he was curious to know where she was. He didn't know that she had died, because he had retreated into his mind at that point.

He stood up as he suddenly felt like he couldn't breathe. He couldn't be in here, not with that dead body on the bed next to him. He gasped out loud, surprised to see his eyesight blurry. What was going on?

"Draco, are you alright child?" Lucius asked in concern.

"I'm fine father, I have to…get out of here," he said abruptly before running out the room. He didn't know where he was going, but the grief was hitting him every step of the way and he soon found a room where he collapsed in.

Harry watched the boy start to break down with a neutral face, though inside he was thinking that the little ferret deserved it. He was a bit sad that the boy had run out and he couldn't see the breakdown; but he knew that this was just the beginning of the guilt.

"Aren't you going to go after him?" Harry asked Lucius who was in the middle of having a silent conversation with Snape.

"No, he doesn't wish to be bothered. How are you related to Severus?" Lucius couldn't help but asking.

"My mum was his sister," Harry said with a shrug, making it up as he went along.

"I wasn't aware that you even had a sister Severus," Lucius said suspiciously.

"He didn't know either, and he wouldn't still if mum hadn't died," Harry said with a fake sniffle.

Harry noted that Lucius's suspicious look went away, and it changed to one of sympathy. He would never have guess that he would see that directed at him. If only the man knew. He sat back in bed and thanked Poppy as she came back with his food. He focused on nothing but his tray, as he thought about what was going to come.

He vaguely wondered if he could talk the sorting hat from putting him into Gryffindor again, but he quickly shook that absurd thought away. For one, that would be unwise not to mention dangerous. A boy related to their most hated potion's master would not bode well in the lion's den.

Not to mention he didn't want to be with those fakes and liars he had thought were his friends. He was curious about a few things, if the Headmaster had gotten his trunk. He wanted his invisibility cloak for reasons he couldn't think about now.

"Emerson, after breakfast I will show you to my quarters." Severus said.

"I won't be staying in the dorms?" Harry asked in confusion.

"You will, but you have to get sorted first," Severus explained.

"Oh ok, I get it now." Harry replied turning back to his food.

He finished quickly and after Snape finished another silent conversation with Malfoy they were leaving the infirmary and heading down to the dungeons. He didn't say anything to the potion's master because he knew the man didn't like small talk, not to mention he didn't know what to say.

They came to a portrait of Salazar Slytherin and Harry resisted the urge to hiss back at the man. He walked in surprised to note that the Slytherin's room didn't resemble his house affiliation. It was very homey and warm despite being in the dungeons. The color on the walls was blue and it put Harry at ease.

"This will be your room; your trunk is at the foot of your bed." Severus said pointing out a room with the open door.

"Thank you sir," Harry replied before walking into said room.

He was tensed at the moment, feeling like the potion's master could see right through him. And he didn't like that feeling, he was feeling all torn up on the inside. He sat on the bed and took a deep breath pushing those feelings away. He didn't know that he was hiding the horrible emotions, and that it wasn't healthy. When his body had enough of him trying to make himself not feel they would come out and it wouldn't be pleasant.

Severus wasn't afraid of the small teen being alone. For one everything in his room was spelled to be unbreakable. If the boy were to fall off the bed, the carpet would absorb the shock of the fall, and he would feel like he landed on a cloud. The same thing with the walls, not to mention the mirror's in the bathroom wouldn't break.

He left no type of weapon for the child; he had no doubt that Harry was blocking his pain. When it came out he would be ready for it. He had also spelled the room, and he had thought that Albus would have been against it but the old man just wearily nodded his head in agreement.

After closing the door to his room, Harry got on his knees and opened the trunk. Everything was just the way it was when he left it; even his cloak was still there. He would need to make sure Snape couldn't find it; he didn't want it to get taken away. As he was looking underneath his clothes, his hand slid across something sharp and he gasped in pain as it sliced his finger.

It took him a second to realize it was the mirror but before he could even think about that Snape had burst through his door and was looking at him warily. He stilled as the man's eyes narrowed on his cut before they turned guarded.

"What did you do?" Severus asked softly, but firmly.

Harry shut the trunk quickly before sitting on top of it.

"I accidently cut myself," Harry said holding up his dripping finger.

"I see, are you sure it was an accident?" Severus asked as he pulled a few potions out of his robes.

"Of course it was," Harry bristled. Big deal, he shot himself, just because he did that did not make him want to hurt himself all the time. All he needed to do was bide his time, and the next time he did it he wouldn't fail. He was sure of it, at the moment he needed to gain some sort of trust. His teacher was being really paranoid.

Severus hummed almost silently as he healed the boy's hand, no knowing what the child had hurt himself with. He would check when the boy left, or when he went to sleep or something.

"When will I be resorted?" Harry asked curiously.

"Today at lunch, right before Albus announces your death." Severus said.

"Oh ok, until them I'm not allowed to leave here?" Harry asked softly.

"That's correct; entertain yourself in your room. If you need me I will be in my lab, just knock." Severus said getting up and walking out of the room.

Harry was curious to know how Snape knew something had happened but he didn't dwell on it long. He opened up his trunk again, and made sure that his mirror was wrapped up and facing the opposite way. As he thought of Sirius the guilt inside his own chest started to fester. He really didn't mean those things he said about his godfather being ok with him dying.

He didn't want to hurt the last remaining person of his family. Harry bit his lip, figuring he would talk to the Headmaster before doing anything rash. As he laid on his bed he had a thought, would Sirius even like him anymore now that he looked like Snape?

**What did you think? Flamers can drown in the giant puddles outside my house :)**


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N-The angst is back in this chapter...and they dont even know of Harry's death yet. This chapter was super long so I had to spilt it up. So this one is a longer longer then the regular ones.**

**Chapter 17: Emotional Turmoil**

_(The Day after the shooting, sometime around 10:00am and later)_

Draco was on his hands and knees on the floor of an empty classroom trying to catch his breath; as he choked on his sobs. He hadn't meant what he said to the other boy last night, he only was only angry that he hadn't accepted his apology. He didn't even know why he was crying so hard he never actually liked the boy did he?

He was jealous that Potter always seemed to get away with everything and that everyone catered to him. He hated that the boy had refused his friendship in their first year, but he didn't want him to die.

He shook his head back and forth, refusing to believe it was true. Harry always came back and beat the odds; the gunshot wound had proved that. He held his stomach as he cried, unable to get the image of the boy struggling for his last few breaths on the bed.

The images came frequently, how blank Harry had looked the night before; and then he was suddenly dead. His stomach gurgled as he remembered the boy fighting for life and then how the life was suddenly whooshed out of him. He felt a sick feeling creeping up his throat and he though he tried to forget the images he couldn't.

He found himself overcome with nausea and soon he had vomited all over the floor and himself, but so caught up in his grief he didn't care. Harry's death was so sudden to him and it left everyone in the infirmary silent. He mashed the heels of his hands in his eyes trying to stop his tears from flowing. He wished that his father or someone would come after him; feeling like he was suffocating on his tears, but no one came.

"I'm sorry Harry, I'm so very sorry," he repeated to himself, the anguish and misery clear in his tone.

Neville was looking around his silent dorm room at everyone. Dean and Seamus were sleeping peacefully thanks to the dreamless sleep they had gotten from the infirmary. They had taken the whole bottle yesterday and they were still asleep. Ron and he had only drunk half of theirs wanting to save it for tonight. Speaking of which; Ron was staring at Harry's bed, Neville wanted to know if he was aware that he had tears continuously running down his face. He turned towards Harry's bed telling himself that Harry would beat this. He knew that his friend was strong, but he hoped that he hadn't lost the will to live.

He couldn't think about this anymore it was too easy to get caught up in thought, and though he hadn't noticed it before but his friends were looking to him. Even though he wasn't that close with any of the boys in here, he had no doubt that if he suddenly went missing they would jump to the wrong conclusion. This was completely understandable; given that he had told him his story.

"Ron it'll be ok, Harry will pull through," he said firmly. He noted that the red head didn't turn to look or even give any response that he had heard him. Neville sighed and turned towards Harry's bed at the same time his trunk disappeared along with all of his personal belongings. The process took only a few seconds, and when it finished it looked like no one lived there.

"Where did Harry's stuff go?" Ron asked turning to look at Neville in horror, his eyes wide open in terror, the redness evident that he had been crying for awhile.

Neville shook his head once, he didn't know. What did this mean? Did that mean Harry didn't make it? He couldn't think about that, and he turned towards Ron, confusion clear on his face.

"Where is it? Where are his posters, and his robes? They can't just be gone can they?" Ron asked as he looked through each and every drawer of Harry's dresser and wardrobe, only to find them all empty.

He turned back to Neville and looked at the newly made bed; that was his best friend's. There were no personal items that showed that there was even a 5th boy in the room with them. He shook his head in denial, as his emotions started to push themselves out. He fell to his knees as he gasped refusing to think that Harry was really dead. Just because his things had gone didn't mean anything, did it? Maybe the headmaster moved them? He found himself moving towards the now empty bed and burying his head into the covers and sobbing.

Neville looked on silently, though his own eyes glistened with tears. What was going on? He had no words that he could say to his mate who was weeping across from him. He felt like doing the same thing, but he didn't have proof. He wouldn't jump to conclusions no matter how much his heart was telling him it was the truth.

Hermione was in her dorm room the only one of the girls awake. Everyone else had taken the potion but something was stopping her. She couldn't get out her head how hurt Harry had sounded and how cold he had looked at her. She guessed she really didn't know him, she didn't know that he had suffered so. Hermione felt like a failure, she had always been so focused on her grades that she couldn't see what was going on in front of her. She was one of his best friends, how did she not know that he was hurting so.

She couldn't help the tears that welled in her eyes, as she thought about him shooting himself. You had to feel and be at an all time low if you felt like life was that bad to want to end it yourself. She frowned wondering if anyone had told Ginny what had happened. She didn't want to tell the younger girl until Harry was out of the woods.

She was so thankful that they were magical ways to heal someone, because she had no doubt that had this been in the muggle world Harry probably wouldn't make it. Hermione hadn't looked away as he shot himself; a part of her was hoping he wouldn't do it. She turned over and buried her face in her pillow as Neville spoke of his own battles with bullying.

She was no stranger to being picked on, but she had always hidden in her books. How could Harry hide if he was always in the spotlight? She whimpered silently as the tears fell as she cried herself to sleep. Forgetting to take her potion once again, her dreams were littered with Harry shooting himself over and over again, and every time she tried to stop him she failed again and again.

"Do you think Draco is ok?"Blaize asked softly.

"He'll be fine, he wasn't shot like Potter," Theo said quietly from his place on his bed. He wasn't ignorant of how close he was to losing it, but his friend obviously couldn't see it.

"I know but it was like his body was shutting down, can you die from something like that?" Blaize mused curiously.

"Shut up Blaize! Why in the hell would you ask me something like that?" Theodore said his tone cracking on the last word, as he struggled to keep himself together.

"Theo, relax he'll be fine," Blaize said gently, hearing the emotion in his tone.

"You can't know that, you aren't a healer. Madame Poppy and the healers can't fix everything." He said with a shake of his head, as he angrily swiped a couple tears from his eyes.

"Draco will be fine, you'll see." Blaize said unaware that he was reassuring them both.

"Will he; what about Harry? Will he be ok too? Did you see how much blood there was?" Theo asked on a broken sob, not even trying to stop his tears now.

"Potter's the boy-who-lived, he'll make it." Blaize said with a nod.

"He's more than just that stupid label. He's the same age as us, what if he dies Blaize? What if Harry doesn't make it?" Theo asked his body trembling at just the possibility.

"Don't think about that," Blaize whispered his own voice thick with tears as he stared at the sleeping boys on the other beds.

"How am I supposed to not think about it? I helped him shoot himself, and if he dies it will be my fault too."Theo said with a miserable look in Blaize's direction.

"Theo come here," Blaise said calmly, ignoring his own tears falling down his face as he gestured for his friend who was on the verge of a breakdown.

"No, I can't do this, I have to go." Theodore said standing up shaking his head from side to side as the tears kept falling.

"Theodore you're not going anywhere in that state." Blaize said as he stood up and walked over to his friend.

"I just need to be alone for a f-few –m-minutes," Theo said blinking rapidly as he tried to stop his tears.

"Alone is the last place you need to be," Blaise said pulling him into a hug.

"This isn't proper p-pureblooded e-etiquette," Theo stammered out as he tried to remove himself from the hug.

"Screw that," Blaize said softly. "Just let it out Theo."

Blaize could feel him continuing to fight him even as the sobs started becoming louder. He couldn't understand the words his friend was saying but it didn't matter. He unlike Theodore and Draco had never taunted Potter. To him the other boy had simply not existed. He had been the only neutral 5th year boy, similar to Longbottom who didn't seem to care for houses.

It didn't seem like Theo's cries were quieting in fact it seemed like they were getting worse. He reached into his back pocket for his wand so he could send a note to his head of house. He didn't want Theo to cry himself sick. As he turned slightly, Theo pushed him away and both boys fell to the ground hard. He was about to yell out when he saw how broken his friend actually looked and he fell silent. Before he could moved Theo was getting up and running for the door.

"Theo, wait!" Blaise yelled.

Severus made sure that Harry's room was spelled, but went to double check on the child only to find him asleep. He nodded before quickly making his way to check on his snakes, more specifically Draco and the rest of the 5th years. He headed up the girls dormitory first not surprised to find all of them sleeping.

He knew with the double dose Poppy had given them yesterday they would most likely sleep through the night as well. After yesterday's incident he had no doubt they would need to bring in a healer, he wasn't sure how they were each going to cope with this tragedy.

Spelling their room to let him know if someone was in distress; he heading down the stairs and towards the boy's dormitory. Walking up the stairs he was about to open the door when it burst opened and he ended up with a child sobbing in his stomach. He looked through the door to find a distress Zabini on the floor and once more he found himself picking up a teenager.

He gestured to the other boy to go to his own bed as he sat on the bed and gently let the boy cry it out. He rubbed his back, really feeling for the child. He had no doubt that this wouldn't be the only breakdown. This he knew was just the beginning and Severus sighed.

About a half hour later the boy had quieted down, and Severus wasn't taking the chance of talking to him instead slipping him the vial of dreamless sleep on the dresser. When the boy was sleep he tucked him into bed before turning to look at his only awake student in the bed.

"Have you seen Draco?" Severus asked.

"Isn't he still in the infirmary?" Blaize asked with a sniffled.

"No, he's awake but he ran out this morning." Severus said.

"Why did he leave?" Blaize asked curiously.

"I don't know," Severus lied, not wanting to tell him the news just yet.

"Is Theo going to be ok?" Blaize asked softly.

"In time he will be ok; are you going to be ok child?" Severus asked gently.

Blaize nodded even as his eyes filled with tears at the seemingly simple question. He blinked and looked everywhere but at his teacher. His face burning in shame at the weakness he was showing, his expression displaying everything he was feeling.

"Crying doesn't make you weak child," Severus said coming to sit next to him.

"They're both going to be ok right; Harry's gonna make it?" Blaise asked, turning his tear-filled gaze to his teacher.

"I don't know child, I just don't know," Severus finally answered.

**What did you think? Let me know, I shed some tears during this one. Flamers can drown in a vat of toxic dog poop :)**


	18. Chapter 18

**A/N- This is that other half from the previous one..I split because that one was so full of angst is this is the backstory to Harry's new name.**

**Chapter 18: Hiding from myself**

Harry was lying on his bed looking at the ceiling when he heard a knock and his teacher walked in and leaned against the door.

"Change of plans, the Headmaster will formally announce you tomorrow."Severus said.

"Why are we waiting?" Harry asked curiously.

"Because a great deal of your year mates are either sleeping in their dorms or unaccountable at the moment. Albus wants to have every student present," Severus explained, having remembered earlier his scene with his snakes.

"Oh, so I guess I'm eating lunch in here with just you?" Harry asked.

"Yes, and rest assure child, I do not bite," Severus said with a shake of his head.

"I know that," Harry said with a blush.

"Oh really; I seem to remember a certain someone thinking I was a vampire his first year," Severus said with amused smirk.

"I was 11," Harry said his blush deepening.

"Of course you were; your lunch is on the table." Severus said as he closed the door behind him.

Harry stood up and walking out the room to the kitchen. As he sat down to eat he had to wonder, when Snape and his relationship had change so. They ate in a comfortable silence before Harry looked up feeling someone staring at him to find his teacher studying him. He didn't say anything, nor did he seem abashed when Harry stared back into his eyes. He didn't like the stare it made him feel a bit unnerved and he struggled to come up with something.

"What am I supposed to tell people when they ask how come they've never heard of me?" Harry asked curiously.

"What you told Lucius, only add to it. Say your mother hid you from me, knowing how bad my reputation was. She was trying to shield you," Severus said smoothly.

"Am I supposed to be a pureblood or a half-blood?" Harry asked.

"Pure-blood,"

"And if they ask how she died?" Harry asked.

"Tell them it's too soon for you to talk about it, since it happened very recently." Severus replied. "Matter fact you could use that excuse if you don't know the answer to something."

"Anything I say, I have to tell you so our stories can coordinate right?" Harry asked.

"That is correct Mr. Prince." Severus said smoothly.

"How is my last name Prince and not Snape?"Harry asked in confusion.

"My mother's maiden name was Prince, which is why you will be a pure-blood. Princes are an old family, quite like the Malfoys. No one will wonder why she hid you, your name will speak for itself," Severus said.

"Oh, Emerson Prince, I kinda like that," Harry said with a small smile.

"I'm glad you approve." Severus said with a smirk.

"Oh, where do I say I last went to school?" Harry asked.

"Say you were taught at home. It's not an uncommon practice in a pure-blooded family given the nature that most believe in blood superiority."Severus explained.

"Am I supposed to be against muggles and muggleborns too?" Harry asked in a frown, he didn't think he could do that if he was.

"Of course not," Severus scoffed, though inside he was thinking on what Lucius had been talking about earlier that morning.

He had no doubt that the man was telling their Lord about his nephew, he wouldn't be surprised if he was called soon just to clarify it. Severus gasped suddenly remembering Harry's connection to the Dark Lord's.

"What's wrong?" Harry asked, looking up worriedly, it was so out of character for the man to lose it like that.

"You have a connection to the Dark Lord and you still haven't got the basics down for Occulmency."Severus explained agitatedly running a hand through his hair.

Harry froze, he had forgotten about that. He knew things that could get the man across from him killed. He felt an urge to close his eyes and he did so. Imagine his surprise when he tried to envision a door, and it showed up. Encouraged he put everything about him being Harry Potter and locked it up with his parsel tongue spell.

Looking on the outside of the door he labeled it; Top secret before he was making another door next to it, putting all his memories of Snape being a spy and a member of the order and he labeled that door; Snakes. He giggled as he spelled a new password in front of it.

Meanwhile Severus was looking at Harry curiously; he had been surprised when the boy had suddenly gone quiet. He knew the child wasn't sleeping but he seemed to be in a mediating state and Severus didn't know how to bring him back. Minutes ticked by, and yet nothing happened. 15 minutes later and he was standing up to get Albus when Harry opened his eyes; looked around the room and smiled.

"What were you doing?" Severus asked concern lacing his tone, even as he tried to keep it neutral.

"I was hiding away memories so that the Dark Lord couldn't find them," Harry said excitedly.

Severus was shocked, not only that Harry called him the Dark Lord, but also because the child said he was hiding memories. Did that mean that he could shield his mind?

"Can I check your shields Harry? I promise to be gentle," Severus asked.

Harry looked at the man across from him, remembering the last time he was in his head. He most certainly was not gentle them. He sighed, but he needed the man to check to make sure that Voldemort couldn't get in.

"Sure," he finally answered.

Severus nodded before taking out his wand and gently performing the spell. He dove into Harry's mind and while he could still random memories, he could see Harry himself standing by two doors; top-secret and snake.

"What are these?" He asked.

"Memories that the Dark Lord can't afford to find out," Harry said simply.

"May I see if I can enter them?" Severus asked a bit gleeful that Harry had done this much.

"Of course,"

Severus tried a simple unlocking spell, he could feel the doors trying to unlock but they didn't move. He knew it was spelled by magic, but it seemed that you needed a specific word. He allowed a small smile to grace his face.

"Well done Harry, what did you use here?" Severus asked.

"It's a spell in Parsel tongue, the Dark Lord doesn't know of it either." Harry said proudly, a bit shocked when he saw the expression on Snape's face.

"That's good to know; how did you know that the spell would work?" Severus asked curiously.

"I had tried the spell out before." Harry admitted.

"Where?" Severus mused.

"That day in the classroom," Harry said softly, unaware of the atmosphere in his mind changing in front of their eyes. He willed those conflicting emotions away, and the mood lightened again.

"I see, well it's a great start Harry, let's talk outside," Severus said as he withdrew from his mind.

He had seen the darkening in the child's eyes, and he reminding himself that Harry needed to talk to someone about what happened. They needed to get someone under oath, who didn't know him personally. He vaguely wondered if that was a good idea, since Harry really seemed to open up to the wolf.

He shook that thought away; he wasn't involving them in this; idiot Gryffindors. He refused to admit even to himself that he wanted to be the person that Harry confided in with. Severus turned towards something else that had been nudging him and he looked at Harry with a raised eyebrow.

"Why have you been referring to him as the Dark Lord?" Severus asked.

Harry stared at the man silently, he had been quite afraid when Snape said 'let's talk outside' of his mind. He had been sure he was about to get grilled about why he suddenly went mental and decided to shoot up the classroom. Imagine his surprise when he was only asked why he called Voldemort that.

"That's what you call him," Harry replied with a shrug.

"Death eaters call him that Harry," Severus said with a shake of his head.

"Malfoy isn't a death eater, and he calls him that. So does all the Slytherins," Harry pointed out.

"Their Slytherins; that explains itself, you're not, so don't call him that," Severus said.

"What if I am in Slytherin? Can I call him that then?" Harry pressed.

"If you are which I highly doubt, then yes you may call him that." Severus said with an exasperated sigh.

Harry smirked at Snape, unaware that with his new face it was almost like the potion's master was looking in the mirror. If only the man knew about his sorting the first time around. Harry wondered if he could face the staff table as he was sorted tomorrow, he wanted to see the look on Snape's face when he entered his house.

"What am I supposed to about my wand? And my trunk, everyone knows they belong to Harry Potter." Harry asked setting his Holly wand on the table.

"You're right child, since all my classes are canceled today we will be going into Diagon Alley right after lunch to get everything you need." Severus answered.

Harry nodded, wondering what his wand core would be this time, especially since it took so long to find one last time. Would he even be able to find another? He shrugged as he finished his lunch, a bit excited to get out and explore Diagon Alley as just a normal person instead of Harry Potter.

**What did you think? I needed a reprieve...no matter how small lol Angst is obviously back..full force next chappie. Flamers can kick rocks, no one, not even Harry held a gun to your head an made you read it..get over it.**


	19. Chapter 19

**A/N- Just want to remind people this story is full of angst, I myself cry when I write it. The incoming chapters are sad, including part of this one. I tried to give up a bit of a break from it but its back full force. On another note in case anyone was intrested I got the wand cores and wood from if your curious about Harry's wand. It will be explained in later chapters too. Btw..this chapter is a bit long, because it deals with a grief..**

**Chapter 19: Resorting and Reactions**

Harry woke up the next morning to the sun shining unnaturally through his window, and found that he was actually in a good mood. He wondered idly how the heck sunlight could reach this far down, before musing it was probably a spell or something. As he got out of bed he pushed the haunting thoughts of his dream in the back of his mind, unaware that he was still shielding his mind. He didn't realize nor wonder why it came so easily to him.

Apparently when he had drunk the potion, he inherited certain attributes from his teacher, like him being a natural Occulemens. He smiled knowing that that he was going to be resorted along with his death being formally announced in the wizarding world. He never thought he would see the day where Lucius Malfoy was rendered speechless. But when he 'died' he was rewarded with just that.

Getting up he got dressed and was in the process of making up his bed when Snape walked through the door. He frowned, didn't his teacher ever hear of knocking? And how did he know that he was up anyway? He said nothing of course, keeping his face unnaturally blank. He had found that if others didn't know what you were thinking you could use that to your advantage.

"Oh good you're up and dressed. We will be walking down to the great hall in about 10 minutes." Severus said conversationally.

"Yes sir," Harry nodded grabbing his new wand. The core of it was serpent scale and the wood was Monterillo. He didn't know much about it, only that Snape had looked a bit ill after hearing the last bit. Harry made a mental note to check out what it meant when he had a chance.

Placing it into his holster on his forearm, another courtesy of Snape, he made his way out his room. He didn't need to bring anything else since the house elves would bring his new trunk to his new house. Harry couldn't wait to see the reaction of his teacher; he knew that Dumbledore wouldn't be surprised in the slightest.

Very soon they were out of their quarters and heading towards the great hall. Harry had to wonder why he was so comfortable in the man's presence. He was still very wary of him, but he felt like he could sort of trust him. He shook his thoughts away before looking up at the man whose face was blank, and he found himself unconsciously copying it. As they neared the doors of the great hall, Harry got a bit nervous.

"Where do I go?" Harry asked softly.

"What do you mean?" Severus asked.

"Which table to I sit at to wait?" Harry clarified.

"None go straight down the middle to where Minerva will be standing. It's going to be just like your first year," Severus said before making his way towards the staff table.

Harry took a breath as everyone seemed to turn as one towards him and stared. He forced himself to look straight ahead as he walked, though he couldn't resist looking over at the Gryffindor table out of habit. He could see Neville looking more confident then he remembered and Seamus and Dean picking at their food. Ron however was a sight; he was gazing at the empty seat across from him and he wasn't eating, he wasn't even pretending to eat. Harry didn't worry about that for long as he suddenly came to stand in front of his former head of house.

"Children, may I have your attention for just one moment?" Dumbledore asked as he stood up, the hall immediately quieting.

"As you might have notice we have a new transfer student and he will be sorted in just a few moments. Please treat him with the proper respect he deserves and I'm sure he will treat you the same way in return." Albus said before sitting down and gesturing to Minerva to start.

"Emerson Prince," she called loudly.

Harry heard the gasps around the hall, more so from the Slytherin table and he turned to look at them. He saw that his year mates didn't seemed to be doing so well over there either, but it was Draco who looked the worse. The boy looked so haggard and lost, and he was dressed like he just tossed on clothes from the floor. He shrugged not really caring as he walked up and took a seat on the stool.

_**So we meet again Mr. Potter, or is it Prince now?**_

_It's Prince._

_**Will you let me do my job this time and sort you to where I believe you belong?**_

_Of course._

_**Well it's nice to know that I wouldn't find any resistance because I was going to sort you where I wanted this time anyway. This is very simple Mr. Prince, and I stand by everything I said your 1**__**st**__** year, Slytherin will help you achieve everything you need, without costly distractions. And just because you're in that house, doesn't make you a dark wizard.**_

_I know that now; before you call it out I'm going to turn around._

_**Any particular reason child?**_

_I want to see Snape's face, when I get into his house._

_**Haha I wish you the best of luck then Mr. Prince and stay strong. Better be SLYTHERIN!**_

True to his word Harry had turned around and looked at Snape and was rewarded when Snape seemed to choke on his tea before blanking his face. Harry smirked brightly as McGonagall pulled the hat off and gestured which table he was to go to. Harry nodded before he walked over to the Slytherin table. He grinned inwardly as he had an evil thought and he took a seat directly across from Malfoy.

"Hi, I remember you," Harry said as he sat down, though the other didn't say anything he just looked at him.

The other boy just nodded but he didn't say anything, it was like he was staring into space.

"Were you friends with the boy-who-lived," Harry asked curiously.

"Why would you think that?" Draco asked his voice raspy from lack of use.

"Well you were crying when he died," Harry pointed out.

Draco half snorted, half sobbed as he stared at Harry in horror. Harry watched as Malfoy's already anguished face crumpled even more before the boy placed his head on the table and cried into his arms. Harry kept his face blanked though he knew that everyone was looking at him in shock, and he turned towards Theodore who had his fork frozen halfway to his mouth.

"What did you say?" Blaize whispered out, his eyes wide.

"I said that, the boy who lived had…" Harry trailed off and turned to look at the front of the table as the Headmaster stood up again.

"I need everyone's attention please," Albus said looking at the children with a sadden expression.

"What's going? Did he say that Harry had died Blaize?" Theodore asked, gasping on his breath as he held off a panic attack.

"He was lying Theo relax," Blaise said, though his tone was unconvinced and he turned to stare at the Headmaster.

"I regret to inform you that, yesterday morning we lost one of our own." Albus said with emotion, preparing for what he was about to say.

"No, no, Harry isn't dead, he's wrong," Pansy said shaking her head in the negative as she caught the meaning in the headmaster's word and had heard what Emerson said to Draco.

Harry watched as the Slytherin 5th years turned towards Draco who was quietly weeping into his arms, not paying attention to anyone. He could see careful masks start to fall apart and he held in his glee. He shook his head inwardly, wondering why now they seemed to care. He watched Blaize look around widely but at nothing in particular, and could see Theo struggling to catch his breath, and Harry turned back to the Headmaster.

"Harry Potter has died from a self-inflicted wound." Albus finally said, as his eyes filled with tears as the children across the hall each registered his words.

"No, he was ok, he can't be dead. Madame Pomprey can heal anyone," Blaize said as he shook his head harder.

Theo was clutching his chest in horror as his eyes overflowed with tears, as the grief hit him. He was gasping on his sobs and choking on air. Harry turned to look at the Gryffindor table, really wanting to see their reactions.

~*~*~*Gryffindor Table~*~*~*~

Neville was staring unblinkingly at his plate. He could feel the heat rush behind his eyes, and gritted his teeth. This had to be just a nightmare, Harry couldn't be dead. He couldn't believe it, even though he knew in his heart that it was. He stood up, and slowly walked out the hall, unable to deal with this near anyone else. His heart breaking over and over at just the thought; of his friend no longer being alive.

Ron eyes filled with tears as he looked at his sister. His best friend, couldn't just be gone, he didn't believe it. He couldn't Harry was always invincible. He always bounced back from all of his near death experiences. Ron sniffled loudly as the owls came in with the daily mail. He heard a whimper to the right as Hermione shook her back and forth before jumping from the table and running out of the hall.

Ron turned to grab the paper his stomach turning as it told of Harry being dead. He bawled loudly, attracting the attention of his housemates around him, unable to will his body to move he buried his head into his hands.

"This can't be real," Seamus said in denial as he stared at Dean in horror, but as he watched Neville walk away, the sinking feeling in his stomach he knew it was.

"Well, if it's not in the paper, then it's not real," Dean said idly, though that was forgotten when he read the paper over Ron's shoulder.

"No," was all Seamus said as his body crumpled to the floor. He had never lost any so close to him before and his body didn't know how to handle it and he passed out from the shock of it.

"Seamus," Dean said through his tears, though he didn't go to him as he rocked on the bench.

Harry was trying his hardest to keep his expression neutral when Seamus fainted. They were all hypocrites the lot of them, they were crying why? Was it because their savior was gone? He shook his head; not bloody likely. He relished in their grief until he looked a bit further down the Gryffindor table and saw Ginny.

Ginny was staring lifelessly at the wall, tears slowly falling down her cheeks. She didn't move, but her tears continued to fall, quickly picking up pace. She couldn't think, she couldn't believe that this was true. Harry had just hugged her; she had just seen him the other day. He couldn't be dead; she could remember him saying he hugged her because he felt like she needed it. She felt so lost, wondering if he was somehow saying goodbye. The headmaster had said it was self-inflicted, was he saying that Harry had killed himself?

Ginny couldn't believe the boy who had selflessly saved her his second year was gone. The basilisk had nearly killed him but he had made it. Why now? She shook her head and bowed her head as the tears continued. She felt herself get grabbed into a hug, she knew without looking that it was one of the twins. She shook her head and sobbed hard into his chest, as she mourned the loss of a boy who was so misunderstood.

Harry turned around from the scene as heat pricked the back of his own eyes, he didn't mean to hurt Ginny. She had always stood by him, she didn't want her to suffer, but there was nothing he could do. As he turned back around he saw Snape walking towards the Slytherin table, where the older year(excluding the 5th years) were staring at their table curiously. They couldn't understand why they seemed so heartbroken that the Gryffindor boy was dead. They hadn't known him personally had they?

Harry watched as Snape gently administered a calming draught to Theodore who immediately quieted as his panic attack ebbed. He handed a few out to the other snakes before looking at Blaize. Harry could see the betrayal in the boy's eyes as he stared at his head of house.

~*~*~*~Slytherin Table~*~*~*~

"Blaize, what's the matter?" Severus asked quietly.

"You lied to me," he said struggling to hold back his tears.

"What do you mean child?" Severus said.

"When I asked you yesterday, if you thought Harry was gonna make it. And you knew that he had died, and you lied, why would you lie about something like this?" He asked, his tears finally falling as his voice cracked.

"I didn't want to upset you," Severus said gently, even though he knew it was a poor excuse.

"You wanted to see my pain huh? To let us know that we deserved this, that Harry's death was our fault? You're not sad because you know he forgave you in the end, what about the rest of us? He didn't forgive Theodore, or Draco?" Blaize said angrily as the tears continued.

"Blaize I can assure you, everything will be fine." Severus said soothingly.

"I don't believe you, you lied to once already. How do I know that everything else you say isn't also a lie? Why couldn't Madame Pomprey save him?" Blaize whimpered as he got up and ran away from the table.

Harry felt guilt trying to assert itself in his heart but he pushed it away, they deserved this didn't they? This is what they all wanted right? He shook that feeling away, looking at the scene in front of him where Snape was trying to feed Draco a potion.

"Draco, please open your mouth and drink this," Severus said gently as he took a seat next to his snake.

Draco's body shuddered as he cried, it was official. He could hear them say it was in the paper. But he didn't need to read it, he had seen it. He didn't want a potion, he deserved this Harry had been right. He could feel it eating him up inside, he should have never have threatened the other boy with a kiss. He couldn't help but think that it was his threat that made the other boy lose his last remaining will to live. He had caused all of this, his fault.

"I don't need it sir," Draco said with a sniffle as he sat up.

"I beg to differ child," Severus said as he looked at his snake carefully.

"I deserve to suffer, he did." Draco said as he stood up.

"Draco you don't believe that, Harry's death isn't your fault." Severus said aware of Harry was listening.

"It is, you don't know what I said to him, you don't know what we talked about. How could I be so mean? How could I be so stupid? Why would I say that?" Draco said as fresh tears welled in his eyes.

"What did you say child?"Severus asked he hadn't been aware that they had even spoken.

"It doesn't matter now, he's gone and I have to live with that." Draco said his voice laced with so much regret Harry himself winced.

"Child, it's going to be ok," Severus said his heart going out to the child next to him.

"It's never going to be ok, Harry's not coming back and that's on me." Draco said tearfully before he walked out the great hall.

Harry watched the other boy leave with a blank expression on his face, though inside he was reeling. He hadn't realized that the other boy would feel for him so greatly, he knew that the show of emotion he had just witness had not been faked. He could feel Snape's gaze on him and but he didn't turn. He found himself standing up, intending to go after the other boy; he knew blaming oneself for someone's death tended to eat at you until you couldn't handle it. He couldn't understand why he felt so sympathetic towards the blonde bully.

"Emerson, where are you going?" Severus asked with guarded eyes. Though inside he was wondering when the child had gotten good at shielding his emotions, and he couldn't read him at the moment.

"For a walk," Harry said softly.

"Finish your breakfast," Severus said knowing exactly where Harry was going. He knew he couldn't stop him, since his students here needed him. He didn't know what Harry was going to say to Draco, but he hoped it wasn't anything hateful. He knew already that his Slytherin couldn't handle it.

"I'm not hungry," he said before quickly walking out the hall and following Draco.

**What did you think? Did you like it? Let me know, if it I didnt get the emotions across like I wanted, I'll fix them. Flamers can smash their fingers in the door twenty times, and the we'll talk :)**


	20. Chapter 20

**A/N- ****Hey guys, another angst filled chapter..its not as sad as the previous one..or the next one if I'm being honest. For everyone who keeps saying you'll never learn if you always say no flames, I'm tired of saying this but I will say it until people actually understand it. There is a difference between a flame and contructive critisim. A flame/troll is spewed with so much hate, it actually makes you feel like you dont want to write anymore. Contructive critisim is telling someone how they can do better, what was wrong in a non offensive way, and how they can change it to something better. Look it up. ****Thanks for all the support, here you go.**

**Chapter 20: Spreading the Blame**

Draco ran through the empty corridors unsure of where he was going, but knowing that he needed to get away. His eye site blurred from the tears and he tripped over a stone and fell to the ground hard. He didn't get up and instead curled up into a fetal position and cried his heart out. He didn't know where he was and he could care less at that moment. It was true, Harry really was dead and he couldn't handle it. His rival, just dead, no longer alive; this had to be some kind of dream, right?

Draco sobbed loudly, these heart-wrenching sobs. So far in the last day or so he had cried more than he ever had in his life. He couldn't handle the guilt and like Harry had said; it was starting to suffocate him. He cried more, wishing that his mother was here, out of everyone she was the one who comforted him when he needed it. He was so caught up into his grief he didn't hear the soft footsteps walking towards him. They got closer until they came to a stop, and rested in front of him.

"Why are you on the floor?" Harry asked softly, though he knew the reason why. He had seen the other boy fall, but he didn't get up like one would.

"Why do you care?" Draco asked tiredly, his voice cracking on his tears.

"Maybe I don't," Harry said with a smirk.

"Why did you follow me then?" Draco asked with a sniffle.

"I don't know," Harry whispered honestly, as he bent down and took a seat next to the boy.

"Are you going to laugh at me for crying? Are you going to make fun of me for being weak?" Draco asked quietly.

"No," Harry breathed.

"Then why are you here?" He asked softly.

"I don't know," Harry repeated almost inaudibly.

Draco didn't say anything else; there was nothing else to say. Even though he wasn't sure what the other boy's motives were, he was aware of one thing. He was no longer alone, and though he barely knew the boy he felt strangely at ease. He was comforted that the boy would follow him to make sure he was ok. The thought set off a wave of new tears; he should have done that to Harry. He didn't even have to talk, he could have just listened.

~*~*Greenhouse~*~*~

Neville was in one of the greenhouses, sitting quietly in the middle of the plants. He had always felt at ease here, in his element so to speak. He didn't say anything, for he was all alone. But he didn't mind it, at the moment; his mind was going a hundred miles per hour. He couldn't cry either, he was terribly sad but unlike everyone else, there was no guilt on his heart. He was in shock, because the world had just lost a great person.

Someone who was no different from him; that feeling of kinship he had felt with Harry was gone. No one else would understand how he felt, like Harry did. Neville was alone, like he was before he started Hogwarts, Harry was the only one who had seemed to care. He shook his head, how was he supposed to get through the hell he called school now? Would Harry's death change anything? He sighed softly, pushing the hurt feelings away as he turned to water some plants.

~*~*~*Great Hall~*~*~*~

"I understand that a few of you will be grieving, but we must continue on with our lives. Classes will still be in session today, and we will be bringing in a few healers if you need to talk to someone." Albus said tiredly.

"Albus, it's too soon, they need time to process this. Why haven't you canceled classes?" Minerva asked quietly, she was keeping her emotions in check. She needed to make sure her students were ok before she broke down.

"Because they all need a sense of routine, I have no doubt that a few of them would waste away in their beds if they could. Depression eats at your soul Minerva," Albus said wisely.

He could see her nod and see the reason, and he turned to check on Harry who was nowhere to be found. Then again, the great hall was a bit chaotic; children were either staring quietly, or crying. No one was really talking to one another, and he sighed wondering if this was such a good idea. He knew what a death could do to a child, and for a moment he considered calling off the whole thing until he remembered Harry. He had already failed that child once, and he wouldn't do it again.

Severus stood up; when he heard Albus say that classes were still in session. His class with the 5th year Slytherin and Gryffindors were first and he just knew it was going to be anything but quiet. The children were mourning, and they were hurt. He sighed as he stood up and addressed his Slytherins.

"All my 5th years, follow me. You heard the Headmaster, class will start momentarily." He said helping Theodore stand up, as the rest of the children followed suit.

Ron looked up at the Headmaster, his eyes red. Was the man insane? He couldn't go to Snape's class like this; the man would eat him alive. He would probably be glad that Harry was dead, and would probably make fun of the lions too. He knew he wasn't thinking rationally but he didn't know how to deal with all this grief. Harry was like his brother; his mum had practically adopted him. He gasped loudly startling everyone around him, scaring George who he had been leaning on.

"What's the matter Ron?" George asked softly.

"Who's going to tell mum?" He asked tearfully.

~*~*~*Hallway~*~*~*~

Harry sighed from his place on the floor, Draco had stopped the loud sobbing, but he was still crying. He thought that he would be happy that the boy would know how he felt, but he just felt sad. He never figured that the blonde was capable of feeling. The Slytherin always wore a cold mask, to know that it took his 'death' for him to finally see that the boy was also human.

He sighed again, as he hesitantly reached his hand out to touch the boy's shoulder. He felt him tense, but he didn't shove it off so Harry left it. He looked around them, wondering which part of the dungeons they were in. He didn't remember seeing this part before. He shrugged and waited for the blonde to get up. He didn't have to wait that long, he heard a sniffle and then Draco finally moved. Harry stood up and held his hand down, and was rewarded when the blonde boy grabbed it. He pulled him up, and looked at him closely.

"Are you ok?" He couldn't help but ask.

"For now," Draco replied hoarsely.

~*~*~*~*Great Hall~*~*~*~

Severus instructed them to wait by the door; he could see other teachers following his example. And for the moment he felt like he was dealing with a much younger group of kids. He walked over to the Gryffindor table, where it was silent. Never in all his years, would he think that this group of rambunctious kids would be quiet but yet they were.

It was a shame that it took a tragedy for people to really change. He knew first-hand, having been down that road. He shook the thought away as he addressed the lions. He didn't see Granger or Longbottom, and he frowned because it was unlike either of them to miss class. Surely they hadn't forgotten?

"5th years follow me," Severus said quietly, wondering if any of them were going to argue.

He was mistaken when they all got up and followed him, none of them ever saying a word. Severus led them towards the front where he rejoined the snakes and he trekked down to his classroom with them in tow. He was so lost in his own thoughts he didn't think how any of them would react when they were faced with the very place where they had last seen Harry alive.


	21. Chapter 21

**A/N-This chapter was depressing to write..lol It has various POVs again because not everyone is in the same place and not everyone deals with grief the same. I put the markers up, so I hope it helps with any confusion. Its a bit longer then usual chapters but I couldnt split it up. I hope you like it and before you guys ask again..I'm not that cruel to leave Molly, Sirius, Arthur or Remus in the dark ok..Enjoy though**

**Chapter 21: Can you handle it?**

~*~*~the Burrow~*~*~*~

Molly Weaseley was sitting at home cleaning up the kitchen, missing her loud brood when Errol came in with the mail. Arthur was sitting at the table drinking coffee, she was happy that he was off work today. She disliked being home alone, with no one for company but the pets. She was wiping down the counter when she heard him suddenly gasp. Molly turned around to look at him in concern.

"What is Arthur?" She asked slowly.

"This can't be true, wouldn't Ron tell us. This must me some kind of prank," Arthur said ignoring her unintentionally as he continued reading the paper.

"What is it? What's a joke?" Molly asked again, getting worried.

"It says Harry's dead?" He said though it came out like a question before turning the paper around so she could see it.

Molly stared at the paper quietly as she read the headline. She clutched the towel to her chest, feeling like she might pass out. Harry couldn't be dead, she just knew. But with it being in the paper and with no mail from Ron to say it was a joke a piece of her heart broke.

"No, not Harry," She said nearly falling to the floor and she would have had Arthur not caught her. He held her tight as she cried into his shoulder. He blinked away his tears, trying to stay strong for his wife, and his children. He hoped they were taking the news better than they were.

~*~*~Grimmauld Place~*~*~*~*

Remus was cooking breakfast idly wondering what they were going to do for the day; or more importantly, how he could entertain Sirius. He knew his friend was bored staying in the house, but there wasn't much he could do there. He was taking the eggs off the stove when the post owl delivered the paper. It was really his only way to see what was going on in the outside world since he stayed in the house as well. He picked it up absently as he brought a plate to the table.

"Sirius, breakfast," he called turning back towards the counter to get his cup.

Remus froze as he read the paper, and his coffee cup fell from his hand and onto the floor below. It shattered and the hot liquid splashed back onto him but he didn't notice as he read. His heart sunk low into his stomach, every sentence that he read. What did they mean by self-inflicted wound? Were they trying to say Harry had killed himself?

His cub would never do that, would he? He shook his head, refusing to believe it. If it was true wouldn't Albus had told them himself? He knew how much Harry meant to both him and Sirius. Remus gasped softly as he thought of how Sirius was going to take it. He quickly folded the paper in half as he heard his footsteps.

"What's for breakfast Moony?" Sirius asked as he came to a stop in the kitchen and took in the scene.

"Your uh plate is on the table Padfoot," Remus said trying to keep his voice normal, but he could tell already that he failed.

"Moony, what's wrong?" Sirius asked automatically as soon as he heard his tone of voice.

"Nothing Sirius, just eat your food." Remus said as he sniffled. He gripped the countertop with his hands so hard he could feel it starting to crack.

"I don't believe you; why do you sound like you're about to cry then?" Sirius pressed.

Remus kept his back to Sirius and tilted his head up trying to keep the tears at bay. He couldn't keep secrets from him, and he knew the other man was going to find out anyways. He held the paper back in one hand out for him.

"Read it," he whispered struggling to stay afloat, knowing that Sirius would need him in a minute or so.

Sirius looked at Remus in alarm before grabbing the paper. He didn't know what had upset Remus so but as he read the paper, he soon understood. A strangled choke/sob emerged from his mouth and he fell to the ground as his legs gave out. The paper fell from his hands but he couldn't get the headline out of his head._ News Flash: The_ _boy-who-lived dead; by self-inflicted wound at Hogwarts school of Witchcraft and Wizardry._

Remus turned towards Sirius to see him crumple to the ground; he didn't know how his friend was going to survive this death. He had barely survived Lily and James. He walked over to him and grabbed him into a hug. Remus had a second to wonder why Albus didn't floo them, because this was a horrible way to find out.

"It'll be ok Sirius," Remus said softly even though he himself couldn't see that it would. This was the worse news ever, and the wolf in him was mourning for his lost cub. He got no answer from Sirius except for a sob.

~*~*~Hogwarts~*~*~*

Hermione was running, where she didn't know. She just knew that she had to get away, she couldn't be around everyone, not when she was struggling to understand the news they were just told. She knew that she had class in a little bit but she could care less, as she raced through the halls. She choked on her tears as she ran, but she didn't stop. _Harry was dead_ was going through her head like a mantra. He was the reason she had friends, she did remember first year clearly. It was because of him that Ron had even decided to apologize to her.

Why had she let Ron influence her just because of her crush on him? She knew Harry was right, she could see it in his eyes every time he spoke about it. Her heart stuttered as she realized that she would never again look into those bright emerald eyes. She would never laugh with him, or sneak around the castle with him. She would never seem him alive again, and her heart broke as it really started to sink in. Hermione was breathing heavily feeling like she might collapse from lack of air, but she never slowed her pace.

~*~*~*Dungeons~*~*~*

"File in and take your seats," Severus said as he opened the classroom door.

The minute he entered it he couldn't stop the memory that assaulted him the last time he was in here. He found himself looking towards where he had last seen Umbridge, the chair that she had sat on was still there but of course she wasn't. She was dead, killed by a muggle weapon. He suddenly had an overwhelming urge to flee from the classroom and never return. He didn't feel like he could teach here, but he tried to bury those emotions under his shields as he walked to the front of the classroom.

He was about to turn around when he remembered Harry standing right here before he shot himself. And though he knew that Harry was alive and alright he couldn't stop the images of the boy shooting himself in the chest and him rushing to stop the bleeding. Severus shook his head, his eyes clouded before turning to look at the students who didn't seem to be doing any better.

Theodore was panicking in spite of the calming draught, and his eyes were darting everywhere and at everyone. He couldn't be in here, why were they still in here? He refused to take his seat, he felt so exposed in here, and he couldn't handle it. His vision was darkening and he felt like his ears were stuffed up. What was going on?

"Professor," he called faintly.

"Yes Mr. Nott?" Severus asked quietly.

"I need to go to the infirmary," he said, breathing heavy.

"What's the matter Theo?" Severus asked dropping the formality as he looked at the child closely.

"I feel weird," was all he said before he was swaying suddenly, unable do anything about it.

"Someone catch him," Severus said as he walked towards them, as the boy started falling.

Surprisingly it was Ron who caught him as everyone else seemed to be staring at the place where Umbridge had been sitting. He held the boy up as Snape came up to them.

"Take your seats, while I take care of Mr. Nott," he said reaching and picking up Theodore. He sighed, knowing how the boy felt, as he carried him into his office and laying him on the couch by the bookshelf.

"Does anybody else not wanna be here?"Pansy asked in the eerie silence.

"When do I ever wanna be in potions?" Dean asked dryly.

"Not potions, this classroom." She clarified quietly.

"I don't wanna be in here," Seamus whispered softly.

~*~*~*Corridor~*~*~

Hermione heard the bell rang signaling the start of class and she sighed. She was late for once in her life but she didn't care. She had slowed her pace to a walk, and surprisingly she felt better. She felt like she might be able to get through one class before she would have to do it again. She had been able to see every wrong doing they had all did and she wasn't surprise that this happened. She didn't know where her feet was taking her, so lost in her thoughts.

As she entered a secret passage way she looked around trying to realize where she was when she say Draco. He had tear tracks on her face and the other boy, was it Emerson? He was staring blankly at him. She headed over towards them and she couldn't stop the look of concern she gave the Slytherin.

"Are you ok?" She asked as she walked up to them.

"What do you want Mudblood?" Draco sneered, despite the redness in his eyes.

"Well I was checking to see if you were ok," Hermione said softly, his insult washing over her like a wave.

"If I was dying I wouldn't tell you," he said with a disgusted looked on his face.

"Funny you should mention dying. I'm a Mudblood in case you've forgotten, which means that gun that Harry pointed at you; I can get one just as easily as he did." She said casually, watching his already pale face drain of color. She could see the other boy Emerson; stiffen by the wall but he didn't say anything.

"Are you threatening me?" Draco asked in spite of his fear.

"No, that's a promise. It should have been you who died, and not Harry. This is your entire fault; you just don't know how to leave well enough alone. You can continue calling me a Mudblood all you like, and when I finally snap and I come for you. I don't care how much you beg me; I will still shoot you, right between the eyes." She said coldly, the rage burning in her eyes, the hurt she felt a minute ago non-existent.

Harry didn't say anything seeing as this wasn't his battle. He had thought maybe Draco had learned but he clearly missed something. He knew that Hermione had a point, name calling like that was a big one, he should know. Harry watched Draco's eyes widen in horror as he stared at Hermione who had turned her fiery gaze towards him.

"I'm Hermione, and you are?" She asked curiously.

"Hi, I'm Emerson Prince; it's nice to meet you Hermione. Uncle Severus said you're number one in his potions class," Harry said in a friendly tone.

"Uncle Severus? Professor Snape is your uncle?" Hermione asked dumbly, but she could see it in his expression, not to mention his features showed her just who he was related too.

"Yup, I think we have class now. He doesn't like it when someone skips, or so I've heard," Harry said easily.

Hermione stared at the other boy in shock. Why was he talking to her? She was Gryffindor and a muggleborn. She knew he knew that, but yet here he was. She couldn't understand how a friend of Draco's was talking to her. She shook her head; her brain couldn't handle any extra stress right now.

"He doesn't, I'll probably get detention for not showing up." She said with a shrug.

"You're not going to class?" Harry asked in surprise.

"I can't go back in there," she admitted softly.

"Why not?" Harry asked.

"Because…it's the last place we all saw Harry alive," she admitted. She didn't stop to think just why she was able to speak about it. She assumed because Draco was there that the oath didn't take effect. She was too caught up in her grief to realize that she shouldn't have been able to say anything about that particular day in front of Emerson.

"You knew the boy-who-lived?" Harry asked neutrally.

"He was more than just the boy-who-lived, he was just Harry. My best friend," Hermione said as her tears returned.

"Hey it'll be alright," Harry said kindly, unexpectedly reaching out and hugging her.

"No it won't, it was nice meeting you Emerson." Hermione whispered in the hug before pulling away. She gave them a tearful smile before she suddenly took off down the hall and disappeared around the corner.

Draco was looking at the scene emotion clouding his eyes as he watched her go. He wished that's someone would hug him like that, so he wouldn't feel so torn up inside. He sniffled once trying to blank his face but he couldn't. He couldn't go to class like this; he had already disgraced himself once today. Malfoys didn't cry, and if Malfoys had to cry they most certainly didn't do it where people could see them.

Harry watched Hermione run away, his own eyes welling up with tears. He tried to swallow passed the lump in his throat. He schooled his face to one of boredom and turned back towards Draco.

"Why did you call her a Mudblood?" He asked quietly.

"Because that's what she is," Draco answered with a scoff.

"Words hurt Draco, I would assume that you of all people would understand that," Harry said anger flashing in his eyes.

"Why would you assume anything?" Draco asked with a sneer.

"Because when I found you, you were sobbing your heart out on the floor. Crying for a boy who you said wasn't even your friend. I'm gonna wager that you did something to Harry, and now your grieving. But the sad part about it is you're not just crying for the dead boy but because you feel like the blame is eating you alive." Harry said knowingly.

"You don't know anything, so just shut up." Draco said angrily. He was angry that the boy had somehow guessed the truth, was it that obvious.

"I know more than you think Draco Malfoy," Harry replied giving him the Snape glare before walking away. He shook his head; he couldn't believe that he had honestly thought the boy had changed. He should have known, people can't change in one day.

But he was wrong, Draco had changed, he was just fighting it every step of the way.

**What did you think? Hope I got my point across. Flamers go away please, Contructive Critism and spelling checks however totally welcomed :)**


	22. Chapter 22

**A/N- Hey guys, here is the next chappie, Sirius and Moony find out, and yea. I took a page out of star wars...it fit ok lol**

**Chapter 22: Are you insane? Yes, I think I am**

Remus held Sirius for a long time; he wasn't sure of how much time had passed. Time ceased to be important as he struggled to contain his own emotions. Sirius had lost since stopped his hysterical cries, but the steady stream of tears were still there. He looked at his friend before sighing, they couldn't stay here. Especially not after reading news like that, he himself felt like he needed proof.

"We're going to Hogwarts," Remus said hoarsely, though Sirius didn't say anything his body tensed.

"We are going to talk to Albus to make sure this is true, I don't believe it." Remus continued.

"When are we going?" Sirius asked voice thick with tears.

"As soon as you're ready," he replied.

"I'm ready now," Sirius said straightening up, the redness around his eyes prominent.

Remus nodded before helping them both stand up, and made sure he had his wand before turning back to Sirius.

"Transform," he said softly.

Sirius nodded before transforming into Padfoot as he waited for Remus. He didn't have to wait long as the man grabbed his collar and they walked out back. He barked softly before they disappeared on the spot.

~*~*~Greenhouses~*~*~*

Neville sighed softly to himself, he could hear classes starting in another greenhouse but he didn't care. What were they thinking not giving students a minute to grieve? How were they supposed to deal with this by going to class? He didn't know how to feel, he had never lost someone this close to him before. Sure his parents were in St. Mungo's, but he never knew them only their stories. He didn't know what to do with himself, a part of him wanted to scream himself hoarse but what would that do? What would that change? Absolutely nothing, Harry would still be dead and he would still feel so lost. Neville blinked back the sudden tears in his eyes, as he realized something. No one was coming for him, why should he be so surprised when they never did before.

~*~*~*Corridors~*~*~*~

Harry had his head down and his hands balled into fists as his anger built up inside of him. It came as no consequence that he bumped into one of the last people he wanted to see right now. Remus and a big black dog were in front of him, and he sighed unable to keep his facial expression blank.

"I'm sorry, you'll have to excuse us," Remus said hoarsely as he gave a sad smile to the boy in front of them. He looked at the boy closely; he resembled Severus quite a lot now that he thought about it.

"It's alright sir, I should have been watching where I was going." Harry replied, making his way around them.

"Are you related to Severus by any chance?" Remus couldn't help but ask.

"My uncle," Harry replied softly.

"I can see him in you," Remus said fondly, before looking down as the dog whined.

Harry didn't say anything as he looked down at Padfoot. He hated himself, he hated that he always seemed to hurt everyone he came in contact with. Why couldn't Snape just let him die? He wouldn't have to feel this guilt that he felt for the people who had truly cared for him. He was just as bad as Draco in a way; he never wanted Sirius, Ginny, Neville, Remus, or Mrs. Weasely to suffer because of him. It was his choice why did everyone have to take away his choice. It was his life, wasn't it?

"I have to go," Harry said softly, his heart hurting as the emotions tried to come out. Standing here in front of them; with no one else around, made it too easy for him to slip up. He couldn't afford to make that mistake, no matter how much he felt they deserved to know. Maybe after he had a talk with the Headmaster, but definitely not right now.

"Did you know Harry?" Remus asked, seeing the forlorn expression on the child's face.

"Yea, I knew Harry," he said sensitively, before he could think about the consequences.

"How did you know him? You're in Slytherin aren't you?" Remus asked curiously.

"I have to go, excuse me," Harry repeated urgently before turning to leave.

"Wait," Remus said reaching out and grabbing the boy's shoulder, earning a flinch from him.

"Remus please, just let me go." Harry said quietly as he shook his head from side to side to stop the tears.

"How do you know my name? How do you know Harry?" Remus asked quietly his eyes narrowed.

"It doesn't matter how I know Harry, he's dead." Harry replied before taking off in a sprint down the empty hall.

If he had thought that they would leave it at that, then he obviously didn't know them as well as he thought. He could hear Padfoot running after him, and then human footsteps catching up to him. He cursed Remus's werewolf speed as he forced himself to go faster. He ran faster and as he turned the corner he saw his sanctuary or what he thought it could be. It was only a bathroom but it would serve his purpose and he quickly burst into it. He had just locked a stall when he heard them come in after him that was ok though he just needed a few moments to think.

"I know you're in here, I can you hear you breathing." Remus said gently. "Now why did you run?" He asked again.

"Can you get out of here please?" Harry asked quietly, trying but failing to get control of his emotions.

"Why won't you answer my questions?" Remus countered suspiciously.

"Because I need to use the bathroom," Harry replied softly, hoping they would leave.

"Oh, well say something next time, we can't read your mind kid," Sirius said as he transformed before turning to look into the mirror.

"Padfoot are you insane?" Remus asked before putting a locking and silencing charm on the door.

"Yes I think I am," Sirius replied fondly before looking at his friend. "He smells like Harry, but at the same time he smells like Snape. Can't you smell it?" Sirius pondered quietly.

"Transform back before he comes out and sees you." Remus hissed, before stopping as he thought about his friend's words.

Through the quietness in the bathroom Harry heard his godfather quite clearly and he gulped audibly. Oh shit, oh shit, what was he gonna do? He sat down on the toilet and sighed, unsure of how he was going to get out of this. He was a horrible liar at the best of times; he knew that the potion hadn't changed that. If only he could get to Snape or Dumbledore, to talk about this. They hadn't yet gone over telling people, and Harry knew the less people that knew the better.

"What's your name kid?" Sirius called out.

"E-Emerson Prince," Harry stammered out.

"He's a pureblood Moony, how in the hell can he possibly have Harry's scent on him?" Sirius mused loudly.

"Ron's a pureblood Padfoot; allegations like that won't solve anything." Remus replied tiredly.

"Can you go away please?" Harry begged; the urge to come clean getting stronger the longer they stayed in there with him.

"I thought you had to go," Sirius remarked thoughtfully.

"I do, but not while you guys are in here," Harry replied softly.

"Oh he's a shy one, transform Sirius. We'll wait outside the door." Remus said knowingly.

"But he's a Slytherin and how do you we know it's not a ploy? They're all dark in Slytherin," Sirius retorted.

"Just because I'm in Slytherin doesn't mean I'm bad." Harry said tearfully as he opened the door. Sirius couldn't know the truth; he hated all Slytherins and Snape. And Harry was now a product of both.

"Emerson don't cry, he didn't mean it like that." Remus said seeing the teen.

"I could say that you're a wanted criminal. Wanted for the murders of 12 muggles, 1 witch, and 2 wizards;" Harry replied darkly as he glared at Sirius.

"I'd say you'd be lying, I never killed anyone." Sirius replied angrily.

"I'm only telling you what the papers said. And you Mr. Lupin would be sentenced to death, harboring a known fugitive. Not to mention your werewolf status won't win you any points there." Harry continued, even as two wands were suddenly pointed in his direction.

"How do you know all that? And what the hell did you to Harry?" Sirius said tightly.

"Simple, I let him be free. He didn't wanna live anymore and I gave him an out." Harry said cryptically.

"You killed my godson?" Sirius asked staring at the child in horror.

"No, I am your godson." Harry said with a wryly smile.

**What did you think? Yes Voldemort is gonna find out, yes Harry is on his way down an emotional breakdown, Yes, Severus will help..lol Flamers..*takes borrowed fire extingusher and blows them them out***


	23. Chapter 23

**A/N-I know this is a bit late, but I still got it on today so I hope you guys like it. I'm a bit worried about the flush of stories on Fanfic, so if anyone is worried about this story getting taken down, its over at Potions and Snitches as well under my same name. The same as the rest of my stories.**

Um before you guys ask there will be NO pairings in here, none that I'm aware of at the moment. What you are gonna see beetween Mione and Blaise are stricty Platonic. Who has the time for a relationship during something like this. They will find comfort in each other though. As someone has pointed out, she blames herself.

Um one last thing, Sirius speaks without thinking, and his reaction is the one thats starts Harry spiralling back to his depression. I think that was all the points, as I said Voldemort will find out..just give it a minute. He's not really all that important to the story, but he will know

**Chapter 23: Trying to Cope**

Hermione ran through the twisted corridors with no idea where she was even going. The tears ran freely down her cheeks, her hair blown back and her face red. She would have been a sight to see if she ran into anyone. She was gasping her on her sobs and had just turned a corner when she crashed into someone and toppled to the ground. Hermione didn't bother getting up; she didn't feel like she had the strength too. She curled into a ball as she wept, unaware who she had even hit.

Blaize had stormed angrily out the great hall, hurt the foremost emotion. He hated Snape, he had always looked out for his Slytherins but did he really think they weren't capable of feeling. He may not have known the Gryffindor but did Snape honestly think he was going to laugh when he was told Harry had died? What did he mean he couldn't handle it? He was handling it now; right? He sighed loudly unsure of where he was even going.

He didn't care if he got a detention, Snape could kiss his arse for all he cared. He idly wondered if he could switch houses but then shook his head. His friends were all in Slytherin and he could never leave Theodore, especially not at a time like this. He contemplated going outside he didn't want to see or talk to anyone.

He took the long way towards the lake, not wanting to bump into anyone which prove pointless as he did quite literally run into someone or more importantly someone ran into him. He stared at the fallen figure on the ground and looked at her closely. Through the hurtful tears in his eyes he could see bushy hair. He knew it was Granger, but why wasn't she getting off the floor? He frowned before crouching down next to her.

"Hey, you ok?" He asked softly.  
"Why do you care?" She asked tiredly.  
"Because you fell down pretty hard, and I wanna make sure you're alright." Blaise answered.  
"I'm fine, just a Mudblood." Hermione said plainly.

She had seen the green on his robes, and she didn't feel like getting teased at the moment. She felt so much anger in her for not being able to do anything but cry at that point in time; she was ready to lash out. Be it with fists or magic she was game.

"What does that have to do anything?" He asked his eyes narrowing. His childhood best friend was a muggleborn, contrary to all beliefs not all Slytherins believed in pure blood superiority.  
"Just informing you so I won't get my germs on you," she said her tone turning sad.  
"You have no more germs then I do. Don't speak such nonsense. Let's get you up." Blaize said reaching down and pick her up off the ground.

As he set her on her feet he was aware of two things. One; she was leaning on him for support and was breathing heavily and two she was crying. He looked at her closely.

"Who were you running from?" He asked gently.  
"Me," she said morosely.  
"That's not possible," he said with a raised eyebrow.  
"I know," she said wearily. She was on an emotional rollercoaster that was currently on the way down and she felt ready to collapse. It seemed Blaise noticed because suddenly she felt her world tilt as he picked her up.  
"Let's get you some air yea?" He said kindly as he cradled her in his arms.

The feeling of murderous hate fled as he looked down at her. She reminded him of his little sister and he would anything to protect her. He nodded before he slowly headed outside. His mission was still the same but he no longer had the sense of betrayal in his heart.

~*~*~*~Potions Classroom~*~*~*~~*~  
Severus walked back out to the classroom and headed towards the board, falling into teacher mode. He was oblivious to everything as he wrote down a simple calming potion. He wanted them to make this one because he knew his stock was going to take a hit in the upcoming days. He turned back around to address him and that's when he saw them.  
Pansy was visible trembling in her seat her eyes riveted on the front of his desk.

Seamus was blinking unseeingly in some sort of flashback. He watch Thomas reach out and touch the lions shoulder only to have the Irish boy flinch and fall off his stool. Severus sighed softly as he looked at the children in his class; because that's all they were. This was a bad idea, he had 5 students missing and the rest were breaking down right before his eyes.

"Who wants to have class in another classroom?" Severus asked quietly, his voice causing a few flinches.

He wasn't surprised when the majority of hands went up. He frowned Albus was out of his mind, they needed at least a day or so to come to grips with it.

"Pansy, Seamus, and Theodore will all accompany me to the infirmary the rest of you find another classroom away from here and I will meet you there." Severus said gently. He wouldn't teach today, he wouldn't talk either. He would just listen.

~*~*~By the Lake~*~*~*

Hermione sighed softly as Blaize set her down by a tree, before taking a seat down next to her. They didn't say anything, but words weren't needed at that time and place. The fact that someone was struggling with grief was enough to let them know that they weren't alone in this thing. She grabbed his hand gently, like she would do to Harry sometimes to let him know that she was there.

"Have you ever lost anyone close to you before?" Blaize asked delicately.

"No, this is the first time. It really hurts," Hermione admitted softly.

"I know it does," he replied gently.

"Does it get better?" She sniffled out.

"In time its gets easier, but you never forget." Blaise replied quietly.

"I wanna forget it," she said as the tears started falling down her cheeks again.

"Know you don't, to forget is to wish you never knew Harry. And you don't want to forget him do you?" Blaize asked kindly.

"Never," she replied before getting up. She didn't want to talk about this, it was too painful.

"No more running Hermione," he said kindly but firmly as he tightened his grip on her hand.

"It makes me feel better," she whispered out.

"Just for a little while, you'll feel even better if you cry it out." He said in a soft voice.

"I don't wanna cry right now," she said though her tears contradicted her.

"If you do you'll feel better." He murmured.

"I changed my mind, I don't wanna feel better," she before burying her head in his chest.

"Yes you do, and it'll be ok in the end." He said, as he gently played with her hair.

"How do you know that?" She half asked, half sobbed.

"Because it always is," Blaize answered with a sigh as he held her.

~*~*~*~*~Boy's Bathroom~*~*~*~

"What did you just say?" Remus asked quietly, his wand faltered slighty as he looked at the boy in shock.

"You can't be Harry, you look like Snivellus, and so I know that's a lie. Tell me what you did to my godson?" Sirius said angrily taking a step towards the boy, the grip on his wand tightening.

"It's true," Harry said fearfully, never having this side of his godfather directed at him.

"Let me see your arm," Sirius said unnaturally calm.

"I'm not a death eater, I really am Harry, or was." Harry said anxiously. He turned to look at Remus who was staring at him closely in disbelief.

"Prove it," Sirius said with a deadly tone; a curse already in his mind.

Harry swallowed audibly; maybe he shouldn't have told them like this. At least not without a witness, Sirius looked ready to kill. Would they really harm a student? He didn't wanna find out and he quickly blurted out the first thing that popped into his head.

"In Harry's 3rd year, you bit Ron and dragged him underneath the Womping willow. You then transformed and we found out that his pet Scabbers, was really this man named Peter Pettigrew. He was the reason why my parents were killed, because he betrayed them." Harry said quickly.

"Harry, that can't be you right?" Sirius asked with a shocked expression.

"What did you do cub?" Remus asked softly, he knew then the boy couldn't be anyone but Harry at that point.

"I killed myself," Harry said his head down in shame.

**What did you think? Let me know in a review k? Flamers,*throws a bucket of ice cold water on them***


	24. Chapter 24

**A/N-I split this up, when I realized I hadnt had a chance to write the next chapter...oops..summer is here and I still dont have a lot of time. Hope you guys like it anyways**

**Chapter 24: Trying to Understand**

"You killed yourself? And yet you're standing here in front of me?" Sirius said in confusion one arm outstretched as it reached for Harry.

"Magic is a wonderful thing Sirius," Harry said softly.

"What did you do cub?" Remus asked quietly.

"I don't know if I can tell you. I wasn't supposed to tell you that I was alive," Harry said with a frown.

"Then why did you?" Sirius asked gently.

"I didn't want to hurt my last remaining family any longer," Harry said with a shake of his head.

He was so weak; he couldn't keep it from them. The sooner they started trusting him not to off his self he was taking himself out. And this time it would be without the dramatics, he would do it quietly and without fail.

"Does Albus know?" Remus asked.

"Yes, he and Snape are the ones who came up with this idea." Harry said quickly, as he looked at his godfather.

"Snivellus is part of this? What were you thinking? No it was clear you weren't thinking, why would you try to kill yourself? What the hell is so wrong with your life that you wanted to end it?" Sirius said angrily at the thought of Snape being there for Harry and not him.

Harry looked at ceiling trying to control his emotions, he was having trouble and once again he wished for Snape. The professor would know how to help him, he had never blamed Harry for what happened, and he had understood why Harry felt he had to do it. Why couldn't Sirius see that?

"Sirius calm down," Remus said grabbing the man's shoulder.

"Remus stay out of this; this is between me and Harry. Harry why would do something so stupid? James gave up his life for you, and you're just going to throw it away? Clearly you didn't think, otherwise you would have never let Snivellus con you into this idea." Sirius said vehemently as he stared down his godson.

"We should talk to the Headmaster," Harry said softly, as he swallowed a lump in his throat. He couldn't stand the way Sirius was looking at him like he was crazy. He wasn't crazy; he just couldn't handle it anymore.

"No Harry, talk to us." Remus said kindly.

"Not without the Headmaster," Harry said with a firm shake of the head before disabling the charms on the door.

He sighed before quickly walking out, hoping they wouldn't follow him but knowing they would. Harry was walking down the hall with Remus talking animatedly to Padfoot and he could feel their disappointed and he felt so low. He hated letting them down and he unconsciously sniffled softly.

"Harry what's wrong?"  
"My name is Emerson, and nothing you can help me with." He said irritably.  
"Sorry, I meant Emerson." Remus said softly.

Harry shook his head as they walked; they were going to the headmaster's office he knew. As they were turning the corner he saw Snape, and felt a sense of dread in his stomach. He didn't say anything and as he got closer Snape narrowed his eyes.

"Emerson? What have you done?" He asked in horror noticing who was behind him.  
"They cornered me in the bathroom, they were gonna hex me. They said I smelled like you and him. They were gonna kill me," Harry blurted out not wanting the potion's master angry with him too. His emotions were going crazy, and once again he felt like yelling at the top of his lungs and crying until he couldn't anymore.

His godfather and Remus really had scared him and never wanted to be on the ends on their wands again. He found himself unconsciously moving towards his teacher who was looking at Remus with disgust.

"You're going to stoop that low? I may have hated Potter but I never threatened to curse him, or any child for that matter." Severus said with a shake of his head before looking at the child.

He looked a bit like he might cry but at the same time his eyes were sad and they looked like Blaize's had earlier; betrayed. Well at least he wasn't at fault here.

"Sorry Emerson," Remus said sheepishly as Padfoot whined.  
Harry sighed softly as he shifted making his way even closer to his teacher.  
"What's the matter Emerson?" Severus asked with an air of concern.  
"They wouldn't let me go to the bathroom." He said tiredly.  
"Are you serious Lupin? You didn't let him go because he looks like me? We're going to see Albus," Severus said agitatedly.

The walk up there was silent as Harry tried to control his emotions he needed a minute to himself, would his godfather and Remus really would've curse him? Did they even like him now? He sniffled again and ran his hand across his eyes, attracted a few stares from Severus and Remus.

"You can use Albus's bathroom, relax Emerson," Severus said kindly, wondering what this was doing to the child's mental state of mind.

He knew how hot-headed the Gryffindors tended to be, and he didn't know what the two idiots had said to the child already. He was glad he had the good sense to dismiss his class; none of them were in the right state of mind to be anywhere but in their bed. After giving the ridiculous password Severus led the way up the stairs, entering the office when he was permitted.

"What a surprise Severus, and what can I help you boy's with?" Albus asked cheerfully, though the lines around his eyes were tired.

"We have a problem," Severus said as he took a seat before gesturing towards Harry to tell him what that was.

"I accidently told Sirius and Remus about me," Harry said softly, his gaze towards the floor. He didn't want to see the disappointment in those blue orbs, now that the Headmaster was looking at him again. Because he was trying to become one with the floor, he didn't see the hurt and concerned expression in the man's eyes.

"Quite alright child, we'll just get them under oath and it will be fine." Albus said kindly.

"No it won't be fine. Are you out of your mind Albus? I thought that I was the crazy one here. Well now that Harry has taken that role, you're supposed to be the one who fixes everything." Sirius said as he flopped down in his chair.

"Harry he didn't mean that," Remus started as he saw the Harry's face start to crumble before he pulled it back in. But you could see his control wavering right before your eyes.

"Headmaster can I use the bathroom?" Harry asked as he stood up, his hands balled back into fists as he struggled to keep himself together.

"It's Emerson, Remus. He didn't mean that m'boy," Albus said gently as he glanced at Severus who was staring at Harry with clouded emotions in his dark orbs.

"I don't care; it doesn't mean anything to me." Harry said, though inside his heart was deciding otherwise. He felt like his heart was breaking, Sirius wouldn't accept this would he?

"Sit down child," Albus said quietly.

"No I need to go to the bathroom," Harry said shaking his head from side to the side. The picture frames in the rooms suddenly started to shake, as did the toys around the man's office.

"Harry calm down, you know how Sirius can be," Remus said calmly he like everyone else could see his magic getting out of control.

"My name for the last time is Emerson!" Harry yelled, causing a few things to break. He was hurt, and he hated Sirius at that moment. Couldn't they just let him have a few moments to himself?

"Albus just let him go; these two idiots over here prevented him from using it earlier. Through that door, and walk down the hall and it will be the 2nd door on the right." Severus said to Harry quickly before turning to glare at the mutt.

Harry nodded curtly to Snape before turning and taking off through the door and towards the bathroom. Once inside the bathroom, he locked it and slid down the wall as he struggled to hold onto his emotions. He tried to sigh and it came out as more of a sob, this was stupid. He should have just let them continue to think he was dead. He couldn't have Sirius ashamed of him, making him feel like he was a coward.

"I'm not weak, so I won't cry. I did this, so I deserve to suffer yet again." Harry told himself calmly. His barriers felt slightly and the memory of that terrible day in potions came forth as he remembered the woman he had killed. He had caused so much fear and pain that day. Sirius was right, he was crazy. He mashed the heels of his hands against his eyes trying to stop the tears, but they came anyway.

**What did you think? Flamers *Smirks before turning on the fire hose***


	25. Chapter 25

**A/N-Thanks for the reviews guys they're awesome, I'm suposed to be cooking dinner but I'm updating right now lol. Glad you guys are still in the the story and such, no warning this chapter. Though Sev/Harry bonding is kinda here lol**

**Chapter 25: Breaking Down**

~*~*~*Headmaster's Office~*~*~*~

"Are you out of your mind Black? Can't you see he's falling apart at the seams? What the hell is the matter with you? You honestly cannot be that thick?" Severus said as he turned an incredulous eye towards Sirius.

"I don't know what to think right now Snivellus so get off my back. I'm sorry that I can't control myself right now. In case you didn't realize I spent the last 2 hours crying for a boy that isn't even dead." Sirius said hotly.

"But that's where you're wrong. Harry Potter is dead," Albus said quietly.

"No he isn't, he's just confused and under a glamour." Sirius said with a shake of his head.

"He's not confused, and though you don't like it Severus did save Harry. Without him, Harry would have died from a bullet wound to the chest." Albus said carefully, skirting around the comment about the glamour.

"What's a bullet?" Sirius asked in confusion.

"It's a muggle weapon, used with a gun and it can be fatal," Remus explained swiftly.

"So Harry brought one of these things to school to just shoot himself?" Sirius asked in disbelief.

"No, from what I'm told, he originally planned to take out three other people in addition to himself." Severus said tiredly.

"He wanted to kill others?" Sirius asked in horror.

"Correct, I myself was on the list, as was Draco Malfoy." Severus explained quietly. He could still remember the terror he had felt when Harry had informed him on how close he had been to being killed. The sad thing about that is that aside from Albus and his snakes, he wasn't sure anyone else was going to miss him.

"You were on his list?" Remus asked his own tone horrified.

"I was, but a very recent turn of events got me off of it just in time. I had no idea how close I came to death that day," Severus said his face void of the emotions that were stirring up inside.

"Who was the last person?" Remus asked when it seemed Sirius wasn't going to say anything else.

"Delores Umbridge," Albus said quietly.

"Where is she?" Remus inquired.

"Dead," Severus said in a final tone.

"And was Harry the cause of that or was it natural?" Remus asked as his hand gripped the chair he was sitting.

"Harry did that, and she bled out in front of the entire class. But no one was worried about her, the children also watched Harry shoot himself in the chest. Blood was everywhere, and he was trying to let go, but he didn't." Severus said occluding the memories away, now was not the time to let his emotions of that day show.

"Why didn't he?" he asked.

"Because Severus asked him not too," Albus said when it seemed like Severus wasn't going to say anymore.

"See that doesn't make any sense. Why would Harry listen to Snivellus?" Sirius said tiredly, his own emotions crashing.

"You would have to ask one of them, it's not my place to answer that." Albus said tiredly before looking towards the door that Harry had yet to come out of.

"Whatever it is, I thank you Severus," Remus said gratefully before elbowing Sirius.

"Owww Moony, what was that for?" Sirius asked rubbing his side; oblivious to Remus's glare.

"Harry's taking a long a time," Albus mused to himself, though everyone present heard.

"He's trying to control his emotions, but I agree he is taking a while. I'll go check on him." Severus said getting up and making his way towards the door.

Remus watched Sirius's face; he seemed to be in a state of shock. He knew how he felt; he was having trouble seeing that Harry had committed murder. If this was really true then he could see how they had to think on their feet and hide him. At the moment, he was also worried about Sirius's words and how they had affected Harry's already fragile state of mind.

~*~*~*Bathroom~*~*~*~

Harry was trying to cry as softly as he could, unable to prevent the breakdown. He had spent the last few days holding it off, but it had caught up to him in the wake of his godfather's disapproval. He wrapped his arms around his stomach in some sort of self hug, trying to provide some comfort. He couldn't stop the tears, and it was hurting worse to keep them quiet. Pulling his legs up to his chest he buried his head into his knees and sobbed.

Severus was walking down the hall, when he heard the sound of someone crying. He knew it was Harry, only he didn't think the boy would break that quickly. Harry had been so strong, though he knew it was well overdue. He took a deep breath before knocking on the door, not wanting the boy to be alone during this time.

"Emerson let me in," Severus said quietly.

"Go 'way," Harry choked out.

"I won't go away; I'll stand outside the door all day if I have too." Severus said simply.

"I'm not feeling very well," Harry said through his tears.

"I know you're not child," Severus said tenderly.

"Can't I just be alone?" Harry asked tearfully.

"Of course, just not at the moment," Severus answered truthfully.

Harry sniffled before slowly moving away from the door, not wanting to be crushed when Snape decided to come in. He didn't want anyone to see him like this. What would the man think? Would he suddenly decide that Harry was crazy too?

"You can come in now," Harry whispered quietly his voice thick with tears.

Severus was going to come in anyways but after barely hearing Harry say he could he went in immediately. He found the boy on the floor curled into himself and he closed the door behind him. Severus took a seat on the closed toilet seat and gently placed a hand on the boy's shoulder ignoring the flinch that earned.

"I'm sorry," Harry said mournfully.

"What are you apologizing for?" Severus asked gently.

"Everything," Harry said as he wept.

Severus rubbed his back trying to give comfort; he wasn't good at giving it because the only time he had received it was from his own mother and Lily. And they had both been gone a long time, the occasional hug from Albus and Minerva couldn't really count. Harry didn't seem to mind it, but then again that could have been because the child had barely received any in his own childhood.

Severus frowned, as his comfort didn't seem to be making any difference and he was starting to feel inadequate not to mention on how the boy was feeling. Speaking of which, he was talking to him in between his cries, and he leaned down to hear him better.

"Make it stop," Harry whimpered out, his face buried in his Professor's leg.

"Make what stop Emerson?" Severus asked softly.

"The pain, make it go away. I don't want it anymore," Harry replied tearfully.

Severus felt a piece of his heart break wishing he could rid Harry from the pain of it all, but knowing he couldn't. He was cursing the fact that he didn't have a single calming draught in his robes, when he became aware of Harry whimpering.

"What's the matter Harry?" Severus asked softly, unconsciously calling him by his real name.

"I'm Emerson not Harry," Harry replied forcefully through his sobs.

"What's the matter Emerson?" Severus repeated easily.

"I killed Umbridge didn't I?" He asked quietly.

"Yes you did," Severus said unable to lie to him.

"I'm sorry I killed her," Harry said a few minutes later.

"Are you really sorry?" Severus asked his voice full of skepticism.

"No, but I thought it was something you wanted to hear," Harry admitted quietly. He was ashamed that he didn't feel horrible about her death. True he regretted killing her but he wasn't sad to see her go and that's what freaked him out.

"I would rather hear the truth, then a lie," Severus said softly.

"Oh," Harry said sniffling once before wrapping his arms around his torso again.

Severus saw the self hug and frowned again, feeling completely out of his element. He sat pensively for a moment before sighing softly.

"I'm sorry Emerson," Severus said his tone regretful.

"What are you sorry for? You didn't do anything," Harry said in confusion, the smell of potions oddly comforting at that moment.

"I can't provide you the comfort you need right now," Severus admitted almost inaudibly. He hated admitting any type of weakness and this was no different, but he felt the boy had a reason to hear it.

"I've never really had it, so you're doing fine Professor," Harry said softly his face still buried in his teacher's leg. And he was correct, though they were both a stranger to giving and receiving comfort, Harry was content right where he was.

**What did you think? Please stop asking for longer chapters, I can't do it, I actually enjoy updating almost everyday. Flamers *looks at them drowning in the water from the hose* Thanks skidney**


	26. Chapter 26

**A/N- More Harry/Sev bonding next chapter, Um, you'll see that even the most put together person can and will break if they cant handle a situation. So I really dont wanna hear...they wouldnt do that..blah blah..this story is obviously AU lol.**

**Chapter 26: Why did he do it?**

Harry was unsure of how long they spent in the bathroom and he didn't care. He vaguely remembered crying again, only this time he couldn't stop. He had felt his teacher getting uneasy as his tears didn't let up. The last thing he was actually aware of was the taste of a potion sliding down his sleep. He knew it was dreamless sleep, from how often he had taken it before in the past. Before he could comment on being drugged he was gone to the world.

Severus sighed softly before lifting the slight teen in his arms. That hadn't gone the way he had expected it to go. Harry had seemed fine when they were talking but all of a sudden he burst into tears again. Severus didn't know what to do, and he panicked for a moment before remembering the vial of dreamless sleep. He knew that probably wasn't the best way to handle the situation but he would deal with that later. At the moment he adjusted his bundle in his arms and walked out the bathroom and back towards the Headmaster's office.

His entrance gained shocked stares for a moment before their looks turned to one of concern for the boy in his arms. He shifted the child once and tightened his hold on him when he saw Black stand up.

"What did you do to him?" Sirius asked in alarm.

"Gave him a dose of dreamless sleep, he was hysterical." Severus replied curtly.

"I understand Severus," Albus said stroking his beard for a moment.

Severus knew already that didn't bode well for him, he knew that the old man was thinking of something and he could already tell he was to be a part of it. He sighed before nodding once and heading towards the floo and disappearing in the flames. He sighed quietly before going towards the boy's bedroom and getting him ready for bed.

He did this quickly, and as he tucked him on he found himself staring at the child on the bed. He felt so helpless at that point in time, but it strengthened something in him. Harry had beaten the odds yet again, and he might have been the reason for that. He nodded to himself, resolving to talk to the boy tomorrow.

~*~*~*Greenhouses~*~*~*~

Neville wasn't sure how long he sat there and watered the plants, and didn't really care. He wasn't particularly hungry so he mused that it couldn't be yet dinner. He hated the fact that no one was looking for him but at the same time he didn't really want to be found. Why didn't Harry say something? He huffed angrily to himself; he should have seen it right? He closed his eyes and thought back, he could remember Harry looking like he usually did after a bad day. Why didn't he speak up then? Neville gently rubbed a plant in-between his fingers and sniffled as the news from this morning started to sink in.

~*~*~*Gryffindor Boy's Dorm~*~*~*~*~

Ron was holding onto the pole of Harry's bed as he stared at it. He couldn't believe it that his mate was really gone. He could see how stupid he had been, how could he think that? He remembered second year and the first when Voldemort had been back, how could he think that this year would be any different?

He was so sorry for having ignored Harry half of last year for being jealous, he was so sorry. He wished he could turn back to the clock; he should have never let Seamus influence him. He was Harry's best friend and when his mate needed him he was nowhere to be found. He gazed around the empty dorm room, Dean was downstairs in the common room, he couldn't handle being in here and seeing Harry's empty bed.

Seamus was in the infirmary after breaking down in potions and Neville was where? He stiffened once before snapping his head back and turning towards his bed. Where the heck was Neville? Unconsciously he went back to yesterday in the abandoned classroom where he remembered him admitting some dark truths that he had gone through. Ron gasped on air for a moment, hoping his other friend wasn't doing anything like that.

He would ask Hermione if she had seen him, he thought with a nod making his way out the dorm. He stopped again realizing that he hadn't seen her since she ran out the great hall this morning. He didn't know what to do with himself. Harry was dead and everyone else was gone. He found himself walking back into his desolate dorm room feeling more alone then he had ever felt in his entire life. As he laid on his bed and buried his face into his pillows, his tears came. He had always been so jealous of Harry, and now he was gone. He had never felt so low then how he did at that very moment.

"I'm so sorry Harry," he whispered brokenly as he cried sobs that no one else could hear.

~*~*~*Slytherin Common Rooms~*~*~*~

Draco walked in through the portrait, trying to silently make his way to his dorm. Surprisingly he made it there without a problem, though when he walked in he was confused for a moment. Where were Theodore and Blaize? Why were Crabbe and Goyle not in class? His confusion showed on his face, but he wasn't up to talking to either of them. He sighed softly, his heart feeling heavy still, no matter how much he had already cried.

So what that Potter was dead, it wasn't his problem was it? Only it was, Draco couldn't help but think that he was the reason the boy had lost the will to live. He was the only one to talk to him that night. He blinked the hurt away, before slowly making his way to the shower. He was the Gryffindor golden boy, why would he want to end it? He didn't want to think about this anymore, he didn't want to feel. Why couldn't he just be numb?

~*~*~*Down by the Lake~*~*~*~

Hermione wasn't aware of the time passing as she cried her grief out in the Slytherins chest. She was only brought back down to ear when her sobs ceased and all that was left was a sniffled. She noted that he didn't say anything and yet his arms around her said everything. She shivered once as a breeze passed but was suddenly hit by a warming charm, which caused her to open one eye and look around, wondering when it got so dark.

"What time is it?" She asked hoarsely.

"Around dinner time," Blaise said his stomach grumbling softly.

"I'm not hungry, but don't let me keep you." She said bravely. She didn't wanna be alone but she wasn't

selfish enough to ask him to stay.

"I could always raid the kitchens later." He said with a shrug.

Hermione sighed in relief as the wind picked up; in spite of the charm she shivered even more.

"We better go in." He mused. "The last thing you need is to get sick."

"I don't wanna see anyone," she mumbled. Not to wanting to admit that she didn't want to leave the security of his presence. Just him being there seemed to make her feel like she wasn't so alone, and that she could survive this.

Blaise looked at her closely, knowing exactly why she didn't want to go in. He sighed but he didn't feel all that comfortable leaving her. How did he know that she wouldn't start blocking her emotions again, just because he wasn't there for her?

"You can't hide from this Mione," Blaise said unconsciously calling her by the nickname he had constantly heard Potter and Weasely use.

"I can't survive this, I feel like I'm breaking apart. I don't want to feel this anymore, I want it to go away." She said stubbornly her tears starting to fall again.

"In time it will go away, I can promise you that." Blaise said calmly.

"But I want it gone now, I hate this." She said slamming her free hand into the dirt. She winced when she felt something prick her skin, but at the same time realized something. Because she was only focusing on the physical pain, her emotional pain had somehow fled. She breathed a sigh of relief, as she watched her palm bleed, entranced by it.

"No, that is not the way you are going to handle this," Blaise said sternly before taking out his wand and healing her palm.

He frowned at her, ignoring her scandalized expression. He would not allow her to self-destruct over this, it wasn't her fault. He knew she was blaming herself, and he wouldn't let her hurt herself over this. He didn't know the know-it-all could ever do something like that but the way that she was gazing at her hand has him a bit disturbed.

"Handle what? I didn't do anything," she said disappointed at how quickly he healed her.

"You do not get to hurt yourself, so don't even think about it." He said firmly, making sure that she was looking at him.

"I know, I wasn't going too," she lied softly trying to get that feeling out of her head. Though she couldn't ignore that even now here emotions were in control; how could that be? Was it all that because of scratch on her hand?

"Good," Blaize said softly grabbing the hand that he had healed with his other. "You're stronger then that Mione," he said quietly.

"That's the bad thing about this, I don't think I am." She whispered almost inaudibly, she wasn't sure he heard her. When he didn't answer she knew that he didn't, and she wasn't sure at all how she felt about that.

**What did you think? Flamers...I shouldnt have any by now..but just in case...no was forcing you to read you it..dont like it..keep it yourself.**


	27. Chapter 27

**A/N-I know I didnt update yesterday, I wasnt feeling it to be honest. But this chapter is longer then my usual ones, so I'm sure I will be forgiven. Ok heads up warnings for this chapter. This story has triggers, as if you didnt know, but I've decided to brush up on my warning. This story contains Suicide Themes/Character death, Self Harm, angst etc..This chapter contains a bit of self harm, I suppose nothing much but if your like me...it might trigger something so your warned. Anyways on to the story.**

**Chapter 27: I'm not as strong as they think I am**

~*~*~*Headmaster's Office~*~*~*~

"Sirius, you should know by now you have to watch what you say." Albus scolded quietly.

"What did I say?" Sirius asked in confusion.

"You kept telling Harry he was crazy for one," Remus interjected.

"I didn't mean…" Sirius trailed off.

"You did mean it at that time. Emerson is far from crazy; the child has been through so much in such a short time. You not accepting him today; I'm afraid was enough to send him right back over the edge," Albus said quietly.

"Back over the edge?" Remus asked softly.

Albus only nodded, hoping Severus would once again to pull him back up again. He was in the middle of grabbing another one of his lemon drops when the floo flared and Severus returned.

"What did you need to speak to me about?" Severus asked quietly, wanting nothing more than to go back to his quarters and keep a watch over the boy.

"Gentlemen if you'll excuse us," Albus said turning back towards Remus and Sirius.

"Of course Albus, I'll be in my old quarters." Remus said softly. They had no intention of leaving without getting the chance to talk to Harry again.

"I'll tell him myself," Albus replied easily. Inside he was wondering if that would be the best idea.

Severus waited for them to leave before turning back to his mentor.

"What is it Albus? If this is about me drugging him, let me just tell you there was no other way to get him settled." Severus said defensively.

"No that's not at all why I wanted to talk to you m'boy. Emerson is going through so much as you know, and he's going to need someone to talk too." Albus said pointedly.

"I'm not the right person for the job. True he doesn't hate me, but in case you'd forgotten he did want me dead once upon a time. I don't want to stress him out, I really can't put it pass him not to try and harm himself again. Only this time he won't be so obvious about it." Severus said with a shake of his head.

"Well I can't think of anyone else. He reacted way too strongly to his godfather and Remus." Albus said after a moment.

"That's because they were going to curse him, just because he looked like me." Severus said his jaw clenching in remembrance.

"I see, well maybe a healer from St. Mungo's?" Albus tried again.

"I don't know, maybe. Wouldn't they have to be told who he was?" Severus asked tiredly.

"We can put them under oath." He replied quietly.

"There are a lot of oaths going around. Speaking of which, are you sure none of my Slytherins will be able to tell what happened in the classroom?" Severus asked.

"I'm sure it's airtight. The only one who can say something is Mr. Malfoy. I already know he won't take the oath, but this is ok. He's hurting too, contrary to belief." Albus said knowingly.

"If Emerson needs to speak to a healer, don't you think some of the other children do too?" Severus asked curiously.

"Very good idea, you are correct Severus." Albus agreed immediately.

"If that is all, I need to return to my quarters." Severus said getting up from his chair.

"Of course m'boy and do take care of him." Albus said waving him off.

Severus nodded before disappearing into the green flames.

~*~*~*Greenhouses~*~*~*

Neville sighed softly and looked out the window, it was getting dark and he knew that he had better get inside the castle soon. The problem was he didn't want to be around anyone right now. He didn't trust his own emotions and he didn't want to lash out. When he was really hurt he tended to say things to make others feel the same way he was. He knew everyone was fragile and though he was mostly put together he found himself unable to leave the greenhouses. It wasn't cold in here at all, due to the plants needing the heat. It almost made him feel like that someone was here with him. His plants would keep him company, if no one else would. He threw a locking charm at the door before transfiguring a blanket for him, and covering himself up. He wondered idly as he the day caught up with him, and he was barely able to close his eyes. Would anyone come looking for him? Would they notice he was gone? Neville fell asleep with his brow furrowed with worry lines, the plants around him touching him as he unconsciously called out to them.

~*~*~*The Black Lake~*~*~*

Blaise sat quietly for another hour or so until it started to get darker. He sighed softly as he looked at the girl on her side. He never planned on this; he didn't think he was the comforting type. But somewhere along he was able to calm her, and it made him feel good that he could help. He didn't like feeling useless especially not now; that gave him time to think. If he was left to his thoughts he might to something stupid, and get caught.

"Mione, we gotta go in now." He said softly gently nudging her up.

"I don't want too," she mumbled tearfully.

"I know, but it's not safe for you to be out here this late." He replied honestly.

"Because I'm a Mudblood, I know," she replied almost inaudibly.

"Do not call yourself that, what did I say earlier?" Blaize said frowning.

"I don't remember, I'm sorry for crying on you. I can handle it from here," Hermione said after a moment. Her tone was bleak and as she stood up, there didn't seem to be any type of her usual excitement in her eyes.

"It's ok, I didn't mind it actually." Blaise said standing up and stretching.

"You can go eat now," She said as they turned and made their way back to the castle.

"Aren't you hungry?" He asked carefully.

"I don't think I can eat," she replied softly.

"Starving yourself isn't going to bring him back," Blaize said sternly.

"I'm not starving myself, I'm just not hungry." She replied a bit too forcefully. She was lying though her stomach was empty and growling a bit. But why should she get to eat when Harry never would again?

"Liar," was all Blaize said.

"I just wanna lie down," she said changing the subject.

"Alright, I'll walk you to your tower," Blaize said taking her hand and gesturing for her to lead the way.

"I can do it," she said softly.

"I know you can, but I would feel better if I went with you." He admitted.

"I don't want to sleep in my tower today, and be surrounded by all those girls who treated Harry like dirt. They're all sorry now but he's gone, so that doesn't even matter. They're all hypocrites," Hermione said angrily.

"Where will you go?" Blaize asked in confusion.

"This room, I know of," she said vaguely. She was unsure or not whether to tell him about the come and go room.

"I'll walk you there then." He said easily.

"No I'll be ok, I promise Blaise." Hermione said managing a convincing smile.

"If you're sure?" He asked skeptically.

"I am, I promise." She said pushing the guilt about her lying to him to the back of her mind.

"If you need me, just send a house elf, and I will come for you," He said before hugging her tight.

Hermione could feel her resolve weakening at the hug, wanting nothing more but to stay where she was. But she didn't want to be a burden, she had been so stupid and this was her problem to deal with and not Blaize. She watched him walk down the corridor, turning once to look back at her before turning the corner. She took that moment to take off in a dead sprint towards the seventh floor. She was so caught up in her own turmoil she didn't hear the footsteps behind her.

Blaise had followed her, and he kept silent wanting to see where she was going, just in case she needed him. He raised an eyebrow as they got on the 7th floor and she started pacing in front of a wall. His eyes nearly popped out when a door appeared and she walked in it. Once she closed it the door disappeared. He sighed softly, hoping she would be ok before making his way down towards the great hall and to have a late dinner.

In the room of requirement, Hermione laid on a bed similar to hers at home, but she was not comforted. She couldn't get the thought out of her head, of how that scratch outside made her feel, and she was curious about something. She closed her eyes and asked the room for something sharp, and was rewarded when a razor blade appeared on the bed.

She bit her lip apprehensively as she carefully held the blade in her hand. It felt light and cool against her hot skin. It gave her a sense of calm already, and though she knew she shouldn't do it she almost couldn't stop herself. Hermione placed the cool blade on her left forearm and let it rest there for a moment, feeling entranced again. Almost as if she was having an out of body experience she slowly ran the blade across her skin.

~*~*~*Snape's Quarters~*~*~*~

Harry woke up the next morning and froze as he realized something. How did he get in his bed, and his pajamas? He didn't remember walking to their quarters; he flushed at the thought of Snape tucking him in or something. He had no idea how close he was to the truth. He was curious to know what happened with Remus and Sirius, but he didn't particularly want to talk to either of them anytime soon.

He knew that Sirius wouldn't accept it and he didn't fancy getting hurt again. He stilled as he remembered him crying all over Snape, and his face heated up in embarrassment. He groaned before burying his head under his pillow. Had he really done that? Before he could think on it there was a knock on his door before it suddenly opened to reveal the potion's master.

"Why do you knock if you're just going to come in anyways?" Harry asked curiously.

"Courtesy," Severus replied easily. "Breakfast is ready,"

"How is it courtesy? I didn't tell you to enter. What if I'm in the middle of getting dressed?" Harry asked uneasily.

Severus quirked an eyebrow and smirked before answering casually; "I can assure you that it won't be anything I haven't seen before. I have been the head of Slytherin for many years."

"Professor!" Harry exclaimed his face beet red as he looked at his teacher.

"Relax Emerson," Severus said his lips twitching as he prevented a smile.

Harry was truly embarrassed and he turned his gaze towards the ground; planning on getting dressed in the bathroom.

"I'll be out when I get done," Harry said awkwardly.

Severus nodded before shaking his head at Harry's obvious embarrassment. He closed the door behind him and walked towards the kitchen.

Harry dressed quickly not wanting Snape to sneak up on him, or something before making his way towards the breakfast table. He sat down quickly and started in on his food, feeling extremely hungry since he had missed dinner yesterday. He didn't look up the entire time he ate so he missed the look on his Professor's face as he watched him.

Severus drank his coffee quietly as he read his paper, keeping an eye on Harry. He cleared his throat once the boy looked to be done and he was looking into emerald eyes that reminded him what he was doing and why. He wouldn't fail Lily, not again.

"We need to talk Emerson, are you finished?" He asked gesturing to the spread.

"Yes sir," Harry replied carefully though inside he was thinking about what he could have possibly have done to warrant a talk. He hated going into a discussion blind, it made him uneasy. He was already starting to regret eating so much at breakfast as his stomach churned. By the time they had moved towards the living room Harry was feeling like his breakfast was gonna come up any minute.

Severus noticed the change of the color in the boy's face but there really wasn't much he could do for it. He didn't say anything waiting for the boy to get comfortable. Plus he was trying to figure out how to ease into this rather delicate conversation.

"What do you wanna talk to me about sir?" Harry whispered.

Severus was never one to beat around the bush when he needed to talk about something. Unlike Albus he preferred his information in a timely matter, but he didn't want to do any more damage to the boy's fragile state. He shook his head; there really was nothing for it.

"Why did you do it Harry?" He asked quietly.

"I'm not Harry, why does every keep calling me that?" Harry said angrily, he had no idea how why he was feeling anger.

"Calm yourself," Severus said quietly; wondering if this was such a good idea.

"I am calm," Harry said his angrily leaving as quickly as it came.

"Now why did you do it Emerson?" Severus repeated, looking intently at the boy as he waited for his answer. He wasn't sure if this was going to well or not, but he had promised Albus he would try.

**What did you think? Flamers will be pushed out of the airplane with no parachute. That ought of cool you guys down :)**


	28. Chapter 28

**A/N-No warnings this chapter**

**Chapter 28: I've always been alone**

"Do what Professor? Why did I tell Sirius and Remus?" Harry asked, his heart pounding loudly in his chest he was afraid that the other man could hear it. He wasn't that dense and he knew exactly just what the man was asking. The only problem was Harry didn't want to answer it, but he knew already that Snape wouldn't let this conversation go.

"No I wasn't referring to that at all Emerson. Although according to Albus they wish to speak with you." He said carefully, watching the boy for a reaction.  
"No thank you, I really don't wanna hear how crazy Sirius thinks I am. I heard enough yesterday," Harry said softly.  
"Emerson what Black said yesterday didn't mean a thing." Severus said slowly.  
"Right," Harry said sarcastically.  
"I'm being serious, now listen up. I knew Sirius Black in school and I can assure you that he often said things without thinking. For you to believe half the things that come out of his mouth would make you an imbecile and I know you aren't that. As of right now is mind is in shambles due to his stay in Azkaban." Severus replied. He for one could not believe he was trying to justify the man's actions. Harry was changing him so much; he could care less about the mutt.

Harry looked at his teacher in awed silence, never thought he'd see the day when his teacher tried to reassure him. One thing he couldn't do was satiate his curiosity.

"You knew Sirius in school?" He asked brightly.  
"I did, I did tell you I knew your mother?" Severus asked trying to divert the conversation; he did not want to discuss just how well he knew Black.  
"Yes sir that means you also knew Moony and my dad, right?" Harry finished excitedly.  
"Indeed," Severus replied quietly, keeping his tongue and in temper in check. Any other time he would have already snapped at the boy but he knew he couldn't do that now.  
"Can you tell me about my dad too?" Harry asked with a smile.  
"Why haven't you asked Black or Lupin to tell you about him? They were his closest friends I assure you," Severus said carefully.  
"They told me a little bit, but they're a little biased especially Sirius."Harry said thoughtfully.  
"Minerva would be more suited for this," Severus said quickly.  
"But she doesn't know about me so I can't really ask her," Harry pointed out.  
"Yes I am very aware of that," Severus replied tightly.

"So I don't have anyone else to ask," Harry said turning his pleading eyes to his Professor.

"Emerson what I have to say about your father, you really don't need to hear right now. So for my sanity and yours do not ask me again." Severus replied firmly.

"Oh, I'm sorry sir," Harry said quietly. He felt like he had just stepped over a line he didn't even know was there. He bit his bottom lip anxiously, wondering if Remus would maybe know why Snape didn't wanna talk about his dad.

"Quite alright, now back to my original question. Why did you feel like you had to shoot yourself and possibly others Harry?"

Harry was uncomfortable, he didn't want to tell Snape his reason it was much too personal. He squirmed in his seat from being put on the spot, he didn't like this feeling.

"I'm not Harry anymore," he whispered the words feeling like they had gotten stuck in his throat.

"I apologize Emerson, but will you tell me why you did it?" Severus asked again.

"I was alone," Harry mumbled.

"Elaborate a bit more on that for me." Severus replied kindly.

"Everyone was turning on me, I felt like I didn't matter to anyone. That no one could see me, I felt like if I suddenly went missing no one would notice that I'd left. They would only see that I wasn't there when the Dark Lord made himself known to the wizarding world." Harry said his stomach churning. He didn't want to be judged by Snape, he had enough of that in the past.

"I really don't like hearing that name come out of your mouth," Severus admitted, inside he was going over Harry's words. He wasn't sure he knew how to handle this situation; he didn't think he was the right person for the job.

"You said if I was in Slytherin, I could call him that." Harry pointed out softly.

"I know I did," Severus replied with a frown.

Harry bounced his leg nervously; this talk was really starting to freak him out. What if Snape wanted to know the whole reason why Harry didn't shoot him? Why he chose to listen to him and stay back and fight? He didn't think he could tell the man that, he wasn't even sure he could talk to him much more.

"Then why don't you like it when I call him that and not the other Slytherins?" Harry asked quietly.

"Because they are from dark families, you aren't. It puts me at unease when you say it," Severus confessed.

"You think I'm going to dark right?" Harry asked softly, of course the man thought that. He had gone berserk and shot himself, clearly there wasn't any trust there.

"No," Severus answered softly.

"Then why?" Harry pressed.

"It's just uncomfortable hearing it from your mouth. Harry Potter is the Gryffindor golden boy and the youngest seeker in a century. He is never supposed to call the Dark Lord the dark Lord." Severus explained quickly.

Harry Potter is dead..." Harry said in a flat tone.  
"I know he is," Severus replied just as quiet.  
"Wish you had allowed me to die with him." Harry murmured softly.

Severus didn't say anything to that last remark, knowing Harry hadn't wanted him to hear it. He frowned again, after hearing that was a bit worried that Harry would try to kill himself again. Just because he cried once didn't mean he was healed.

"Emerson, would feel more comfortable talking to someone about why you felt you had to kill yourself and shoot me, Draco and Delores?" Severus asked gently.

Harry stared at the man across from him silently. A part of him was happy that Snape had asked that but another irrational side couldn't help but think that Snape didn't want to deal with him. He wasn't Harry Potter and he didn't keep things to himself. He wanted to know so he would ask.

"You don't want to be the one I confide in, why?" He asked quietly.  
"It's not that I don't want that, I just don't think that I'm the best person to talk to you." Severus said carefully.  
"We're talking now," Harry pointed out.  
"We are, but as you can see we're not talking about what happened that day." Severus clarified.  
"I don't wanna talk about that with you. No offence sir," Harry replied, proving Snape correct in his assessment.

"I know you don't, which is why I was thinking maybe you can talk to a healer." Severus answered.

"You think that's something wrong with me?" Harry asked a bit shocked.

"No I don't," he replied softly.

"I don't want to talk to a healer. Won't they know who I am?" Harry asked quietly.

"Yes, but they will be under oath, so they won't disclose our secret." Severus responded.

"I don't want to talk to a magical person," Harry decided quietly.

"Why not?" Severus asked.

"Because they have their assumptions about me, I want to talk to someone who doesn't know the name Harry Potter. I want to just be me, without fear is all." Harry confessed.

"I understand Emerson; I'll talk to Albus and see what we can do." Severus said quickly.

He didn't mind that Harry didn't want to talk to a healer; he could understand the boy's reasons no doubt. The reason he wasn't pushing it was because Emerson had agreed to talk to someone, which was the first step. Even if he hadn't said it, he had admitted in his own way that he had a problem.

**What did you think? Flamers can...uh...*thinks about what else I can do to them :)***


	29. Chapter 29

**A/N-I think I'm gonna have to update like every 2-3 days instead of everyday. I need a break..I'm dying here..this story is all angst for the moment and its killer..I really do cry to it as you guys do lol**

**Chapter 29: What you see is not what you Get**

Neville woke up the next morning, with a slight crook in his neck. That hadn't been the best night of sleep he had and for a moment he wondered what the heck he was doing in the greenhouse. That is until he suddenly remembered, and though the tears tried to come again he stayed strong. He got up and stretched and straightened himself out before making his way back to the castles. He hoped that he wouldn't run into anyone, he wasn't in the mood to talk at the moment.

He made his way to the Gryffindor tower without much trouble but that ended the minute he entered the common room. The common room was full, which was a little surprising since most time everyone would be at breakfast. What were they all still doing in here? He hadn't spoken to anyone since yesterday morning and he didn't feel up to talking to anyone. They were looking at him like he knew something; he shrugged before turning to walk up the stairs. He stopped however when he heard someone call his name.

"Neville where were you?" Dean asked quietly.

Neville shrugged, this was weird. Many times he had gone off and no one bothered to ask where he was except Harry. But now Harry was gone, and he had no one else to confide in. He stared blankly at his dorm mate before continuing his trek up the stairs, ignoring the whispered conversations about his strange behavior. He was used to it anyways, so it was nothing new to him. He opened his dorm and silently entered making a point not to glance in the direction of Harry's bed. He did see Ron who was still sleep; tear tracks evident on his face.

Neville turned his suddenly watering eyes to the ceiling, overcome with sudden grief. He couldn't handle this, why did Harry have to do it? He clenched his jaw before grabbing his towel and heading towards the shower. He wasn't going to cry over this. He had learned early on that tears didn't do a thing. Tears didn't bring his parent's minds back, nor would they resurrect Harry from the dead.

~*~*~*Room of Requirement~*~*~*

Hermione woke up from the sun shining in her face, feeling more refreshed then she had ever felt. She remembered no doubt what they were told yesterday but she wasn't feeling like she might drown in her grief. As she got off her bed something red caught her eye, and her breath caught in her throat. Her entire left arm from her bicep to her wrist was littered in single slash marks. She traced them with her fingers, trying to remember doing this but she couldn't. Although she did remember wanting to die, and then feeling at peace, were these the cause of that?

She shook her head, not wanting to think about that before tugging on her robe. As the fabric rubbed against her arm; it made the cuts sting and she winced. Walking out the room she bit her bottom lip, wondering how she was gonna hide them. She knew that injuries that were self-inflicted took longer to heal then those that weren't. They rendered certain healing spells useless. A part of her wondered if a potion could cover it, but she didn't feel up to making one in Myrtle's bathroom. That place held too many memories for her to handle it.

Making her way down the steps she was just turning the corner near the great hall when her heart stopped as she caught sight of who was in front of her. Blaize was there at the door, as if he was waiting for someone. Forcing herself to calm down she gave him a tiny smile, which he returned more or less.

"Good morning, how do you feel?" He asked cautiously.

"Better, I feel really good right now." She replied honestly.

"That's good to hear," he said smoothly.

"Are you hungry?" He asked after a moment.

"No, I'm not." She lied.

"You haven't eaten since yesterday morning, you're definitely hungry." Blaize said firmly.

"I don't think so; I know my body more than you do." She stated defensively.

"Fine, don't eat then. When you pass out, don't come crying to me." Blaize said with a shrug before walking in without her. It was a Slytherin tactic and since she was a lion she wouldn't realize it. He wasn't really going to give up on her that easily, but she didn't know that.

Hermione frowned but something compelled her to follow him in. She sighed before taking a seat at the end of the Ravenclaw table where he was currently sitting.

"Don't be mad, I'll eat ok," she said softly. She was hungry but she wasn't, at the moment her stomach was churning from the fear that he would leave her. Her emotions weren't in control at the moment, and it scared her. It scared her because of what she had apparently done last night.

"I'm not mad; you're making me worry about you." Blaize said quietly before pushing a bowl of fruit in front of her.

"I'm sorry," she replied quietly.

"Don't be, just eat alright?" He said taking a bit of toast and looking at her pointedly.

Hermione nodded before she slowly started to eat some of the fruit, making sure that her robe didn't slide up. She couldn't stand the fact that she had disappointed someone at the moment. She had told him yesterday that she wouldn't hurt herself, but she did anyway. She sighed and focused on her breakfast, not letting her mind wander. Her good mood was slipping anyway, and her arm was starting to itch; only she knew it wasn't physical. What the hell?

She sighed softly ignoring it in favor of focusing on her fruit like it was the most interesting thing in the world. How was she going to hide this Blaise? He had taken his time out of his day to sit with her, and comfort her and she had gone and done this. What would he think of her now?

Blaize was watching her carefully as he hate, something other than Harry's death was on her mind that much he knew. That was as far as his knowledge went but he trusted her enough to tell him what was wrong when she was ready. He couldn't fathom what it was so he shrugged and returned to his food. He frowned as he looked around the great hall; various students were missing and where the heck was his head of house? Blaize shrugged he could care less about Snape, but he wanted to know where Theodore was.

"Classes are canceled today," Blaize said out of the blue.

"Well, I wasn't going to go if they weren't." Hermione replied nonchalantly.

"Really; excuse me if I find that hard to believe," Blaise said with a shake of his head. Granger was known around the entire school being a stickler for rules, and the only time she was late for a class it was usually the Weasels and Potters fault. He stilled for a moment at that last thought; Potter was dead. He looked at her quickly, since when had she developed such a poker face.

"I've been known to skip every now and then." She said lightly, inside was a different story. She couldn't do this; she couldn't sit here and pretend that everything was alright when it clearly wasn't. How did people deal with grief? Was she gonna get the chance to say goodbye to Harry? Did wizards even have funerals? So many questions and she didn't know who to ask. She sighed quietly before looking up to find a pair of worried brown eyes looking back at her.

"I'm sorry if I upset you," Blaize said softly reaching for her hand on the table.

"You didn't upset me, I was wondering about something. Do you know if wizards have funerals?" Hermione asked softly.

"We do, I'm sure that Dumbledore will make sure that Harry gets one. You deserve to say goodbye," Blaise said quietly as he rubbed soothing circles into her hand.

Hermione stilled for a moment, the hand he had grabbed was the one with the cuts on it. She resisted the urge to snatch her hand away from him, not wanting to make him suspicious. She gazed around the great hall, it looked kind of empty.

"Where is everybody?" She murmured.

"I don't know, I was wondering the same thing," Blaise replied as he finished up his breakfast.

"Can we go for walk again, or sit by the lake or something?" Hermione asked after a moment. She wanted that sense of peace she got yesterday for him, before the urge to hurt herself again took over all thought.

"We can, I just need to check on someone for a moment. Is that alright?" Blaise asked intending on speaking to Draco who had just walked into the great hall.

"That's fine, I've gotta go to the bathroom anyways," Hermione said slipping her hand from his and standing up.

Blaise looked at her closely; he had a feeling that she wasn't being quite truthful. But he brushed it off as her wanting to have a girl moment and nodded before making his way to the Slytherin table.

Hermione watched him go as she made her way out the great hall, she shook her head sadly as she walked into the girls bathroom and into a stall. She blinked back the tears as she sat on the closed toilet seat before conjuring up a razor.

"I thought Slytherins tended to read in between the lines." She said softly to herself before she lost herself in a battle against grief and pain.

**What did you think? Flamers...go away**


	30. Chapter 30

**A/N- I explained why I chose Mione for that particular wait to deal with grief and I'm really, really tired of hearing she wouldnt do that. Clearly this story is AU which I've said. It's not really gonna change, she's gonna do it regardless. Those who dislike it at least you know that I will not write about it graphically because, I have no desire to trigger myself or anyone else. With that being said onto the story, Severus and Harry come back next chapter. **

**Chapter 30: Think before you speak**

Blaize took a seat in front of Draco who looked more normal today. If anything the blonde didn't look a thing like he did yesterday. Had he not seen him break down yesterday he would have assumed his friend heartless.

"Draco have you seen Theodore?" Blaise asked easily.

"Greg said he's in the infirmary," Draco answered calmly.

"He's hurt?" Blaise asked horrified.

"No, he had a panic attack in potions." Draco said his tone wavering for a moment before he gained control again.

"I see," Blaise said quietly. And he did see why the hell anyone would want to go back to that classroom was anyone's guess.

"Why were you sitting with the mud-Granger?" Draco asked conversationally. He would never admit it but the girl's words had really hit home. He had teased a lot of the muggleborns and half bloods in this school. To know that they had access to that lethal weapon really frightened him.

"She's not doing so well," Blaise said his eyebrow rising in question as he caught Draco's word.

"Mudblood is mean," Draco said softly in explanation.

"That never stopped you before," Blaise pointed out.

"I never knew words hurt worse than spells," Draco admitted shamefully.

"And now you do?" Blaise asked after a moment.

"I'm beginning to see," Draco answered before buttering his toast.

"Good," Blaise said quietly, pride evident in his tone.

"How is she doing, Granger?" Draco asked after a few minutes of random conversation.

"Not so good, she's blaming herself," Blaise said in a frustrated tone.

"What; why would she do that?" Draco asked in a shocked tone, she felt the same way he did. He couldn't understand what the girl had done to Potter though.

"I don't know, we haven't talk about it. I don't want to rush her; she's already on the verge." Blaise said softly, thinking back to yesterday.

"The verge of what?" Draco asked cautiously.

"Of cracking, she's not as strong as we all thought. She's human too, and she's trying to work through her grief but it's getting to be too much for her to handle." Blaise said quietly.

"What do you mean?" Draco asked not liking the sound of this.

"Yesterday something cut her palm, and she had this weird look on her face. It was so peaceful, but it was only there when she saw the blood. I'm worried for her, I don't want her to start hurting herself as an outlet for her pain," Blaise said in a worried.

"She won't do that; this is Granger we're talking about." Draco said smoothly.

"As I've just said we don't really know the Gryffindors and they don't know us. We show each other what we want them to see and they do the same. This is why we didn't see Potter crack until it was too late. Hermione isn't just a know-it-all," Blaise explained softly.

Draco frowned knowing his friend had a point. He sighed; this was showing them a lot about one another. He found himself glancing towards the lion's table, half of them weren't there and the ones that were didn't look so good. He looked towards the head table and frowned as he realized something; where the heck was Snape?

"Have you seen Snape at all today?" Draco asked curiously.

"No and I don't really care. He's a liar and I'm through with him," Blaise said his anger coming back.

"Calm down, what did he do that was so bad?" Draco asked having not heard from how lost he had been yesterday.

"He lied to me about Harry. That night I asked him if Harry was gonna be ok but he said he didn't know. That was clearly a lie," Blaise said quietly.

"Maybe he really didn't, don't tell anyone this. But I talked to Potter, that night I mean. He had woken up and we talked a bit before I fell back asleep." Draco said swallowing the lump in his throat.

"What did you guys talk about?" Blaise asked his tone full of shock and curiosity.

"I tried to apologize to him," Draco said with a frown.

"You apologized to Potter?" Blaise asked in disbelief.

"I did, but he wouldn't accept it," Draco said face burning in remembrance.

"What did you say when you realized he wasn't going to accept it?" Blaise asked already knowing how his friend could be.

"I threatened him with telling my dad about what he did, and taunted him about getting the kiss." Draco admitted shamefully.

"Why would you do that? You can honestly not be that thick? Are you insane?" Blaise asked looking at his friend in horror.

"I didn't know that he was still close to death, I thought he was fine." Draco said defensively.

"Even after what happened in that classroom; you haven't learned shit. Your life was on the line, because you taunted this boy and lived to make his life hell. And then you threatened a boy who Professor Snape had to beg for him to hold onto life with death? He already wanted death, have you learned nothing?" Blaise asked getting up from the table, his eyes filling with frustrated tears.

"I didn't mean it," Draco replied softly, feeling lower then muggleborns at that moment. And to him that was saying something, considering his views on them.

"You meant it, otherwise you wouldn't have said it," Blaise said shaking his head one last time and walking out of the Great Hall.

"You have no idea how much I wish I could take it back," Draco whispered to himself as he friend walked away from him.

Blaise was so angry at Draco's bigotry and stupidity he didn't know what to think. He was just wanted to slug anyone to get rid of this feeling; at least he did until he saw Mione come out of the bathroom. She looked different then she did when she went in, and it didn't put him at ease in the slightest.

"Mione, are you ok?" He couldn't help but ask.

"Not really," Hermione said still reeling in shock at what she just did. A part of her relished in the pain and it was starting to feel a bit addicting. The fact that she didn't feel like crying when she did it made it all better. But she knew this type of behavior was wrong, she didn't want anyone thinking she was crazy.

"That's ok, if you had of said yes I would have been really worried." Blaise replied easily.

"Can we take that walk now?" Hermione asked quietly.

"Yes, let's go." Blaise said taking her hand and leading her outside.

~*~*~*Great Hall~*~*~*

Draco was angry again, not with Blaise but himself. He hated who he was at that moment, Blaise's words really had hit home as well. He was learning more things about people he knew for 4 years in the span of a few days then he ever did. He knew that the rest of his house was confused about their behavior, but Blaise was right. They weren't there; they had no idea, what the hell went on in that room.

Draco sighed quietly before getting up, his plate still full, but he was the furthest thing from hungry. He walked out the Great hall, wondering where Emerson was. The boy was so elusive; he hadn't seen him last night or this morning. Draco couldn't stop the thoughts from wondering, unsure of where the hell his feet were taking him. He knew that Blaise probably didn't think he regretted what he did, but he knew. He wished with all magic that this was just a dream last night, but when he woke up he knew it was true.

~*~*Gryffindor Boy's dorm~*~*~*

Ron woke up to a quiet dorm; no one was there with him. After what happened in potions, Professor Snape had said he would write them notes if they needed to be excused from classes. He did, he didn't feel like going which wasn't that different from any other day. But today he also didn't feel like eating either, and with him that was saying something. He got dressed quickly knowing he couldn't stay here and soon made his way to the common room and out the door. He breathed a sigh of relief as he walked through the corridors; it was so sad being in the tower.

He sighed softly, his head towards the ground as he walked trying to keep his mind clear of all thought. He didn't know where he was going, but he was content to continue walking until he couldn't anymore. It beat crying about losing his best friend. He sniffled softly, pushing the tears back as he walked. It was of no consequence since he wasn't looking up that he bumped into someone.

"Sorry about that," he whispered out still not looking up. He was preparing to go around whoever it was when they spoke.

"Weasely?" Draco said in a shocked tone.


	31. Chapter 31

**A/N-I'm not gonna apologize for being lateish...because its summer...and my mum told me I was spending to much time indoors and confiscated my computer lol. Apparently I have to prioritize my time more..Oh I know that I said that Harry and Severus was coming back this chapter..I meant the next one...Neville had to make a reapperance..sorry...:)**

**Chapter 31: The meaning of Selfish**

Harry was casually bouncing his leg in his room as Professor Snape and Dumbledore talked. He knew that they were talking about him, but they didn't want him to hear it. That frustrated him to know end, and a part of him wanted to get up and open the door to see if he could hear them. He knew it would be futile since Snape probably had a silencing charm around them.

He looked around the room, feeling jittery. He didn't want to be in their quarters at the moment or at all. That little talk with Snape had frazzled his nerves, and he wanted to be outside on his broom or something. He grinned, before standing up hoping he would be allowed to. He idly wondered why he wasn't staying in the Slytherin dorms, and if he ever would be allowed to. Harry took a breath before opening the door and walking out.

"What do you need Emerson?" Severus asked, hearing the door open immediately.

"Could I go for a walk or something?" Harry asked calmly from out in the hallway. He didn't want to see the Headmaster at the moment; he didn't want to get ignored this early in the morning.

"I suppose, just be in the Great hall, or here by lunch." Severus replied ignoring Albus's shocked look. He knew first hand that it wouldn't help the boy at all, if he felt trapped. He was not keeping him prisoner down here in the dungeons.

"Thanks Professor," Harry said before trying to walk out the door and avoid the Headmaster.

"Emerson, that's rude; we have company. Come say hello and then you can leave," Severus said firmly.

Harry sighed before making his way into the sitting room, staring at the floor.

"Hello Headmaster," he said softly before walking out the room.

"Wonder what that was about?"Severus asked curiously.

"If you remembered I was ignoring him before because of Voldemort and what their link can do." Albus said.

"Of course," Severus replied tightly, his mark stinging at his word.

"He hasn't forgiven me yet, but I was curious about one thing. He's going to need Occulmency training more than ever now." Albus said.

"Trust me when I say, he'll be fine." Severus said with a smirk.

"What do you mean Severus? He holds a lot of secrets about you that if Voldemort were to find you would be killed." Albus said worriedly.

"The blood potion awarded him certain abilities. I am a natural Occulemens, and now so is he." Severus said, his eyes shining in amusement. He had never seen Albus so shocked and this was priceless.

"And you've checked his shields?" Albus asked having quickly recovered.

"I have, he needs help organizing them but other than that he has a firm grasp on it." Severus replied, a bit of pride in his voice.

Albus was elated in the least, trying to look pass everything that had happened. It would be unforgiving to forget what happened the other day. It would be stupid to think that Harry had recovered. And it would be immoral not to have some healers come to the school. He nodded his head, planning on asking Poppy if she could floo St. Mungo's.

~*~*~*Classroom~*~*~*

Neville was currently sitting in abandoned classroom his wand on the desk in front of him. His thoughts were clear for once, and they were the furthest thing from good. Harry who had so much going for him killed himself. He was the incompetent fool, and he knew without a doubt that if given the option people would rather him dead then Harry.

He sighed softly as he picked up his wand, idly wondering what spell would work. Knowing him he would botch it up and then he would get saved. He winced already imagining that conversation. Who was he gonna talk to now? His chest felt like it was gonna explode from all the grief he felt. Why did it hurt so bloody bad? Would the pain ever go away?

~*~*Corridors~*~*~*

Harry smiled as he headed towards the exit near the black lake. He was in a cheerful mood in spite of everything going on around him. He smiled and had waved to Luna without thinking about it. He wondered idly, what she wanted when she walked up to him.

"Hello Harry," Luna said dreamily.

Harry's heart stilled so quickly he was sure he had stopped beating. His widened eyes the only reaction as he stared at her in concealed shock.

"I'm not Harry I'm Emerson," he said calmly.

"Of course you are Harry," Luna repeated softly.

"My name is not Harry," he persisted.

"You're lying not only to me, but yourself as well." Luna said airily.

"Promise not to tell?" He finally said, knowing she wouldn't drop it.

"I won't but is hiding really going to solve anything?" She asked quietly.

"If not this I'll be kissed," he said pulling her into an empty classroom and spelling the room.

"I know, but I meant what about your friends?" She asked softly.

"They'll be fine," Harry said softly, though he remembered Hermione and she had been the furthest thing from fine.

"Blaise is helping her but she still so sad," Luna said softly, knowing already he was thinking of.

"How did you know it was me?" Harry asked softly, his disguise was flawless, even his voice was different.

"I know your aura Harry Potter and that doesn't change. Although it does look a bit brighter than before," She mused before explaining the nargles to him.

"Hmm," Harry said softly, he would have to tell Snape about this.

"I wasn't just talking about Ron or Hermione. Who did you use to have weekly chats with about random plants and Quidditch plays with?" Luna said walking towards the door.

"Neville, is he ok?" Harry asked worriedly.

"No he's not ok, but if you had to ask me that then I know that you knew that already." She said before exiting the room.

Harry followed her out about 30 seconds after running quickly towards the room he always talked in with Neville. He was there within 5 minutes bursting through the door and startling the boy to where he dropped his wand. He closed to door and locked it, the muggle way and then with his wand before throwing up a few privacy spells.

"What do you want?" Neville stammered out, his heart beating widely. Not at the thought of the boy in here with him, but of how close he had been to ending his life again.

"To talk," Harry said pulling out a chair those red rimmed eyes said everything he ever wanted to know and more.

"I don't wanna talk," he said softly.

"Then just listen," Harry said before randomly jumping into a conversation about mandrakes.

"Why are you doing this?" Neville asked about 10 minutes later, he was calm now for the most part.

"Because no one else has, doesn't anybody care what happens to you?" Harry said quietly, as he moved closer. He understood that everyone was grieving but how could they leave Neville at a time like this.

"One person did," he said quietly his eyes filling with tears. He sighed angrily wiping them away.

"Let them come," Harry said seeing the tears. And who was that person?" Harry said quietly.

"Harry my friend," he said looking at the book in his hands, his face full of misery.

"I see," Harry said quietly before standing in front of the boy who was trying to prevent his tears from coming.

"What are u doing now?" Neville asked a lump in his throat. He wouldn't cry in front of this guy, he didn't know him. Though he had no clue what the other boy's motive was for helping him, he felt safe as the boy's presence seemed familiar in a way.

"Stand up Neville," Harry said firmly.

Neville stood up and looked at the other's boys eyes surprised to find acceptance and understanding in them. He tried to swallow that lump of tears in his throat but he couldn't.

"How do you know my name?" He asked quietly, tilting his head to the ceiling to stop the tears.

"Is it really important?" Harry asked side stepping the question.

"Not really," Neville replied trying to clear his throat.

"It'll be ok I promise you that." Harry said softly.

"I doubt it," Neville sniffled.

Harry frowned slightly, before pulling the boy into a hug. He could feel him fighting him but he stayed strong. And soon the struggles turned to more sniffles before he heard the chest clenching sob that had his own eyes watering. He held his friend in that hug as he cried his hurt out, Harry feeling horrible for making the already insecure boy to feel like this.

"Tears don't solve anything," Neville blubbered out.

"They repair broken hearts, it just takes time," Harry replied simply before closing his eyes.

Neville didn't care that the he was hugging was A Slytherin who was supposed to be dark. He only cared that at least one person had come for him. He felt like he actually mattered to someone, even though at the same time he felt like someone had just shattered his heart.

**What did you think? Flamers can be buried in the sand and forgotten about :p**


	32. Chapter 32

**A/N- I know I said Harry And Snape bonding...but shit...the story keeps running from me. They are in like Chapter 34..the longest Chapter to date..this one is actually really long, because I have a plan on what chapter to end the story, but if I keep wrting smaller chapters, I'll pass it lol.**

**I hope you guys are grateful and what not, and on to the story. Warning: Mentions of SI, sucicide, theres a bit of blood, but its from a duel lol, and its not graphic.**

**Oh one more important note, for the purpose of this story Harry has found the Prince's book, I think thats the only thing.**

**Chapter 32: How can you know me, if I don't even know myself? **

Harry held onto Neville for so long that his arms were starting to feel numb from how hard he was hugging him but he never let go. After a long time he felt the boy shift as if to move away and he released him slowly.

"Thanks for that," Neville said hoarsely his eyes still shining bright with his tears.

"I'm sorry," Harry whispered in return. How could he be so selfish? How could he think about only himself? The whole reason everyone was grieving was because he suddenly decided he couldn't handle his life anymore. Why didn't he see that if he died, he would be missed? He felt so disgusted with himself, wanting nothing more but to tell Neville he was alright.

"What are you sorry for?" Neville asked curiously as he pulled out his handkerchief.

"Never mind," Harry said with a sigh before turning towards the door and disabling everything. "Come on Neville."

"Where are we going?" Neville asked softly.

"To my friend," Harry said vaguely, knowing how much the other boy feared Snape.

"Oh," Neville said before following after him.

Harry walked silently towards the dungeons; he could feel the other boy shudder from the coolness of it. He himself felt right at home down here, so it didn't bother him in the slightest.

"Who's your friend?" Neville asked cautiously.

"Professor Snape," Harry said as they stood in a front of a portrait.

"N-n-no I…I can't be h-h-here," he stammered out.

"Relax Neville, he's not going to hurt you," Harry replied gently.

"H-h-he h-hates me," he replied worriedly.

"He doesn't hate you, I don't think. Nonetheless he would never harm a student," Harry replied with conviction he thought he would never use with Snape.

Harry noticed the boy didn't reply to that and he quietly said the password before walking inside. He looked around, his ears trying to catch if the Headmaster was still there, but it was silent.

"Uncle Severus, where are you?" Harry called out, gesturing for Neville to close the door.

Frankly Harry didn't know what else to do, he had caught Neville in the act many times before, but never was he as close as he was today. He could hear the beginning of the spell as he walked in and he thanked his lucky stars for his timing. He would not be giving him back his wand just yet. He idly wondered if Snape could put the charm that would alert him if Harry tried to use the wand against himself on Neville's wand.

"I'm in my lab Emerson, what did you need?" Severus called out.

"I need to talk to you again," Harry replied, his gaze kept glancing towards Neville and him slowly inching towards the door.

"Alright give me about 10 minutes and I'll be done," Severus replied absently.

"Ok," Harry answered. "Follow me," Harry said as he headed towards his room.

Neville swallowed the lump of fear in his throat, wondering what the other boy had planned for him with Snape. He wasn't scared of Emerson; he knew somehow that the other kid wasn't going to hurt him. He couldn't however say the same thing about his Professor. He had had the man attempt to teach him for 5 years and he didn't put it passed him to hurt him.

Neville knew exactly how much he sucked at potions, add to the fact that Snape made it worse he didn't know what to do. He didn't want to be here, but he followed Emerson anyways.

Severus wondered idly as he waited on his potion to pass a crucial point before he could throw a stasis charm on it. He was curious to know just what Harry wanted to talk to him about. They had made it perfectly clear that he would not be talking about 'the incident'. He shrugged as he walked over to wash his hands as he waited. After reassuring himself that his potion would be fine he walked out his lab and headed to Harry room. He knocked once before opening the door to find Harry and the Longbottom boy discussing plants.

"Emerson, you wished to speak with me?" He drawled.

"Um yes sir, I ran into Neville here in a particular position and I didn't know what to do." Harry said carefully.

Severus narrowed his eyes at the cryptic words and glared at the boy.

"What particular position Emerson?" He asked quietly.

Harry looked to Neville who was looking at him in fear. He sighed softly, and gave Neville an apologetic look but he turned to answer his teacher. If someone had only told a Professor about how he was really faring then he wouldn't be in the mess.

"Neville tried to kill himself today," Harry said bluntly.

"What?" Severus said looking at the Gryffindor boy in disbelief.

Neville was looking like he wished the floor would open up and swallow him, he didn't like the way his Potions Professor was looking at him.

"Just what I said," Harry replied quietly.

"Mr. Longbottom, why would you do something like that?" Severus asked carefully, trying to catch the boy's gaze.

"What I do in my spare time, is none of your business Professor." Neville said softly.

His heart was thumping fast and hard in his chest. He had never spoken to a teacher this way, least of all Snape. He was feeling something close to rage in his chest. How dare Emerson tell Snape; what the hell gave the boy the right? He was so angry; he had never felt more betrayed. Just because this boy had comforted him, didn't make him Harry. Harry would never do that to him. He shook away his thoughts, none of that matter because he was dead.

"I beg your pardon Mr. Longbottom," Severus asked dangerously. This particular boy had never once spoken back to him, and this new development had him on edge. How many more children here had contemplated suicide?

"Nothing at all Professor Snape, if that's all I will be going now," Neville said curtly before standing up and trying to make his way around his Professor.

"Not so fast Mr. Longbottom, I don't believe I gave you a choice in the matter. This is serious business and if you're doing this for attention then I will see to it that you will be punished." Severus said angrily, hating the attitude he was getting from the usually quiet child.

"Attention, yes I was planning to take my own life in an abandoned classroom where the entrance was covered in notice me not charms. Attention he says, I was found out before I could complete the job. Why didn't you let me Emerson?" Neville asked turning his teary eyes towards the boy.

"Because it wasn't the right choice Neville," Harry replied softly.

"It doesn't matter whether or not it was the right choice, it was mine. What gave you the right to take it away from me?" Neville asked brokenly.

"I didn't wanna lose a friend to a something as senseless as that," Harry admitted quietly.

"I'm not your friend, I don't even know you. You're just some boy who just happened to be there at the wrong time." Neville said with a shake of his head.

"I was there because you needed me, everyone needs someone Neville. Please let me be that friend," Harry begged.

"Why, so you can rat me out to Snape again?" Neville asked willing the tears away.

Severus was watching the exchange with wide eyes, Harry had been right. This conversation wasn't about getting attention. Longbottom really did try to take his own life. Severus looked around the room in alarm; he needed to speak to Albus now!

"Long—Neville, let me see your wand child," Severus said holding his hand out.

"Why do you need it?" Neville asked tiredly. Leave it to Snape the minute Harry dies, to call him the next attention seeking brat.

"I need to see something, give it to me now. Unless you want to be scrubbing cauldrons for the next 3 days and I'll still get your wand," Severus threatened.

Neville glared at the man's chest before handing over his wand. He watched curiously as the mad preformed a charm over it, one he was unfamiliar with. Neville however wasn't going to ask what it was though.

"Longbottom, can I trust you not to try to hurt yourself again?" Severus asked in a tone he had never used with this particular boy.

Neville said nothing, for one he was shocked and two, he couldn't promise something because he knew without a doubt that he would try again. What was the point to his life at all? What was his purpose? He would rather die, then to be tormented everyday for the rest of his life. He wasn't strong, and he could admit that. Why couldn't they see that?

"Neville's in a bad way Professor, you can't send him away just yet," Harry said turning to look at the man in shock.

"I wasn't Emerson; I just need to speak to Albus about this new development. The healers have got to come sooner, rather than later." He said quickly.

"Can Neville stay here with me today?" Harry asked after a moment.

"He can," Severus said looking at both boys before making his way to his fireplace.

"Who do you think you are? What gives you the right to think that you can just come in here and ruin my life?" Neville said angrily the minute Snape left the room.

Harry stared back at the boy silently but didn't say anything. What could he say honestly?

"What are you getting out of this? Just so you know, no one actually cares what happens to me," Neville said his voice breaking on the last sentence as he knew it was true.

"I care, how many times do I have to say that?" Harry asked softly.

"Until you actually mean it," he replied tiredly. Just as quick as his anger came it was suddenly gone.

"I mean it, but you don't want me too. You think you aren't worth it, that if you suddenly disappeared no one would notice that you've left. Trust me when I say that they will see, the moment you're gone, they will know." Harry said quietly.

"You talk as if you know what I'm going through," Neville said with a shake of his head.

"That's because I do," Harry whispered.

~*~*~*~Abandoned Corridor~*~*~*~*~

Ron looked up at the blonde boy, not having the strength to even fight, let alone the will to grab his wand. He was so drained.

"I said I was sorry for bumping into you," Ron said trying to make his way around the blonde.

He was grieving as he could see this stupid rivalry thing that they had going on, was pointless. Harry was gone, there was no fight left in him at the moment.

"I don't care for your stupid apology Weasel," Draco said brandishing his own wand in his hand.

He wanted a fight, this guilt was becoming too heavy and he needed to duel someone. Weasely always seemed to want to curse him, so this was brilliant. They were also on a floor of the castle where no one seemed to be around. This was the perfect setting for a duel.

"Shut up ferret, just leave me alone," Ron replied, no fight in his voice.

Draco frowned this was not how it was supposed to go. Why wasn't the redhead pointing his wand at him? Why wasn't he getting mad?

"What's the matter Weasel? Too weak to fight me now that Potter is dead? I wonder why he killed himself, is it because he was tired of being friends who was too poor to even own proper school robes," Draco spewed out venomously.

He surprised his own self, but he wanted to share his hurt, and this was the only way he knew how. A part of him was cautioning him not to push the other boy too far, but he didn't care at that point. He wanted a fight, and he would get one, no matter the consequences.

"How dare you?" Ron yelled out in shock, the hurt so pronounced in his own voice he could hear it himself.

He wasn't mad that the blond boy had called him poor that was nothing new, and he was frankly getting used to it.

"What did I strike a nerve weasel? It's true, Potter went and offed himself," Draco taunted.  
"Fuck you Malfoy," Ron said throwing a stunner at the snake.

He was pissed beyond belief that the jerk would taunt him about Harry's death. What kind of person does that? He was furious and his face showed it. Never mind that the tears were pouring from his eyes, his eyes were only on the blonde. He angrily swiped his eyes as they continued to come, he didn't care that he looked a sight. The only thing he was focused on was getting the other boy, and making him regret his words. He didn't particularly care about whether the blonde boy would be ok after this. The Weasely temper was notorious; his mum had made sure of that.

Draco grinned before the spells were suddenly flying, the adrenaline coursing through his body as one barely missed him.

"Is that all you got Weasel? Potter was more of a challenge, but since he's dead, I only have you to duel with." Draco said evilly, ignoring the guilt in his stomach in favor of throwing another spell.

Ron's eyes narrowed, his temper getting away from him before throwing 3 spells back to back. Another stunner, the jelly legs jinx and the Hair loss curse. Only the last one stuck and for that Ron was glad. He had put a lot of power into that one, and no amount of finite incantem would bring back Malfoy's hair. He smirked at the bald boy across from him who was feeling his head in horror.

"Hey baldy," Ron taunted easily.

"What the fuck Weasel?" Draco screamed before throwing a cutting curse at the other boy, who dodged it, but barely.

"Is that all you've got," Ron said before throwing an immobilus at the teen, who moved out the way.

"You wish," Draco sneered before throwing a blasting curse along with another cutting curse.

Ron's eyes widened as he dodged the blasting curse, but was unable to put up a shield as the cutting curse hit him. He gasped out loud as it hit him in the stomach. He was immediately aware of pain and warmth coming from torso. He looked down to see the blood, and glared at the blonde who was smirking as he looked over him, his wand poised and ready to attack again.

"Langlock," Ron yelled loudly as he pointed his wand at Draco. He thanked Harry for letting him see the Prince's spell book and was rewarded when the blonde's tongue was glued to the roof of his mouth.

Draco's eyes widened fearfully as he found himself unable to say or do anything. He mumbled loudly trying to yell finite, but nothing happened. He looked around frantically but of course no one was there.

"Petrificus Totalus," Ron calmly yelled and was awarded when the boy fell down like a sack of bricks.

He slowly stood up, his stomach bleeding freely, as he limped over to where the blonde boy was staring at him fearfully from his frozen state. He pointed his wand at him, and just stared.

"This is where you wish that Harry was still here." Ron said coldly, the blood on him making him looked even more dangerous.

Draco didn't know what to do, there wasn't much he could. He knew it as did the red head that he was at the lion's mercy. This was nobody's fault but his own, he had asked for a fight. The only thing was he hadn't expected it to turn out this way, and it shown all in his eyes.

"Harry as you know didn't kill you because Snape asked him not too. He spared you're life and in return you taunt me, his best friend with it." Ron said his eyes narrowing in disbelief.

"I bet you're thinking this can't be Weasel, because I have never gotten the upper hand without Harry. That is where you are wrong Malfoy," Ron said conversationally before bending down and placing his wand tip on the blonde's head.

"What's to stop me from killing you right now?"

Draco Malfoy's eyes widened further and he felt himself lose control of his bladder, as he stared fearfully at the lion. He had never expected the red-head to have it in him. He knew that Granger was the voice of reason and Potter was the leader, but what was Weasely?

Ron wasn't a killer, and he had no intention of starting now. He stared at the blonde boy with an expression that one could only decipher as pity with a hint of disgust.

"I feel sorry for you; you still don't have a clue about what you did, the part you played in this tragedy. We are all at fault here Draco Malfoy, the only difference is some of us will own up to it," Ron said shaking his head in disbelief, before standing up. He wasn't wasting any more time here with the boy who really didn't get it.

"Good look getting out of that," Ron said before hobbling away to the infirmary which was the last place he wanted to be.

Draco laid there on the floor, unable to move as his cold pants reminded him of his shameful deed. He still couldn't move, but that didn't stop the tears from flowing silently down his face. He hoped someone would come for him, but they were in a corridor that not many people went, and that didn't bode well for him. He closed his tearful eyes, hoping that the spell would wear off soon.

~*~*~the lake~*~*~*~

Hermione was leaning her head on Blaise's shoulder, trying to make sense of everything for the moment. She didn't feel like talking and he knew that, as he had pulled a book from his robes and unshrunk it so he could read. She couldn't handle the silence today though, why did it feel so loud today? Was it because she was now hiding a secret? What would Ron think when he found out what she had done to herself?

What about Harry—she stilled as she remembered. Harry was dead, so he wouldn't care now would he. She sighed softly unable to stop her hand from running up her sleeves to press on the freshly made scratches.

Blaise raised an eyebrow in question as he looked up from his book, to look at Hermione. What was she doing? He could see her hand pressing on her sleeve or something? He frowned before turning back to his book, keeping an eye on her as he read.

Hermione was in her own world, as she felt the pain in her arms. This is all she wanted, all she needed; this kept her emotions in check. Why would Blaise not want her to do this? She frowned, she liked being in control, it gave her a sense of calm. She couldn't control how she felt, as she grieved, but cutting her arm did and she couldn't see herself making it without doing this.

"Mione what are you doing?" Blaise asked, unable to stem his curiosity. What was so important under her sleeve?

"What do you mean?" She asked, dropping her hands immediately.

"What are you hiding under there?" He teased as he set his book down.

"Nothing, I was just bored," she said quickly as she looked at him. She looked down after a moment, unable to keep lying to his face, not after all he was doing for her. Would he leave if he found out she wasn't as strong as he thought?

"If you're sure," Blaise asked carefully. There was alarm bells going off in his heads, but she hadn't given him a reason to doubt her so he wouldn't start now.

Hermione nodded, because she couldn't speak without her voice cracking. Of course she wasn't sure, why didn't he look deeper? Why couldn't he see that all was not well? Why did she hide it from him so, but wished that he would find out? How much of a contradiction was she?

"Blaise, do you think I'm crazy?" Hermione asked softly.

"Never Mione, you're the furthest thing from it," Blaise said confidently as he hugged her tight.

Hermione had to wonder about that though. She hurt herself, and granted he didn't know that but still. If she, who harmed herself, was the furthest thing from crazy, then what did that mean for everyone else?

"I'm sorry Blaise," Hermione said quietly.

"You haven't done anything love, you're fine," he said soothingly.

She closed her eyes tightly, unable to speak the words that she wanted too. He needed to know, but she knew he would be so disappointed in her, and she didn't want to let him down. She needed to be strong, to prove that she could handle it, even if she couldn't. Hermione sighed tiredly, she was tired of the lies, but what could she do? She wasn't Gryffindor material she couldn't even tell him, how much of a coward she had been.

"But I have," she insisted quietly.

Blaise opened his eyes and looked at her in confusion. "What have you done then?"

Hermione shrugged but didn't answer; she couldn't make her mouth work no matter how much she felt he should know.

"Hermione," Blaise said sitting up to look at her closely. He could see the worry lines in her face, and as a Slytherin he was on edge.

"Yes," she asked quietly.

"What did you do?" He asked in a quiet but firm tone.

"Nothing," she said chickening out. She tugged on her sleeve unconsciously, unknowingly drawing attention to it.

Blaize narrowed his eyes as he followed hers towards her sleeve. His heart clenched for a moment when he thought he saw something on her arm. He didn't say anything, what was there to say as he reached over to move her hand. He felt her stiffen instantly, and he took that a bad sign if anything. He looked at her and he could feel the shame radiating from her. He knew whatever it was that he wouldn't like it, but that didn't stop him from slowly pulling her sleeve back.

**What did you think? *throws Flamers in the bonfire***


	33. Chapter 33

**A/N-****Funny story...I got a summer job and its taking up my time lol..but not to worry, I would have posted sooner, but I accidently written chapter 34 before this one..oops lol, well here it is, enjoy and all that. The next one is longer..way longer :)**

**Chapter 33: Lesson Learned**

"Mione," Blaise breathed mournfully.

"I couldn't help it," Hermione sniffled, looking at the red lines on her arms.

"This is all my fault," he said shaking his head from side to side. He could feel the tears gather in his eyes. Why hadn't he paid close attention?

"This isn't your fault Blaise, the blame rest solely on me." She said quietly.

"I knew you were hurting, I should not have left you alone." He said firmly, his teeth clenching in his anger at himself.

"You didn't know I was going do this," she tried to point out.

"Oh but I did, I just thought you would keep your word to me." He said finally.

~*~*~*~*Abandoned Corridor~*~*~*

Draco wasn't sure how long he laid there unable to move, nor how long it took for his tears to stop falling. He was only aware of how cruel and selfish he had been. He was hurting and he wanted the other boy to share his pain. Instead Weasel had shown him up, had beaten him. He could have hurt him but he didn't, even as Draco had threw a cutting curse at him.  
He stared at the ceiling, willing the spell to break but it didn't. The other boy had put a lot of power into the spell and it showed. His eyes widened fearfully as he heard footsteps coming towards him. He didn't want to see anyone, but it wasn't like he had a choice.

"Well Draco Malfoy, you're in a bit of a bind would you say," Luna said airily as she took her wand from behind her ear.

Draco could only stare at the girl; he hadn't really participated in the bullying of her. She was too weird for him; she always seemed to know things she shouldn't have. He couldn't do anything but look at her, his eyes following her every move. They did widen however as he took in the wand in her hand, was she going to curse him too.

"Oh I'm not going to hurt you Draco, the nargles wouldn't be very happy with me if I did. They were the ones who told me that you were here, and needed help," she explained.

Draco stared at her incredulously; he didn't even need words to explain what he was thinking. This girl was insane, what the hell? He scoffed inwardly, she was useless a waste of pureblood talent, it was a wonder she didn't have any friends. Of course he didn't say that, as he couldn't speak, but apparently his expression said everything.

Luna looked at him and narrowed her eyes, her dreamy look disappearing in an instance as she looked at the cold silver eyes from the boy on the stone floor.

"Even your thoughts show no remorse for what you've done. Never mind the fact that Ronald Weasely just bested you in a duel, and has left you vulnerable on the floor. Forget the fact that his best friend killed himself, and was going to take you with him. And yet you haven't learned a single thing." Luna lectured, her brow furrowed.

When she had seen Ron limping away she had handed him a potion, so he could get to the infirmary without passing out. She had originally come over to see if the Slytherin needed any help. As she picked up his wand from down the hall, she could see that he did. That was until, she heard him. She usually didn't care, what they said about her. She had friends, not a lot but the ones that she did have mattered to her.

He hadn't learned his lesson, and though she had told Harry that he couldn't hide forever, she understood why. What she wouldn't give to go one day without being called Loony? Just because she didn't react, or outwardly show her displeasure; didn't mean that it didn't hurt. Words hurt, more than spells ever could, was Malfoy really that dense.

"This is yours, but you're not getting it back. Not until you've learned," She said quietly as she held up his wand. Placing a few anti-summoning charms on it, she banished it to her trunk.

Draco stared at her in horror, what was she going on about, and what did he need to learn?

"I'll be back for you Draco Malfoy, and by then I sure hope that you've thought about the consequences of your actions." She said, her face turning back to her dreamy state before she skipped away. True to her word she did return about 2 hours later, but Malfoy was in another state.

Draco could only stare at the ceiling as his eyes filled with his already unshed tears. He could feel them leaking out the corners of his eyes, but this time he didn't try to stop them. Was there no point to his life, if no one cared what happened to him? He closed his eyes as his memories assaulted him losing himself in every horrible thing he had ever said and done. As he went through them, Draco was unaware of everything. Of how much time had passed or that the charms had finally came undone.

He was oblivious to know that he was no longer alone. None of that mattered, as he finally wept. He cried for himself and his actions, for the sins of his father and all his classmates suffering. But most important, he cried for a black haired teen with green eyes, who had refused his friendship the first year. He cried for the boy, who didn't grow up with his parents, the one who would never have a future; who would never grow up into an adult, the boy who had spared his life. How could he be so cruel?

Luna smiled a tearful smile as she sat across the grieving teen, one hand going out to comfort him. She knew he wouldn't push her away now, not when he needed it the most.

~*~*~*Infirmary~*~*~*

Ron was breathing hard by the time he entered the hospital wing. He was thanking Luna for that blood replenishing potion; otherwise he knew he would have passed out a while back. As he staggered into the doorway, he could see his dorm mate Seamus playing chess with Theodore. He didn't react to it, what was the point. They were all in that classroom together, be wouldn't start something as trivial house rivalries.

"Ronald what the hell happened to you?" Pansy screeched out, in horror.

For a moment Ron looked up expected Hermione to be there, knowing she would ask something like that. But when he looked up to see the Slytherin he gave a half smile before answering.

"You're boyfriend didn't know how to handle his grief," he said with a wince, as Madame Pomprey soon came into the room.

"Draco did that?" She asked quietly, for conformation.

"Yup," Ron answered as he took a seat on the bed, as Madame Pomprey fussed over him.

"How did he look if you ended up like that?" Theodore asked, as he looked up from the game.

"He wasn't hurt; I petrified him and left him there." Ron explained grimacing as he swallowed some potions.

"You didn't hurt Malfoy? Are you serious Ron?" Seamus asked in disbelief. Everyone in the whole school knew about the animosity between the Weasleys and Malfoys.

"No I didn't, what would be the point? Harry would still be dead, I don't feel like fighting at the moment," He said turning away as his eyes filled with tears.

"It'll be ok, we'll get through this. And Draco will come around right?" Pansy said quietly.

"I don't know, he wasn't in the room with us, when we heard Neville's story. He doesn't get it, he's so stubborn." Theodore stressed.

"Speaking of which, Ron have you seen Neville?" Seamus asked quietly.

"No, he didn't come back until late last night; and when I woke up he was gone again." Ron said with a frown.

"You don't think he would do something stupid, do you?" Seamus finally asked.

"I don't know, I really hope not," Ron said with a heavy sigh. He didn't think he could take it if he lost another one of his friends this close to losing Harry. And from the looks of the other kids in the infirmary he didn't think they could either. Especially as they all had one thing in common. Every single one of them had made fun of Neville at one point in their lives, whether in fun or not they had still done it.

~*~*~*At the Lake~*~*~*~*

Blaise allowed himself to wallow in his guilt for 5 minutes or so, his hand on Hermione's never faltered. He didn't want to go to his head of house, not after what the man had done to him; but he didn't know where else to go. He sighed softly before looking at Hermione; she looked so worn, had it only been yesterday since Harry had died?

"Mione get up," he said gently as he stood up, pulling her with him.

"I'm sorry Blaise," she said quietly.

"I know, I'm sorry too," he said softly.

Hermione looked at him in shock, was he giving up on her? Had she truly driven him away? Could he not handle what she did?

"Relax love, you can't get rid of me that easily," he replied soothingly taking in her alarmed look.

"Then why else are we leaving? Where are we going?" She pressed tearfully.

"Do you trust me?" He asked quietly.

"Yes," she admitted softly.

"Why do you trust me?" He asked.

"Because I know you won't ever hurt me." Hermione said with conviction. Even if they barely talked before the…incident she knew in her heart that he would never bring her harm.

"Good, then I'm taking you to someone who can help," Blaise explained.

"I don't want to go to Madame Pomprey; she'll think I'm mad. I'm not crazy Blaine, I just…" She trailed off as she looked at her exposed forearm.

"I know, you're not crazy, you're hurting. You're not going to the infirmary," he promised.

"Ok but you still haven't told me where you're taking me," Hermione protested as he led her to the castle.

"That's where you just have to trust me on," Blaise said. He knew that Snape didn't like Gryffindors, and the feeling was mutual. But he also knew that his Head of house, had experience dealing with students who self harmed.

"Alright well as long as it's not Snape, I don't fancy being taunted about this." Hermione said softly.

"He wouldn't tease you, not about this. Even Snape isn't that cruel Mione," He said quietly.

Hermione gave him a long look, but didn't answer. Clearly Snape cared about certain people, Harry in particular, he had saved him every year damn it. She shook her head, but she stop resisting as he led her into the castle and towards the dungeons.

**What did you think? Flamers...go walk through quicksand :)**


	34. Chapter 34

**A/N- this is the longest chapter yet...so hope you guys like it. Harry/Sev bonding is here..and those who were wondering about Voldie...hes here too.**

**Chapter 34: Realizations**

"Professor Snape wants you to take this Neville," Harry said as soon as the man had left the room. He held up a vial with a blue liquid in it.

"What is it?" Neville asked warily.

"A potion," Harry said with a shake of his head.

"Cleary, but what kind of potion is it?" Neville said his eyes narrowing in suspicion.

"I don't know, I'm not Professor Snape. I already took mine so here is yours." Harry said pointing to an empty vial next to the full one.

"Oh," Neville said before slowly taking the vial and gulping it down. A minute later his eyes closed and he fell back against the bed.

Harry took off the boy's shoes and covered him up before nodding and leaving the room. He headed into the receiving room to find Professor Snape having a serious conversation with the Headmaster. He couldn't hear anything but he already knew what it was about. Harry had to think how many more kids were on edge like Neville. Was death truly the way out? Truth be told he knew exactly how the boy felt, he felt it every day, and sometimes he hated Snape for saving him.

Harry leaned against the doorway in the sitting room where Snape was talking to Dumbledore. He cleared his throat, garnering the attention of both men. He didn't say anything he just took a seat on a chair and waited for them to finish the conversation. It ended fairly quickly and pretty much told Harry that they were talking about him. He shrugged, he was used to it be honest.

"Where's Longbottom?" Severus asked looking around and not seeing the lion.

"He's sleeping," Harry said quietly.

"I didn't think he was tired," Severus said in concern, wondering if he should check on the boy.

"He took a potion, dreamless sleep to be exact." Harry explained.

"You drugged him?" Severus asked appalled.

"You drugged me," Harry pointed out.

"I know, but Longbottom is not you." Severus said with narrowed eyes.

"Maybe so, but you cannot deny we think alike. I needed to talk to you." Harry said with a frown.

"What about? How did you come across Longbottom?" He asked.

"That has to do with why I have to talk to you," Harry said with a sigh.

Severus took a seat across from the boy and ordered some tea. This discussion he knew was going to be stressful, as if he didn't have enough of that.

"Did you let someone else know about you-know-what?" Severus couldn't help but ask.

"No but someone does in fact know. But I didn't tell her," Harry said quickly.

"Granger knows?" Severus asked in a horrified tone, his face blank.

"No, Luna does," Harry replied.

Severus frowned, before blanking his face again. He really wasn't surprised, Ms. Lovegood tended to know things that she had no business knowing. He knew that firsthand, and there really was nothing he good to do about that. At least he could count on her discretion, and add to the fact that everyone thought she was loony.

He listened to Harry as he explained his encounter with Luna and then coming to find the Longbottom boy just a word away from ending his life. Severus had never felt more old than he did at that moment. The weight on his chest was heavy, he hated the fact that so many children were suffering. Why would they think that death was the only way out?

"The headmaster is contacting St. Mungo's," Severus explained.

"For the healers, so we can talk about it." Harry asked with a frown.

"Everyone but you, I will find you a muggle one this week." Severus said quietly.

"Can I tell Neville about me?" Harry asked out of the blue.

"No, absolutely not! Are you out of your mind Mr. Potter?" Severus hissed before throwing up a privacy spell, just in case the other boy had woken up.

"It was only a suggestion, and I'm not Harry anymore." Harry said angrily.

"Why would you even ask that? Too many people know as it is," Severus reasoned.

"I just didn't want Neville to hurt anymore," Harry said meekly.

"That was a stupid idea, who is to say that he will not react the way Black and Lupin have?" Severus asked pointedly.

Harry's face glazed over as he remembered the confrontation between his godfather and Remus. He knew they wanted to talk to him, but he couldn't bring it in him to care. He was so angry about how they treated him. What gave them the right to judge him? He was supposed to be family was he not?

"Neville's different," Harry said quietly.

"How do you know that?"

"Because he is, he was there for me. I was so selfish to leave him, how could I do that to him? How could I think that it would be ok? I knew how he was feeling, why did I leave him alone?" Harry asked, as the grief of what he did that day start to catch up to him.

Severus watched the boy across from him start to fall apart; he knew that the child was no longer asking him questions. He was now questioning himself, and Severus could see him breaking apart at the seams.

"Emerson?" He asked quietly.

"No, just let me alone." Harry said shaking his head from side to side.

"I won't so don't bother trying to push me away," Severus said sternly.

"I'm so selfish, how could I be like that? What have I done?" Harry asked his tone horrified as he thought of everyone suffering at the moment.

"You didn't do anything, but choose what you wanted. For the first time in your life, you decided something for you. Granted it wasn't the best choice but it was yours nonetheless." Severus said softly.

"Why would you save me? How could you? Why didn't you let me die?" Harry asked as he stood up angrily one hand on his chest as he felt like his heart might just break.

"Because I promised your mother that I would protect you anyway I could." Severus replied kindly.

"You don't know when to leave well enough alone. I didn't want to be bloody saved, why couldn't you see that? Why would you make me stay here and allow me to see my mistakes? I bet this was your plan all along right? You wanted old Potter to suffer right, I hate you. How could you do this to me? I didn't want to live anymore," Harry said, his eyes filled with tears he stubbornly refused to let fall.

"You don't mean that Emerson," Severus said standing up as well.

"If I didn't mean it I wouldn't have said it." Harry said tightly before shaking his head once and falling to one knee.

"I wish you didn't mean it," Severus said quietly.

"I wish I had died, too bad wishes don't come true," Harry said sarcastically before burying his head in his hands as his tears finally fell.

"What's so happy about death that intrigues you so?" Severus asked firmly.

"My parents, I want that unconditional love that they would give me. I don't have it here, never had. I just wanted for a moment to feel loved, for me not for who I was. Not because I was the orphan boy, or the chosen one. I just wanted to be loved for just me, just Harry." Harry replied as his tears silently fell down his face.

Severus was not an expressive man; he knew that as did everyone around him. The child on the floor however, didn't care about that. The boy was hurting, and had feelings of being unwanted. How many times had he wished for the same thing? How many days did he pretend that he had a loving family? How many dreams did he have where his mother hadn't died?

And lastly how many times had he contemplated that his life wasn't worth it? What he wouldn't give to have someone like Harry had right now? Even if the child didn't know, he had his dogfather and the werewolf and Albus. But most importantly he had Severus who would show him; even if he had to die proving it that the boy was worth something.

"You are loved for just you, silly child." Severus said softly.

"No I'm not," Harry said stubbornly as he turned his tear-filled green orbs to his teachers.

"Yes you are," Severus repeated.

"Who then huh? Surely you don't mean Sirius and Remus, newsflash they fucking hate me," Harry said his face scrunching up as more tears fell.

"They don't hate you," Severus said calmly, having to force himself to stop from snapping at the boy for his atrocious language. It was a force of habit, but he wouldn't hurt the boy any longer at least not intentionally.

"Well they sure acted like it," Harry said tiredly.

"They were in shock I assure you," he replied simply.

"I hate them; I hate them for making me feel guilty. Don't they know how much I went through? Why am I the only one not allowed to be selfish? Why does everyone expect me to save them? Why in the hell would think I want to save the ones who turn on me? Would you Professor, would you save them? I hate them all," Harry said no longer talking about his godfather, now in reference to the wizarding world.

"Hate is a strong emotion Harry, hate gives way for anger to fester. It's unhealthy for you to hate child," Severus explained.

"Why not? You hate, and you're just fine," Harry said his chin jutting out defiantly.

"Example right there, I am not fine. Because of my hate, I now live a dangerous life; I don't need to tell you what it is; because I'm sure you know." Severus said quietly.

Harry deflated at that, hearing those words. He could see the man's reasoning, but he wasn't ready to admit that yet. He balled his fists together; anger was easier to deal with then pain.

"None of that," Severus said softly, taking his hands and unclenching the fists.

"I'm just so…so…" Harry was so frustrated he didn't know what he was feeling. He was so tired, of this of everything he could scream.

"I know child, trust me I do know." Severus said soothingly.

"Make it go away, make it all gone." Harry said his tone suddenly changing to a pleading tone, making him sound a lot younger.

"If I could, you know I would." Severus said honestly, feeling horrible that he couldn't do a thing about it.

Severus reached for the boy and set him on his feet, looking at him closely. He could see the emotions running through those emerald eyes, and his own heart clenched as they looked back at him in confusion. He could literally feel the hurt coming off the child; no child should feel like Harry had made to feel. To know that he had aided in the way of the child breaking down, didn't settle well with Severus. He found himself frowning as moments throughout the years of him unfairly scolding or yelling at the boy just because he could; popped into his head. He could see every fault he had ever done to the boy. He shook his head angrily, why hadn't anyone ever stopped him? How could he be so cruel to a child, to Lily's child? What gave him the right to do that?

"I'm so sorry Harry," Severus said the words surprising even him.

"But you didn't do anything," Harry said in confusion.

"I did Harry, I did more then I knew. I am so sorry child," Severus said tugging the boy closer to him.

"Professor?" Harry whispered as he was pulled into the man's chest.

He found his arms unconsciously circling the man's waist, his head hearing the man's heart beating. Harry found his barriers starting to waver as he relished in the hug. This was so much different than any other hug he had before. Remus's hugs were careful as the man was afraid to hurt him, Sirius's were carefree, and Mrs. Weasleys was soft and affectionate.

Snape's was different, had he ever felt this safe before in his life? He swallowed repeatedly to stop the lump that had suddenly reappeared in his throat. He would not cry on the man, just because he was hugging him. As his resolve weakened, Harry found himself unable to prevent the tears. He had never felt this type of love before, this had to be love right? He wasn't about to ask the man, but he was content where he was.

He sniffled in the man's shirt, trying to pull away. He didn't want to seem like a cry baby. As he pulled his head back, he felt a warm hand rest on it, keeping him close and closed his eyes and envisioned this was his father holding him. He smiled in spite of his tears hugging the man as tight as he could, as he silently wet.

"You don't always have to be so strong Harry," Severus choked out, struggling to keep his own emotions in check.

"I'm the boy-who-lived," Harry whimpered out.

"Yes, but you are still just a boy, it's alright to ask for help." Severus continued softly.

"I don't know how," Harry said through his tears.

"I will show you," he replied gently.

Harry nodded into Snape's chest, unable to make himself move now. He felt the man shifting and he grabbed him tightly; just in case he was about to get pulled off of him.

"Relax you foolish child," Severus said fondly as he adjusted them into a more comfortable position.

Sitting on the sofa was no easy feat, considering he had a 15 year old nestled in his torso and had no inclination to move. Somehow he was able to get them seated and in place, with Harry's head now resting on his side. He looked down at the silent boy, who wasn't really crying anymore. He accioed his book and opened it, one hand carding its way through the messy black hair.

They sat on the sofa for a while, Severus wasn't aware of the time, and he didn't care. He was vaguely aware that Harry had fallen asleep within the first hour or so. He moved him so his head was resting comfortably on his lap, as he drank his tea. Now he had time to think what he was supposed to do, with the two boys in his quarters. They were far from being healed and truth be told, he didn't trust Longbottom not to try and hurt himself again. Just because he spelled his wand didn't comfort him at all, there were other ways to end your life.

He would have to speak to Minerva to see how Granger and Weasely were doing considering they were the best friends of Harry. He needed to know how they were coping; he hadn't had a chance to see how his Slytherins were fairing besides Pansy and Theodore. Draco he knew was changing before his eyes, he just wasn't sure that all of it was because of what happened. The short moments he had seen the blonde Slytherin, he could see something stirring in the silver eyes.

He didn't know what they were, but he knew that it wasn't good. He knew that Draco wouldn't kill himself, but he didn't put it pass him to start something. People dealt with grief differently, which reminded him that he would have to check on a few of his Slytherins who many had deemed heartless. He knew they were the furthest from it; they were the ones that worried him the most. The ones he had to look out for the most; with their self destructive behavior that any grave situation could trigger; and he had to be on the lookout.

He wondered if Minerva had any Gryffindors that dealt with self harmers, he would bring that to Minerva's attention during the talk. He didn't actually think that the lions were capable of it, but after realizing a few things he knew it possible. Harry Potter, Gryffindor golden boy, shot a teacher and himself, Neville Longbottom, prodigy of Herbology, tried to kill himself. He knew Weasely was hotheaded and Granger tended to be level headed but that didn't reassure him at all. The red-head would probably lash out, and he knew he would have to keep an eye on both him and Draco. It would be disastrous if they were to fight.

He had heard in their 3rd year that Granger had given Draco a shiner that he himself would be proud of. He would think that she would fight, but something in him was saying no. She was a quiet one, and everyone knew that before Hogwarts she had struggled being an outsider. She knew how Harry and Neville both felt, he couldn't put it pass her that she wouldn't hurt herself. He couldn't shake the feeling that he was right, and he hoped for once that he was wrong.

He looked down at the boy in his lap and though he couldn't do anything now, he would see at lunch. He went through various students in both houses, who he thought was at risk and he frowned as he thought of Blaise. The boy felt betrayed by him, what did that mean? When you were hurting you did stupid things, he could agree with that. He had to think, was the Zabini family dark or light or neutral?

He would have to talk to him as well, he had so much to do and he still had to approve the healers who were coming that day. He didn't trust Albus fully, how could the man be all knowing and still not see that Harry was breaking before his eyes. He was still deep in his thoughts when he felt a stinging pain in his left arm, which had him flinching. And he moved to stand up forgetting that Harry was laying on him. The boy fell to the floor and looked at him in wide eyes, filled with fear.

"I am so sorry Emerson; I had forgotten that you were on me." Severus said tightly as the pain in his arm got worse.

"That's ok sir," Harry said yawning as he stood up and crawled back on the sofa, leaning his head on the man's shoulder. He was still tired, and Snape was comfortable.

"Lean on the couch for me for a moment," Severus said gently, trying to maneuver him.

"Why can't I lean on you like before?" Harry asked in confusion.

"Because I'm getting ready to leave," Severus said tensely as his mark burned even more. He only had a few more minutes before he was late for the meeting.

"Where are you going? Are you gonna come back?" Harry asked as he sat up to look at his Professor with blearily eyes.

Severus ignored him in favor of accioing his robes and mask, making sure they were rolled up together. He ran into his lab to grab the potion he was brewing for the Dark Lord and grabbed it, just in case he wanted to see the progress he had made on it. When he ran back into the sitting room, Harry was standing there in front of him, looking hurt. He picked up the book from the floor and turned to put it back on the shelf, it wouldn't do for Harry to pick up this particular one.

"Professor, are you angry with me?" Harry asked softly, the man hadn't said two words to him since telling him he was leaving. Had Harry offended him or something?

Severus opened his mouth to answer that he wasn't when a searing pain went through his arm. He hissed in pain his book falling to the floor as he turned to Harry. His time was up!

"Stay here don't leave. If you need help floo Albus," Severus said as he grabbed his robe and mask in his hands.  
"Professor Wait; you're not mad at what I did right?" Harry asked again, he was worried about the man not coming back. What if Voldermort slipped through his barriers.  
"Emerson I don't have time for this; I'll be back as soon as I can." Severus said before running out his quarters and towards the anti-disapparation wards so he could apparate.

He couldn't know that Harry had misinterpreted his words and only heard I don't have time for you right now; and wasn't in the right state of mind to be alone. One outside the boundary line he disappeared on the spot. He quickly dressed before making his way towards the house. He met Lucius by the door and he nodded before going into the throne room where the Dark Lord was waiting.

"My Lord," he said kissing the bottom of the man's robes. This was so degrading but Severus clouded those feelings away.

"You're late Severus," he said coldly.

"Apologies My Lord, but I was in class and I couldn't leave without breaking my cover." Severus said lying swiftly.  
"Rise Severus," Voldemort said, before removing his mask from his face.

Severus made sure his emotions and thought were hidden as he felt a presence invade his mind. He showed the man the class where the incident took place along with Harry's death and Emerson and how everyone was taking it before the Dark Lord exited.

"Why didn't you inform me of Potter's death Severus? Aren't you faithful to me?" Voldemort asked quietly.  
"Yes my Lord, there is you and only you. I couldn't tell you because Dumbledore had been keeping a close eye on me and I couldn't leave." Severus said apologetically.  
"Lucius tells me his son was in the class when Potter killed himself. Was that correct?" He asked.  
"It is my lord, only Draco was passed out the majority of the time." Severus said quietly.  
"Why was he passed out?" Voldermort asked curiously.  
"Potter had threatened to kill him, my Lord." Severus replied, remembering the fear all too well. To his left he could hear a choking noise, that he could only assume was Lucius.  
"I see, and why have you not informed me of your relation Severus. Are you trying to hide him from me?" Voldemort asked in a dark, dangerous tone.  
"My Lord?" He asked cautiously.  
"Your nephew Severus, Emerson, I wish to meet him," he said taking out his wand.  
"But my Lord Dumbledore will know if I take him out of school and will be suspicious." Severus said quickly, this was bad. What could Voldemort possibly want to do with Emerson?

"Find a way Severus," Voldemort said dismissively.  
"Yes my lord," he replied.  
"Now about Potter being dead; the prophecy I'm looking for no longer matters. Though I am curious to see how everyone is taking it." Voldemort stated interestedly.

"Of course my lord, I will keep you informed." Severus said quietly.

"Make sure that you do Severus, now hurry back before that old muggle loving fool wonders where you've gone." Voldemort said dismissing him.

"Yes my Lord," Severus said before bowing slightly and making his way quickly to the door. He had almost reached it when he heard his voice and his insides froze up.

"And Severus?" Voldemort said with a gleam in his eye.

"My Lord?" He asked quietly.

"Crucio," he said wand pointed at the potion's master.

Severus fell to the ground in pain, the curse making its way through his body. No matter what he would not, give the man the satisfaction of hearing him scream; for he was a proud man.

~*~*~*~*Hogwarts~*~*~*~*

Harry was pulling on his hair anxiously, that sense of calm he had after his nap non-existent at the moment. He didn't know what to do, he was too keyed up. What if something happened to Snape? He was so worried, he was beside himself. He wanted to leave but as Snape had said not too his didn't want to disobey the potion's master. He frowned, looking at the time, they had missed lunch and he wondered if Neville was still sleeping.

As he was walking over to his bedroom he heard a knock on the front door, before the portrait was calling him and telling him who was at the door. He gulped before slowly making his way over there, but not before spelling a silencing charm around his room. He didn't want to wake up Neville, nor have him hear something that would endanger him. He took a deep breath and opened the door, to let in his godfather and Remus in.

**What did you think? Flamers...go away**


	35. Chapter 35

**A/N-I know the longest update ever...oops..I work at a place that caters to kids and its hectic, so by the time I get off work at 11pm..I'm soo tired, I dont have the strength to type anything. Not to mention, I have to go to work happy so I cannot write this before work, I always end up crying over the keyboard lol This one is 13 pages, so I hope it makes up for that long wait.**

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Chapter 35: What it's Worth

Harry took a breath as he opened the door, staring at his godfather and Remus in horror. Snape wasn't here, and he didn't want to mess things up again, but he didn't know what to do.

"What do you want?" He said quietly.

"To talk to you, we might have said some things before that we didn't mean," Remus said carefully.

Harry narrowed his eyes, he had been hurt by so many people, it was so much easier to hold onto the anger, then to forgive them. When you forgave them, it gave them the power back to hurt you again if they choose to do so.

"Harry if you'll just let us explain," Sirius said softly.

"First off learn my name, Harry died and with any luck he'll stay dead. My name is Emerson, if you want to talk to me, you will address me as such," he said quietly.

"Sorry Emerson, but may we finish this discussion inside?" Remus interjected.

"What discussion?" Harry asked casually.

"This one, I know you don't want to talk to us, but you need to hear this," Remus said.

"You don't know what I need. What I need is for you too to leave me the hell alone, I don't want to talk to you," Harry retorted.

"Has Snape been brainwashing you? What do you mean you don't want to talk to us?" Sirius asked in shock.

"This has nothing to do with Snape, but has everything to do with me." Harry replied tiredly. They just didn't get it, why should he have to explain it to them, were they his shrink?

"Can we just talk for a little bit Harry?" Remus asked once again as if Harry didn't understand the first time.

"Fine," Harry grumbled letting them inside the apartment.

"Where's Snivellous?" Sirius asked cheerfully as he looked around.

Harry glared at him darkly, but he didn't dignify that with a response. He knew they were wondering what the matter with him was, but he also knew they wouldn't get it. He was no longer Harry Potter; the boy really did die that morning in the infirmary. He was a new person, someone he would have been if he hadn't had the weight of the world on his shoulders.

Was it his fault he relished in the security of being plain? He didn't want to go back to being Harry Potter, and he knew he couldn't help them. They wanted him to be something he wasn't, why couldn't they see that what they wanted wasn't going to help him? Didn't they get that being Harry Potter nearly shattered him? He knew in his heart that he wasn't completely fixed, he was cracked all around.

Harry took a seat in Snape's chair, trying to get comfort in any form he could as he stared warily at his godfather.

"Ok Harry let's talk," Sirius started off.

Harry twitched his jaw clenching as he tried to occlude the feeling of anger away. That name was grating on his nerves. He spelled a privacy charm around them, he knew Neville would be out for the next few hours but as he had learned Slytherins were suspicious people.

"What do you want to talk about?" Harry asked quietly.

"Why did you try to kill yourself?" Remus asked softly.

~*~*~*~Dungeons~*~*~*~

"What if he pushes me away?" Hermione asked quietly in the chill of the dungeons. She knew they were in Slytherin territory but the knowledge didn't frighten her. She knew Blaise would protect her, not that she needed protection. She sighed; she did need protection, but only from herself. Her arms were starting to itch a bit the further they got into the dungeons, and she wasn't sure if they were healing or if they meant something else again.

"He won't," Blaize said confidently. And he knew it was the truth, he was digging deep to try to forgive the man so he could help Mione, because he didn't think he could do it alone. How did he not notice what was going on? He should have recognized the signs, he was familiar with it. A few of his friends had dealt with similar issues in the past, he should have known, and he was frustrated at himself for not seeing it.

"You can't know that, he can be very cruel," She murmured sadly.

"I know that," he answered. "But try not to let that get to you,"

"I can't help it; I don't have very thick skin. Words do hurt you know," she said quietly.

"I know they do Mione," he replied softly.

"They sometimes hurt worse than physical hits. People don't think about the horrible things they say, but sometimes I just wish I was deaf." She admitted, the tears falling freely down her face.

"Why do you wish that?" He asked tenderly.

"So I wouldn't have to hear every cruel and heartless thing they say about me. Just because I don't react all the time, doesn't mean it doesn't get to me. It hurts inside here," she replied placing her hand over her heart.

"I'm sorry," he whispered regretfully. He didn't know what to say.

"It's ok; I'm just tired of feeling not good enough. Like I'm lesser then other people, sometimes I wish I didn't have magic, but then I remember muggle kids are just as cruel. I'm a loser in both worlds, and all because I love to learn," she confessed, he heart feeling more torn then she had ever felt.

"Oh Mione," he murmured before turning around to hug her tightly.

"I don't try to show off; I just want them to know that I'm not lower than them. I'm not stupid and being a muggleborn doesn't make me lesser than everyone else. I have fucking feelings," she nearly screamed out tearfully as she cried into his shoulder.

"I know Mione, I do know that I've seen," he repeated over and over again.

"Then why can't they?" She sobbed out softly.

~*~*~*Abandoned Corridor~*~*~*~

Draco shook his head brokenly as he cried into his knees. He could feel a hand on his shoulder, but he wasn't sure who was there exactly. Who was witnessing his shame? Strangely he could careless at the moment; his heart was hurting something fierce.

"Now do you see Draco Malfoy?" Luna whispered softly as she rubbed his back.

Draco flinched at the voice, but he found himself nodding that he did get it. The whole school was out of sorts, and here he was making it worse. How could he say something like that? What if he had lost one of his best friends and Weasely had said something similar? He would have felt awful, how could he be so mean? Why? He didn't have a reason, he couldn't explain it.

"I see," he whispered mournfully. "I'm sorry for what's it worth," he replied quietly. He felt lower then dirt at that point in time. He was starting to see that they were all magical beings, and you cannot choose who you were born into.

"I know you are, and its worth a lot more then you think," she replied just as soft.

Draco cautiously rested his head on her shoulder, his tears never letting up. He wasn't sobbing but the steady flow of tears never faltered. He felt so worn out, but at the same time a bit free. What did this mean? He was happy she was there for him, but he found himself longing for something more. He wanted the comfort that Emerson had provided Granger, but would Luna give him that. Did she think he deserved it? Did he deserve to heal, wasn't this all his fault in the first place?

"You're not fully to blame Draco, it's a number of people who share that role," Luna said cutting into his depressing thoughts.

"Are you a mind reader?" He blurted out, before flushing in embarrassment.

"I can be, but you're thoughts are just very loud at the moment." She answered turning to look him in the eye.

Draco looked down, unable to keep her gaze. She looked like she could see into his soul, he felt ashamed and dirty. He didn't want her to see that, he felt so exposed.

"You deserve comfort Draco, just like everyone else. All you have to do is ask," she murmured softly.

"How do I do that?" He asked quietly, his vulnerability showing.

"It's different for everyone," she replied airily.

"That doesn't help me at all," he whimpered out, bending his head back down.

"Would you like a hug Draco?" She whispered, when it seemed he wouldn't speak up.

He couldn't answer, but he didn't need to. His face said it all, and she turned her body and hugged him. She felt his arm around her and they held her tightly. She wasn't surprised at his grip, but she was surprised at his cries in her shoulder. Her robes were getting wet, but she allowed it, knowing he needed this.

"I'm sorry Luna, I'm sorry Harry, I'm sorry Ron," Draco sobbed out. "I'm just so sorry," he wailed out.

"I know, I know," she said soothingly.

~*~*~*Hogwarts~*~*~*

Severus limped through the doors of the castle, his whole body on fire. He quickly banished his robes and mask to his bedroom, and straighten up his teaching robe. He was trying to see if there was any way to get around the Dark Lord, he didn't want to bring Emerson to him. What could the man possibly want? He shook away the horrific thought of the man finding out that Harry wasn't dead and headed to the Albus's office to give his report.

He tiredly climbed the steps, holding onto the railing for dear life. He felt like his legs would give out any moment, and the last place he wanted to be was in the infirmary. For one, Harry needed him and two, Poppy hovered.

"Come in Severus," Albus said wearily. He hated it when Severus came back from a meeting, but as much as he wanted the man to quite spying they needed every advantage they could get.

"Albus," Severus said as a greeting before he slowly sat down in the chair.

"Tea," Albus murmured handing him a cup.

Severus put the cup down, his hands shaking too much to hold it; much less drink it. He grimaced before taking a pepper up potion, this should give him enough strength to get to his lab and get the correct potions he needed.

"Let's get this over with, you should have gone to your quarters first," Albus said frowning. He hated the cruciatus curse with a passion, but Tom was known to use that one practically every time.

"My job first," Severus replied before launching into the rundown of the meeting.

Albus didn't agree, but he listened in, his thoughts getting bleak.

"He wants to meet Emerson?" Albus asked to clarify it.

"Yes, how do we get out of that?" Severus asked tightly.

"We don't, that would make him suspicious." Albus said rubbing his chin, as he started to think of a plan.

"What do you mean?" Severus asked cautiously.

"Have Emerson meet him," Albus said simply.

"Are you out of your mind old man? In case you haven't remembered Emerson is you know who," Severus hissed out.

"I'm quite aware of who he is Severus, but just think about this," Albus said lightly.

"No I will not allow him to be in harm's way again, what would this do to him? What could you hope to possibly gain from this? He's not even well; he's barely hanging on as it is. This could break him," Severus said shaking his head no.

"We'll see, when are you supposed to bring him?" Albus asked, continuing on as if he didn't even hear Severus speak.

"In a few days," Severus replied tiredly.

"I have plan, trust me Severus," Albus replied quietly.

Severus shook his head in denial, this could only end badly. This plan wasn't going to work and he didn't want to lose Harry. He had felt a bit of that pain earlier this week, and he had no desire to relieve it, this time for good.

"If that is all, I will retire to my quarters," Severus said wearily as he stood up with a wince.

"Of course Severus, feel free to floo," Albus said handing him the powder.

"Thank you Albus," Severus said grabbing some and heading to the fireplace.

~*~*~*Dungeons~*~*~*~

Blaise allowed her to cry for a while before he finally picked her up. He sighed softly, as he carried her to his Head of house's chambers.

"It'll me ok Mione, you'll see," he promised as he stood in front of the portrait. Knocking on it, he rubbed her back, as her cries turned into sniffles.

"How do know?" She asked hoarsely.

"Because it can only go up from here," he replied quietly.

~*~*~Snape's Quarters~*~*~

"Because I couldn't face life anymore, it got too hard. It was too much pressure for just one person, everyone just refused to see it." Harry replied with a shake of his head.

"What do you mean? What was too much pressure, the attention?" Remus asked in confusion.

"Yes and the constantly being told I'm a liar, and the fact that everyone expected me to save them. I'm only 15 years old," Harry replied wearily.

"The attention was annoying you?" Sirius said in disbelief. "James would have relished in it, he would have thought of it like his own show." He replied proudly, he himself wouldn't have minded it either.

"I'm not James," Harry replied quietly. "Never was, and never will be," he murmured.

"I wasn't saying you were James," Sirius replied defensively.

"Yes you were, that's all you see sometimes. But that's ok, I can deal with being second best, I've never known any better," he replied tiredly before standing suddenly as he heard the floo.

"Emerson what is…what are they doing here?" Severus asked as he landed in his chambers.

Severus stared hard at the Gryffindors sat in his quarters of all places. What was going on? When he had left Harry had seen a bit more rested and now he was looking harried. What had those two morons done to him? He stared darkly at Black, he really hated the man, and he had every reason too.

"They knocked on the door, a few minutes after you left. I didn't know who they were until I opened it," Harry replied with a tired shrug.

"What's it to you Snivellous?" Sirius said with a glare of his own.

"Well you're in my quarters, so I would say this is my business as well," Severus said in a clipped tone.

Remus stood up as Sirius stood up, just in case Sirius needed to be held back if he tried to attack Snape. But before the tension could get any thicker, he heard a knock before the portrait was telling them there were two students at his door.

"Get them out of here Emerson," Severus said before walking to the front to get the door.

Harry stared at his godfather and Remus before shaking his head.

"You guys have to go," Harry said quietly.

"Why do we need to leave? We need to finish this talk," Remus said with a frown.

But Harry couldn't answer as he turned to see who was yelling in front of the flat.

~*~*~*Outside Snape's quarters~*~*~*~

"Relax Mione," Blaise repeated as he heard footsteps coming to open the door.

He had blanked his face and was holding her bridal style in his arms with her head resting on his shoulder. He took his own deep breath when the door opened in front of them, staring back at his teacher, his eyes giving away the emotion he was feeling. If Snape turned her away Blaise honestly didn't know who he could turn too. He couldn't go to McGonagall for obvious reasons and the Headmaster was basically useless to him.

"Mr. Zabini, how can I help you?" Severus asked, his eyes narrowing unconsciously as he took in the teens in front of him. He couldn't for the life of him understand why his Slytherin was carrying Granger, who he could hear sniffling softly.

"Mione… can we come in?" He asked tiredly.

"No, now is not a good time," Severus replied as he glanced behind him. He was hoping those two morons were gone.

Blaise turned his tearful eyes to the ceiling before shaking his head. "It's an emergency."

"How so, what seems to be the problem? Does this have anything to do with why you are carrying Granger?" Severus asked in a harsh tone.

He noticed the lion flinch at his tone, and that alarmed him. Though his words cut her, she had never shown such a visible reaction such as one like this. He was just barely able to hear her speak; which stilled him.

"I told you, I'm just a bloody Gryffindor. He can't help me," she hissed out.

"He can if he lets his prejudice go for one bloody minute," Blaise said staring at Snape right in the eye. He could see the man's anger in those dark eyes, but he wasn't afraid of him in that moment. Mostly he was afraid of Hermione doing something worse to herself because Snape wouldn't help her in the first place.

"What is it that I need to help you with Granger? I highly doubt it's a homework assignment. If this about that A I gave you, you deserved it, I asked for 5 uses of phoenix tears not as many as you can think of. Did you honestly think that I would be pleased?" Severus said with an audible sigh, he just wasn't in the mood today.

He had a hard day not to mention it was still going. The pepper up potion was starting to wear off and he was feeling the extent of his injuries. The girl was just a perfect way to lash out at, his frustrations at everything. He forced himself to pull it back in; she was not to blame here. He could see something wasn't right anyway; the only problem was he couldn't assess it because his quarters were overrun with dummies.

"I'm done," Hermione said swallowing down the lump in her throat as she wiggled herself down.

"No you're not Mione, he just has to see them," Blaise pleaded.

"Why, he'll just accuse me of doing it for attention? Like he always told Harry? Oh but Harry's dead now, so who the next's victim on his list? Neville? Or me, the know –it-all Mudblood?" Hermione lashed out.

"What did I say about that word?" Blaise said loudly at the same time Snape spoke.

"Do not say such a word in my presence," Severus said angrily.

"Why not; Draco Malfoy calls me that every day, and no ever cares. He's called me it numerous times in your classroom; I can only assume that since he was never called out on it that you agree with him." Hermione said with a shake of her head. Her anger was gone; it was only the hurt speaking out now.

"Mione stop," Blaise said grabbing her hand tightly.

"It hurts Blaise, he's supposed to help and only making it worse." She confided.

"Its because he doesn't understand," Blaise murmured. "Make him understand," he said firmly.

"How can I do that? He won't even listen to me? How can I tell him if he won't give me the chance to speak?" She asked reasonably, the tears falling once again.

"Show him," Blaise said simply with a firm nod.

"What if he calls me a liar after he sees them?" She asked fearfully.

"Scars don't lie," Blaise replied softly as he touched her sleeve. "Can I?"

"Go for it," she mumbled her head glancing at the stone floor.

Severus watched their conversation quietly; they were speaking as if he wasn't there. It would have bothered him had he not gotten the ominous feeling that something was legitimately wrong with the girl. He wasn't sure he wanted to see what she apparently needed to show him. He noticed vaguely that the noise level in his quarters were non-existent and wondered how Harry got them to leave.

"Ok," he replied taking a breath before pulling back her sleeve and revealing the precise and identical lines going up and down the entire length of her arm.

Severus closed his eyes in disbelief, feeling like he had failed yet again. He knew what the red marks were, what type of instrument she had chosen to use as well.

"Miss Granger," he said softly, for there was nothing left he could say at that time.

"Mione," Blaise murmured poking her side softly.

Hermione looked up and sniffled wiping the falling tears from her face with her hands. She couldn't look at her teacher she didn't want to see the disappointment. She couldn't handle it, so it was better to look at the floor then his face. She didn't deserve to be judged here by him of all people.

"So can we come in?" Blaise asked, repeating the question from earlier.

"Of course," Severus said quietly before opening the door to them. He watched as Blaise tug on her hand and basically lead her into the quarters, and into the sitting room area.

Severus sighed, as he closed the front door. His quarters were getting overrun with unstable teenagers. There was Harry, and Neville, and now Hermione, and Blaise. How did the latter fit into all of this? Who was he to her? He wasn't even aware that they talked if he was being honest.

As he turned around he looked at Emerson who was staring at the two who just walked in with an unreadable expression on his face. Severus mused that it was like looking into a mirror, but without the nose. He didn't like that he couldn't read Harry's every emotion anymore.

"How did you get rid of Black and Lupin?" Severus asked quietly as he stood with Harry by the door.

"I didn't, they're in your kitchen raiding the fridge," Harry replied with a frown.

"They're what?" Severus asked affronted at the whole thought.

"In the kitchen, they wouldn't listen to me," Harry said his frown deepening.

Severus was about to reply to that when speak of the devils, the two walked out of the sitting room. He could see Black startled as he realized there were now two extra people in there with them. This was boggling, especially considering that the mutt was supposed to be on the run. He could see his Slytherin glanced at the animagus for a second, his hold tightening on the girl before shaking his head.

"Is there any particular reason, why notorious mass murderer Sirius Black is standing in front of me in my Head of House's quarters?" He asked as casually as one asks about the weather.

"Snuffles is here?" Hermione asked blankley before turning around to look at him in shock, before it turned to horror.

"What are you doing Sirius?" Harry yelled out finally after a moment of silence. "Remus get him out of here?"

Blaise was still reeling from the emotional day that consisted of Hermione and finding out what Draco had done, so he wasn't fully there. At the moment, the man in front of him didn't even matter. He turned his gaze to his Professor and sighed softly.

"So how are you going to help Mione?" He asked.

"Why would he need to help her? What wrong with her? You'd better not have done anything to her you slimy snake," Sirius blurted out as Remus was grabbing the floo powder.

Blaise turned and looked at the other man in shock before blanking his face and scoffing.

"As if I would ever hurt Mione," he replied his eyes narrowing.

"Yea, then what's wrong with her huh?" Sirius said in disbelief. "Who else could possibly want to hurt her?"

"Her biggest enemy of course," Blaise said tightly.

"And that's who? That Malfoy snot?" Sirius said angrily.

"No, worse," Blaise nearly whispered out.

"Who then?" Harry finally asked when it seemed like the Slytherin was hesitant to reply. He was concerned and genuinely curious now.

"Herself," he answered matter-factly.

**What did you think? Flamers...get pooped on :)**


	36. Chapter 36

**A/N- You guys can thank, sevs-white-rose, for this. First off let me apologize for taking forever to update. I had no time to myself..and I could give you a bunch of escuses with school restarting and classes but I wont.**

I was trying to make the chapter longer, for obvious reasons I dont want a story with a ton of chapters.

Anywhoo, my story is AU...pretty sure you knew that. For the sake of the story, Horcruxes and what not are being discussed here. Albus has told Severus, and leave it at that. Oh one more thing, I'm not making Sirius and Remus the bad guys sheesh, Sirius is hotheaded, but he does use his brain on occasion and he will this chapter. I think thats it, on to the story :)

**Chapter 36: I Trust you**

"That doesn't make any sense," Sirius said in confusion and annoyance at the answer. "How can she hurt herself?"

Remus stilled; all too aware of how one could hurt one's self. He turned his gaze towards the brown haired girl and sighed softly before looking to Harry. He shifted his gaze to Severus, seeing the wariness in his eyes, not to mention the fatigue in his body.

Hermione sighed softly; leave it to Blaise to tell everyone. She knew Emerson had comforted her and that he was unbiased but she didn't know why he was like that. She could see that the boy was staring so hard at her that it got to the point where she felt like he was examining her like Snape looked at a potion. It intrigued and unnerved her at the same time, and she wanted to put a stop to it.

"Stop staring at me," she murmured before burying her head in Blaise's chest.

"I'm sorry," he said his voice filled with regret, as he turned away from her.

She shrugged; staring at her wasn't really a crime. She couldn't understand why he sounded so sad, but she didn't dwell on it. She couldn't even bring herself to care that Sirius had stupidly given himself away. Harry was gone, what was the point. She hadn't seen Ron in two days, she was basically friendless. Blaise was keeping her afloat, and she was afraid that he was dumping her on Snape for good.

"Sirius, Remus, I think it's best if you leave now," Harry said firmly.

"We're not going anywhere, not until we get some answers," Sirius said angrily.

"This doesn't concern you in the slightest mutt," Severus said, his eyes flashing.

"Like hell it doesn't, you're holding my godson hostage…" that was as far as Sirius got because Harry had stunned him.

"Get out," Harry said nearly growling to the point where Severus had turned to look at him in shock, and pride.

"H-Emerson, Sirius didn't mean any harm you know that," Remus said as he lifted up his stunned friend.

"Leave," Harry said tiredly his wand turning to Remus.

"We're gone, but we will be having words," Remus promised before flooing out of there.

Harry took a seat and dropped his head in his hands.

"Emerson?" Severus said softly.

"I'm fine," Harry replied automatically.

"You're not, why don't you go lie down for a bit?" Severus asked, barely able to hold in a wince.

"Neville's still sleeping," Harry said wearily.

"Go in my room them," Severus said.

Hermione looked up carefully, turning her eyes to the two Slytherins conversing. Had they just said that Neville was here? What was going on?

"Neville's here?" Hermione asked in shock.

"Yes, but why he's here, is the same reason why you're here," Severus said, warding off any questions.

"Oh, we're both messed up huh?" She murmured before turning back into Blaise's chest.

"No, but you're both struggling to deal with your emotions properly. That is where I come in," Severus explained softly.

As he moved to take a seat, he nearly blacked out from the pain coursing through his body. He hissed in pain, and one glance showed that while Blaise was busy with Hermione, Harry had seen it.

"You're hurt," he said, it wasn't a question.

"I just need my potions, I haven't had the chance to take them," Severus whispered through gritted teeth.

"We'll be right back," Harry said with a frown, as he turned towards the students on the couch.

"And we'll still be here," Blaise said quietly as he held Hermione who was starting to drift off to sleep. He turned his eyes towards the girl, knowing that something was going on with his Professor. He knew like every other Slytherin that the man was a death eater, and he would pretend he never saw a thing; if it came down to it.

"Uncle Severus, come on," Harry said, moving the man's arm around his shoulder.

"Emerson, I'm not an invalid," Severus hissed out angry before trying to shake the boy off.

"I know, but I'm trying to help," Harry said softly, quickly moving away from the man.

Severus sighed, before shaking his head. Harry was sensitive, he knew that. That wasn't even mentioning that the boy liked to feel needed, and for some odd reason liked to help people. Sighing inwardly he looked towards the boy, whose expression was starting to resemble a kicked puppy.

"I know child, and you are helping me." Severus said gently, noticing Harry's expression lift a bit.

Severus stood up, and grimaced inwardly before reaching his arm out to Harry who eagerly hurried towards him to help. He walked normal until they got out of sight of his Slytherin before Severus wobbled and had to lean against the wall for support. He knew before looking up at the child in front of him that he was starting to panic.

"Relax Emerson, I'm alright," Severus said gently.

"You don't look it," Harry replied with a frown.

"I am," Severus repeated before taking a deep breath and pushed off the wall.

He kept his face neutral even as his body was screaming at him for the abuse, he felt like he might collapse at any moment, but he knew he had to fight through it. It wouldn't do for Harry to witness such a thing; he had to be strong for him, and all the children in his flat. He made it to his lab and fell into the closest chair, his hands trembling uncontrollably.

"What do you need?" Harry asked worriedly.

"There is a kit, in my bottom left desk drawer. Get it and bring it to me," Severus moaned out.

Harry nodded hurrying to do just that, grabbing the kit and rushing back to Severus.

"Now what?" Harry asked anxiously.

"Drink the blue potion," Severus said calmly.

"I don't need any bloody potions, you do," Harry said his voice rising in anger.

"You need to calm down," Severus said firmly as held out the blue vial.

Harry huffed but he took the potion and gulped it down, calming down immediately.

Severus sighed before grabbing the potion that helped with his nerves from the cruciatus curse with audible relief. He took the rest of his usual potions and turned to look at Harry with a weary sigh.

"I'm sorry, I need to go," Harry said quietly. He hadn't meant to freak out; he just didn't like it when Snape was hurt. He didn't want to think about what Voldemort was planning, he didn't want the man to endanger his life like that.

"Go where? You're not going anywhere," Severus said grabbing his arm before standing up.

"I want…I need to take a walk. I need to clear my head," Harry said softly.

"No what you need is to come with me; I need to talk to you. But at the moment, I need to see what is going on with Miss Granger's and Mr. Zabini." Severus explained firmly.

"What is there to explain? She's hurting herself because of me," Harry said sadly. "They're all hurting because of me, this is my entire fault."

"Honestly child, have you always been so dramatic? This is not your fault, "Severus said with a no nonsense tone.

"What do you mean this isn't my fault? If I hadn't died, then she wouldn't be doing this," Harry pointed out. She's hurting herself because of me," Harry repeated sadly.

"No she's hurting herself, because she feels so out of control. She cannot handle the feeling of being alone, not to mention her grief. She doesn't want to hurt anyone accidentally, so she's taking it out on the only person who she feels is to blame for that; herself." Severus said sternly.

"And what of Neville then?" Harry asked.

"Longbottom, he lost his friend at a crucial point in his life. He would be able to handle it, but his life has been just as hard as yours if not harder. He is known for the achievements of his father as you are, and he is said to be a disappointment. I can see Longbottom's depression, I'm just trying to understand how I didn't see yours," Severus said with a shake of his head.

"You didn't see it because you weren't looking for it. Not to mention I was a snake in lion's clothing after all. Why do you think I was so sure I was going to get sorted into Slytherin?" Harry said with a look.

Severus didn't reply to that because the child had once again spoken the truth. If he hadn't been so blind with his hate at all things James Potter he would have known. He could have saved him before he decided to do something this drastic.

"It's alright though, you're helping me now," Harry replied softly as he took in Snape's pensive look.

"I am, but it's not enough," Severus replied before shaking his head and making his way out the lab. With his arm holding onto Harry the boy had no choice but to follow.

Severus took a seat on the couch across from his two student's pulling Harry down next to him.

"Would one of you care to enlighten me when all of this started?" Severus asked calmly.

Blaise took a glance at Hermione before taking a breath and explaining everything. He told his head of house how it all started and what she seemed to believe. He had remorse in his tone, because he was blaming himself for not being able to be there for her when she needed him. When he had finished he looked only at Snape, aware that Emery wasn't looking at either of them.

"This worries me Miss Granger," Severus replied carefully.

Hermione looked at him with dull eyes before shrugging, what was there to say?

"It worries me too," Blaise replied softly.

"Does it Mr. Zabini? And why would this worry you?" Severus asked. He wasn't trying to be mean; he needed to see where the boy stood.

"Because she's my friend, at least I'd like to think so. Right Mione?" Blaise asked softly.

"Right, I need him," She whispered out, before turning her face back into his chest at having admitted such a weakness.

"Alright here is what we are going to do," Severus said with a sigh.

Sirius was currently pacing the floor in the sitting room of his mother's old house. Her portrait had been yelling for a few minutes before he found himself yelling back at her. It wasn't anything unusual only this time, he called her the same foul names she called him, and she shut up. At the moment he was thinking hard on what Harry had said. He was hotheaded and tended to rush in without thinking he knew that, and he could see just what he did back there at Snape's.

He wouldn't pretend that he understood just what Harry was doing because he didn't. But a part of him recognized that continuing to treat his godson would only alienate him further and he would lose him. He didn't want that, Harry was the only thing keeping him from going crazy. He flopped down on the couch, hating that Snape and Moony were right. He shook his head before covering his face with his arm.

"What do I do now?" Sirius asked tiredly.

"We'll apologize first off, and then we'll go from there," Remus replied easily.

"And what if he won't forgive me? What if Snape turns him against us?" Sirius asked worriedly.

"That won't happen," Remus said firmly.

"How do you know that?" Sirius asked softly.

"Because if Harry can find it in his heart to forgive what Severus has done to him, then he will most certainly forgive you. At the moment though, you were seen by one of the students," Remus said frowning.

"I know, that wasn't the bed idea. Do you think he'll talk?" Sirius asked worriedly.

"No, Severus will keep him in check," Remus said confidently.

Severus sighed softly once more, feeling more his age every day. He had just dismissed his two students not too long ago after about an hour or so of conversation. He didn't want to pressure them and make the girl crack anymore then what she had already. He ran a hand through his hair as he glanced at Harry who had been quiet for the entire time.

"Everyone copes with grief differently," Severus murmured as he took a seat.

"Yeah, well couldn't she choose a better way to do it? I hate that this is my fault. I should have been stronger, everyone knows life isn't fair. Everyone struggles, I should have carried on as if nothing mattered," Harry said wearily.

"And then what, when you finally snapped, what would have happened. More devastation then what happened now," Severus said quietly. "We should have been there for you. I should not have been so blind."

"It doesn't matter because it's too late now," Harry said sighing.

"It's never too late," Severus replied.

"So what are you saying I could go back to being me anytime I wanted?" Harry asked in disbelief.

"Not exactly, as you now resemble me I don't think anyone would believe you. You will not have to hide forever Emerson, but for the time being I think this will do you some good." Severus said thoughtfully.

"How so? How is this going to help anyone? Is the Dark Lord going to stop?" Harry asked sarcastically before jumping up with a yelp. He glared angrily at the man across from him.

Severus calmly tucked away his wand as he stared at the younger wizard with an unreadable gaze.

"What did you do that for?" Harry asked in annoyance as he rubbed at his thigh where the stinging hex had hit.

"I've asked you not to call him that, and yet you live to annoy me. Call him by his name Emerson, but never that one. You are not nor will you ever become a death eater," Severus said with his eyes glittering.

"But I'm a Slytherin; to call him by his name would be disrespectful. They would skin me alive," Harry said softly.

"I know, but I meant with me or any of your friends, or the Order." Severus replied.

"Fine," Harry said shrugging.

"He's knows I'm dead though right?" Harry asked after a moment.

"That he does," Severus answered.

"So what does this mean?" Harry murmured.

"It means you have a bit of time to heal, and we have time to plan." Severus said with a sigh.

"Plan for what?" Harry mumbled curiously.

"To defeat him, Because of him you were forced to make decisions that you wouldn't normally have. Because of him you are parentless and were raised by those baboons. I will do everything in my power to make this world safe for you Harry." Severus said with conviction.

"I'm not Harry anymore remember?" Harry said quietly.

"You will always be Harry James Potter, for that is the name your parents gave you. I would never try to take away that right. But for the moment, you are being known as Emerson James Prince until we can figure out a way for him to die." Severus explained.

"What if he doesn't die? He keeps coming back I mean," Harry groaned, at the helplessness he felt at the whole situation.

"I cannot afford to think like that, and neither can you. I will not allow you to sink back into that black hole that you were once in. You will grasp the will to live once more have no doubt about that." Severus said sternly.

"How do you know?" Harry asked weakly.

"Because though you had your father's spirit, you have always had your mother's heart, and she never took no for an answer," Severus said fondly.

"Alright, so what's the plan then?" Harry asked after a moment of silence.

"Have you ever heard of Horcruxes Harry?" Severus asked after a moment of hesitation.


End file.
